Should You Give Up Your Goal of Passing as a Woman?
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Passing as a woman is the Holy Grail for many TG ladies. But it is really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of “not passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it … it’s not always easy! It can take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and acting like a woman. And depending on your physical makeup, you might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
These are necessary investments for transsexual females on their way to becoming full time. But if you’re a crossdresser with a full time job and a family, then trying to become 100% passable is probably not practical.
Rather than getting hung up on “passing” vs. “not passing” (didn’t we get enough of that in grade school?), I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead. Blending in means that you look girly enough not to stand out in a negative way, even if you aren’t 100% passable.
The key to blending in is to create a harmonious female image. Dress appropriately and act natural. Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there is something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean 100% of the population will think you are a genetic woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the transgendered woman that you are! As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d like to hear from YOU! Do you try to pass when you are out en femme? Or are you proud to be seen as a transgender woman? How important is “passing?” Please leave me your comments below!
Love,
Lucille
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I have been a post op ts for 10 years. There are days when I pass, there are days when I don’t. I weigh 65kg and am 5ft 7 but even the best looking ts unfortunately unless they transition as a child can be read as people become more aware of transexualism.
If people want to call me a tranny it’s offensive but I ignore it. I am who I am and am not that bad compared to others either genetic women or compared to transsexuals.
Two fingers the V sign is the best method. Stop worrying and live your life. If they don’t like you that’s their loss not yours.
Hi,
as I wear this little black dress, a young woman said to me: “You are beautiful”. I was very proud.
But they were times, young girls on the street cries: “You are a man”. It was a terrible moment.
Now, I am a women. At work I am respected after a few month. It was not easy and I am no hero. But there was no alternative for me.
Anouk
I will never give up my feminine side…xxxx
I’ve somehow crossed an invisible line from being comfortable as an openly trangendered person, to being comfortable as an openly transgendered woman.
In recent months, people are generally regarding me as a woman though I am not really trying to ‘pass’ as a woman: I’m trying, with greater fidelity and integrity, to pass as myself, who is a woman. It’s an inside-out thing. I wish to be beautiful and graceful and congruent, and I want my innerself to be beautiful and gracious, and I want the ‘shadow’ of this inner self to be manifested externally in my words and the way I treat others and myself, and also in my appearance, mannerisms, voice and graceful movement. I understand feminine and masculine cues, and apply feminine cues because I am a feminine person. BUT, I will not apply such cues beyond the point where I feel that I am no longer aesthetically pleasing. I would rather be true to myself, authentic, than to pile-on feminine cues simply because I can…
By not ‘trying’ to look like I think a woman is supposed to look, but following my feminine sense, I’m sure that there are more perfect looking women, transwomen, than me, but none could hope to pass as perfectly ‘Brett.’ This frees me in ways I can’t adequately express, and I have a wonderful un-self-consciousness, and though I *do* struggle with my gender dysphoria, paradoxically, people see me as comfortable in my skin. I am *so blessed*!!!
As much as I love the look and feel of women’s clothes and cosmetics, I’ll never shave off my beard.
I used to worry about passing as a woman and I spent 30+ years trying to live in the role of my birth gender because of this. I am now not really bothered about passing and I am just living as me and I feel much more confident and happy that I ever thought possible. I’ve had alot of positive comments about my picture, even from men so maybe I am getting there.
Totally agree xx
I’m 19 6′ 4″ I’m prescriped hrt but I have so little money I can’t get it regularly I can’t pass mostly because of my height/mannerisms and my voice I can’t work as a male it would emotionally crush me but as a transperson its hard to present an image of professionalism at all I’m caught in this limbo of gender politics and sociology I want to go back to school but I really don’t want to be dependant on my grandparents who are supportive but I can’t really speak to them anymore in person without feeling a void
Today someone almost mistook me for a girl when they glanced at me (and I haven’t even started feminizing myself yet)
i’m very comfortable being transgendered – a woman in a male body! passing takes too much psychic energy, my opinion. blending is really the best way to go for me – physically and mentally and emotionally! people around me are very accepting and encouraging, i don’t think this wouuld be the case if i was trying to pass as a female.
Oh, I like to say I won’t even pass as a transwoman any more. Certainly can’t pass for a male by any means.
I came out as a transsexual last year, age 34. I gave up the thougt of always do my outfit so complete that i would pass as a girl all the time. I dont, but i dont care. I feel beutiful and thats the important thing for me. I tell you, it is not easy to stop careing what other people think, but it is possible. I was terribly nervous the first time i went public with just half the outfit, it was obvious that a was male in other peoples eyes. But i did it anyway.
What i didnt expect was that people around me, at work and my friends, would be so supportive. I thought i would annoy them but that didnt happen. Instead they have encourage me to wear whatever i want. They see me as the bravest person around.
So you all nervous tg:s, it is possible! My picture of how it was going ti be for me coming out was not correct at all. whore heals to the mall last weak, the ultimate test, couldnt care less of what people thought of that, it felt good for me, and does it feel good it will show, as self confidence.
I recommend you to try. One small step at a time, to face the unpleasent feelings it gives. You will grow as a person and one day you will be as confident that you can wear whatever, passning ot not.
This has been such a turmoil in my life I feel that I am going insane. I look back and I’ve always had the desire to be a girl. And I’ve been so ashamed of myself. Guilt and shame have ruled a lot of my life. Now I’m married ” at 46 and am now 51″and my wife is so supportive. She is the most understanding person I have ever met. I am truly blessed. She helps me with my clothes, make up, wig, everything and I am too embarssed to let her see me in them. I dress while she is asleep and take everything off before someone sees me. My son is 19 and very “macho” and proud of it. I’m so afraid if he knew it would crush him. He has me on a proverbial pedestal. And my stepson is 12 adhd bipolar. And VERY impulsive. In a small midwesttown of 2000 people I can’t let it out. Is there anyone out there feel the same? Any advice!?