Should You Give Up Your Goal of Passing as a Woman?
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Passing as a woman is the Holy Grail for many TG ladies. But it is really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of “not passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it … it’s not always easy! It can take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and acting like a woman. And depending on your physical makeup, you might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
These are necessary investments for transsexual females on their way to becoming full time. But if you’re a crossdresser with a full time job and a family, then trying to become 100% passable is probably not practical.
Rather than getting hung up on “passing” vs. “not passing” (didn’t we get enough of that in grade school?), I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead. Blending in means that you look girly enough not to stand out in a negative way, even if you aren’t 100% passable.
The key to blending in is to create a harmonious female image. Dress appropriately and act natural. Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there is something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean 100% of the population will think you are a genetic woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the transgendered woman that you are! As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d like to hear from YOU! Do you try to pass when you are out en femme? Or are you proud to be seen as a transgender woman? How important is “passing?” Please leave me your comments below!
Love,
Lucille
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I cant pass as a woman I have no job no friends .I got srs at age 25 I am now 48 my life is hell Im a failure as a woman
Take a good look at the other women you come
across. You will notice an entire spectrum of
faces, hairstyles, makeup, clothing, body types,
demeanor, and deportment. Given this, it shouldn’t
be too hard to blend in. The trip up comes when
you act like you don’t belong. Have some
attitude and confidence that you are the girl
you are.
Reilley
Dallas
Thats exactly right. its about being fully oneself as a confident individual, passing is not about trying to be something we are not.try = Fail… good grace and manners comes before everything else. after that practice and be true to self. happy new year guys x
I have been dressing all my life, since I was around 7 or 8 (I grew up with 3 sisters!). I am very comfortable with being a girl and have easily learned to adopt female mannerisms — even passing on the telephone as a woman (I’ve always been good with voices and my friends tell me I should be a voice actor, LOL). However, I grew up in a redneck conservative town in texas and have never even considered going out en femme. I now teach college and my ‘fear’ is that if the administrators knew about Rachel, I would lose my job. Teaching is my life.
I have made many wonderful friends (sisters) through various internet means but oh how I would love dearly to find a group of girls I could be me with! I long to have an outlet; a girls social group that I can dress with, hang and chat, have dinner or events, and so on. I cannot go out on my own, I just don’t have the self-confidence, I need the support of someone.
BTW, ironically, I am a 135 lb. perfect size 6 with legs forever! It’s from the neck up that worries me. Yes I could pass, especially with professional make up, it’s what’s “in” my head that concerns me. I think if I can find the support and go out a few times then I might be able to get over my hesitation.
I don’t want to be a woman full-time, I enjoy being a man. I keep Rachel separate from her male counterpart, but she is, nonetheless, very much a part of me and I have grown to love her. I would just like to let her go out into the world from time to time.
Thank you all so much. You are all my beautiful friends!
Hugs,
Rachel
rachel go get into a good support group–at bowling alley,anythings –pertinant to hobbies,-church,travel groups,the list is boundless,but suffice it to say–easier said than done,any how god speed & good luck. Andalusung ! dee.
I think that I can pass and when I go out I wait that I pass but I know that I can be seen as a transgender but I like to “stand out” as
a woman and have desire to be noticed with a certain fear and would like to “blend in” at the same time.
Wow! This is a good question. It must be important to pass because of the bipolar nature of our society. I certainly don’t pass. I look very masculine and very feminine and I am not sure what to do about it. Certainly it is important to please oneself first and to dress well and to look well and if this is so onlookers will notice you for this. I get many compliments on my looks although I feel this is not enough. I actually am much more feminine than masculine but this is usually not seen which is a nuisance.
HOLA lUCILLE
Ante todo, gracias con todo mi corazón por existir, por abrir el espacio que ha abierto para nosotras y darnos estos consejos de mujer para ayudarnos. No hay otra persona con un espacio igual y aunque tienes tu empresa, el solo leerte, ya es una ayuda. GRACIAS.
Si es importante para nosotras saber si “pasamos o no pasamos”, es una cuestión que va mas allá de esta espacie de foro pues en medio de un mundo tan adverso para todo lo que no considera convencional, a estos espacios acudimos finalmente muchas personas que no estamos en lo “convencional” pero no todas somos iguales, Se ve que aquí acudimos transexuales, travestis, transformistas, personas con el síndrome de Harry Benjamín etc. y para cada una de ellas es distinta la percepción que maneja en cuanto a si es importante o no “el pasar” o que tan importante es. De todas maneras el solo estar aquí, opinar y escuchar ya es importante para nosotras
All i can say is just do what you feel, You will know what you can get away with and what you cant ps we are very speical people and with that comes a cost. God Bless. Stacy
Hey Lucille, Hi there dear. Yes I follow the idea, that I don’t care if people can read me or not. I am comfortable with who I am and express who I am in all situations. And yes people accept who you are because of that thinking.
If you are coy and worried you can be read, you will be read !
But if you be yourself and show it with confidence with your head held high. People will accept you. I am self employed and many old friends that are not friends anymore told me that people will think your weird and this and that. Very bad things they said that made me withdraw in fear. But I overcame that and proved this to be true. People are looking for – if your real with who you are, not how you look ! This is the determining factor that will have them change their minds on the spot. Like when I am in a store and see an employee looking at me in that strange way, I go up to them and talk to them and show who I am, they then change their countenance and see I am truly a female. It is proven.
Another thing Lucille, I have a Tgirl site for support and help. And I am asking you if I can put a link to our site here for additional help and information for my members? Can I do this? And if so, do you have a banner I can use?…Thanks love and have a Merry Christmas and happy new year…! Kellie xoxo
Thank you Dee, here is a newer picture of me…
kellie wow! you look really girlie -what a whole lotta work. good going . dee.
Clarissa Hollar, I did not mean to block you it was by mistake, please forgive me! I really appreciate your friendship.
I’ll try to re-add you if I can find you on FB lol. You should be able to see me now lol.
Hi Jenny,
It’s ok no biggie =) I figured you had it blocked for some reason or maybe it was an accident =)
For me, it’s been about balancing my inner and outer femininity altogether. I always want to pass as a real woman. Going out places as a female, I always work on keeping my confidence and attitude positive. What really helps me a lot is having many supportive female friends, who not only see you as your male self but your female self as well. I am grateful for that.
I still in side the closet due to
very sensitive feeling cause by a
member of the family that cause a
big wave of Neg level feeling by be
a rude person and said ” Son,or what
everyhere you are? (Male, Female )?
” if you fall down on the ice,I hope
you break your legs into a mllions
parts ( shatter legs all over the
ice ) and some of the other tenants
hear this remark Qute made and me to
shink into a cannon and hide in the
closet and – feeling of been a f or
m and also end up “kissing the bus”
You know what means? but I hold on
just for your as teacher,mentor, and
drill Sagt. kicking the butt, say no
we have no we have hope to now,you
can do it, ( Boot Camp Style. Thank
this teacher for that pressure not
to give up the program !
I wish I pass as a woman maybe I can at some point.
I think I pass most of the time, I think if I was extremely overdone I wouldn’t care if I passed or not, It’s the blending in and avoiding stares that worry me. My voice is a dead giveaway though, I’m getting surgery on my voice next year (and FFS) Had a guy come up to me and my partner last night (at a very noisy Mascarade ball) greeted us as ladies and then when he asked my name (Penny) he heard my voice and said “so what do you do for a job my boy?” kinda ruined my night.
I’m comfortable with myself but tend to lose that confidence when someone calls me a boy or just stands and stares. Then i feel like a snob if i don’t talk at all. about a week ago i was at the supermarket and i heard someone yell out “excuse me miss, you dropped your bag” I turned round and picked up my bag and hurried off. Didn’t have the confidence to say thankyou.
I’m 22 and I’ve only been fulltime for 2 weeks now and I’m already alot more confident than day 1 started. I still have alot to work on. Considering you’re hypnosis cd’s.
-Woman in training
i have never worried about what other people think its all about how comfortable you are in my opinion and if this is a problem for people then its their issue not mine
I would like to be able to pass. But so far men have accepted me for what I am and that makes me happy.
Toni
Its so hard to go out because my confidence level is so low but i slowly feel it increasing now that i put these great tips to work…tanks so much for the help, high school is getting easier!
It was hard for me to let go of my addiction to “passing”. I just make sure my look is complete all the time. Clothes, hair, purses, shoes, accesories…. Wether I pass or not I am always together. It’s easier to be satisfied with how I look when I concentrate on if I am looking good, not if I am passing.
I believe that about 90% of “passing” is confidence. Using Lucille’s tips and tricks and just being brave has gone a long way with me. I am now confident enough to go out. I have even been whistled at (now THAT is a confidence booster, lol) and been ma’am’d a few times. I’m still afraid to talk but I think I will make it past even that eventually.
Thank you Lucille, for all you do. And girls, don’t give up hope, that pic isn’t bad for a 53 yo
Melz