Should You Give Up Your Goal of Passing as a Woman?
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Passing as a woman is the Holy Grail for many TG ladies. But it is really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of “not passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it … it’s not always easy! It can take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and acting like a woman. And depending on your physical makeup, you might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
These are necessary investments for transsexual females on their way to becoming full time. But if you’re a crossdresser with a full time job and a family, then trying to become 100% passable is probably not practical.
Rather than getting hung up on “passing” vs. “not passing” (didn’t we get enough of that in grade school?), I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead. Blending in means that you look girly enough not to stand out in a negative way, even if you aren’t 100% passable.
The key to blending in is to create a harmonious female image. Dress appropriately and act natural. Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there is something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean 100% of the population will think you are a genetic woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the transgendered woman that you are! As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d like to hear from YOU! Do you try to pass when you are out en femme? Or are you proud to be seen as a transgender woman? How important is “passing?” Please leave me your comments below!
Love,
Lucille
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rachael you llok very good i wish i look that good
This is for YOU Jeanette and ALL the VERY SPECIAL LADIES out there that are frightened of going out for the first time or not having the courage to go out at all !!!!!!! BUC UP,Girls !!! Y’all are just as good as anyone out there…Believe me !!! I know how ya feel…..When I first came out after my divorce in 96′ I really didn’t have a clue…STYLE !! WHAT STYLE !!! LOL….I had none!!!! OR self confidence……I was scared to death…..But I suppose that ya have to have some level of desperation to actually get the nerve if you will, to go out and express yourself at all…..All it takes is a liddle pratice and the first thing ya know,it will be second nature to you…A lot of what Lucille says is very true , but I think that ya really have to be in the shoes of the person to actually know just what they are going through ( NO OFFENCE TO ANYONE )!!!!!!! I am VERY PASSIONATE about this subject and everything that surrounds it….But girls !!!! Ya gotta be very careful also , there are a lot of people out there that just don’t GET IT and never will, the sad fact is you could end up paying the ultimate price, and THAT girlfriends just ain’t kool…….Lindsey
Lucille claims that EVERYONE CAN pass! Do you not believe her? She has the information you need.
iam an older girl but have felt this way all my life i am now out and imust say i feel good oh by the way im 64
I cannot pass at all. No matter what I do, I will never be able to pass.
So as you might expect, I desperately want to be 100% passable.
(We always want what we can’t have.)
The sad fact is that, at my tallest, I was 6’5″. I am now down to 6’3″, thank God. I am large boned, 255+ lbs and grow body hair at a rather frightening rate.
Ironically I was able to pass once in my life. It was the first time I realized I wanted to be a woman. I was in my early teens and I babysat for a woman at the time. She gave me full access to most of her clothes, makeup and jewelry so that I could try cross-dressing and see if it was really something I wanted to do. She instructed me watch her put on her makeup etc until I was ready to try for myself. She never offered any tips beyond that. After a week or two I was ready and she told me to wait until she left for work and the kids were in bed and sleeping. (The kids never got up in the night.) These were good instructions all around. I was far more comfortable doing this in private, I always have been highly self-conscious, and it eliminated any possible problems where the kids were concerned. I spent a few hours getting ready and the result was unexpected. I looked, to my own eyes at least, completely passable. And I loved what I saw. From then on I dressed up every night I babysat.
I never looked that good again. With every passing day I grew more masculine in appearance and within a few years I gave up. There were a couple of brief periods where I tried going back to it, but it never lasted. I knew I could not pass and would never be accepted. I destroyed one relationship and two jobs trying.
Three years ago I started cross-dressing again, but this time with three critical differences. One, I now make enough money to buy clothes, makeup, breast forms etc. Two, I am now old enough to have realized that I do not have to do this in public. And three, I know I can never have a successful relationship. Even if I were to try as a man.
This probably sounds rather sad to most of you, but for me it’s rather a relief. I have found a balance that allows me to enjoy being the woman I am; even if is only for a few hours at night. This is far more than I could have hoped for when I was younger. I have accomplished what little I have by separating myself in two, so to speak. During the day I play the male persona that the world expects to see and at night I get to be just plain me. Sarah Jessica Lay. Maybe one day I will be able to have more, but for now at least I will be satisfied with what I have.
Lucille, thank you so much for all your advice. It makes the little time I have to be me so much more satisfying.
Hey Sarah,
I’m very sorry about your broken relationships but happy that you have found peace with yourself. It is pathetic that we cannot just be who we are in public. I feel that a lot of the pressure to pass comes from fear of rejection. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could just enjoy being trans without all of the social issues? Maybe if we keep working to educate others about transgenderism, one day women like us can just go out, relax, and enjoy ourselves without any fear.
Para mi has sido como un angel que me ha ayudado muchisimo a comprender y comprenderme en esta forma de vida que nos ha tocado vivir y por eso te doy infinitas gracias.
En algunas ocaciones te he mandado mensajes en idioma Ingles y nop se si tengas elgo de todos tus programas en español y te aseguro que tendras un inmenso mercado latino. Yo procuro leer en ingles pero a veces se hace estresante por que hay cosas que no entiendo.
Gracis nuevamente por tener estas valiosas ayudas para nosotras que tanta ayuda necesitamsos para poder existir.
I think feeling and acting like a woman is more important than looking like one. I was amazed bi the term blending because this weekend I was with my daughter and she commented on my appearence and wanted to know what I was doing different.I told her I was blending my spirits. For me it’s more than just blending in bi toning down my clothing and actually blending my male and female sides into kind of a unisex femme and sexy in a boi ish sense. I don’t know hope this makes sense to some other than myself…Hugs and kisses
When I walk out the door I go with mindset I will not pass. If I get possitive comments I am on top of the world, if not I am not devistated, it is what I expected. I am just another transgendered individual out for a good time on the town.
I think its important to pass, or blend in so that you don’t get those second , or third, or fourth looks or get snickered at. Some girls like me like to wear short skirts, so for me passing is essential, as I often get a second or third look, just because of the skirts and how visible my legs are.
*hugs*
Sarah
I totally want to “pass” as a female/girl.
I LOVE looking – being a female/girl so yes, inner beauty
is imp[ortant
Hai Luci, Thankyou for your valueable steps became a true woman. I am proud to be a trangender woman and i wnat more feminine with the help of your guidence. Thankyou once again Dear. With Regards. Sheyal.
Wow. I’m a gg. All of you look so great! I am so jealous of your legs, all of you have great legs. You look fantastic in heels. Don’t ever give up your dream, just be yourself, stay relaxed, stand tall and be proud of who you are!
The previous photo was taken after living full-time for 3.5 months. That was about the time i began to pass. I still got read constantly. My pass ratio was horrible. I got pegged on my voice all the time. So I began to work on my voice. I spent a lot of time practicing walking, sitting, standing, and general posture. Posture is huge… It creates an instant impression.
Over a period of approximately 5-6 months the voice and movement concepts became more natural. People began to view me as woman without questioning it.
Today I went to two busy retail stores and I wasn’t read by a single person. The tellers were cheerful and friendly. Everyone in the lines appeared completely at ease, and I was at ease.
I’ve been living full-time for 8 months. It took more than seven months of evolving my feminine being to reach a place where passing is automatic. I suspect the voice training was the most influential, however; posture, and movement training can’t be missed either…
Every bit of practice you do will add up. Eventually the training and practice coalesce into an effortless expression of who you are.
hi i need to be a woman
I agree that this is of course the ultimate aspiration of any T-Girl, but unfortunately very few can actually pull it off. We are after all built completely different from GG’s (genetic girls) – just look at a silhouette of a female and male form and the differences are immediate. The male torso is longer, absence of hip definition, leg proportions etc.
However there are ways of course around this, T-Girls with a svelte physique and petite stature have an enormous advantage over most of us lads (myself definitely included in this category) so for them they are way ahead of the curve before they’ve even applied the 1st layer of foundation. Look at the LadyBoys of Bangkok as a prime example of passability.
OK so for the rest of us – lets not lose heart, we can still hoof it with the rest of U Girls.
I am most definitely NOT passable, at 6′ w/o heels and very wide shoulders, masculine facial features etc. But I still go out and I do it by a) not taking myself seriously, so when I do get called ‘Sir’ in a restaurant or get the frequent chuckles from passers-by I let it go over my head. b) and this is to me the most important – Dress appropriately, Invest in some really nice outfits, decent make-up and good quality wigs. Wearing a really nice outfit will gain more points than anything else and will always attract female attention. Outward appearance is sooo important, if U look well on the outside U will, despite not being high on the passability factor, be treated with respect.
I hope this contribution is helpful. If U want to see what I mean, please check me out on youtube – search tgirlpenelope and U’ll find some video clips of me, just messing about and having a laugh.
I always am happy when someone says ma’am or Ms. it make me smile and I feel really great.
while I dress to pass and move with confidence to pas I think I get read a lot I assume people think I’m trans-gendered but folks r polite especially at the Home Depot and costco
I believe we all want to pass, but what’s really important it believing in yourself. If you want others to accept you first must accept yourself.
I was seeking for men in terms of the process. I am more needed is to change the sexual organs.
I am too
this is my first if some would like to improve on it be my
Guest.
No! you should never give up passing as a women.
Because it’s who you are.just don’t go to fare when it comes
to beauty or vanity.as an artist some people
mistake me for a girl I don’t know if it’s because of my looks
or my Long hair I go home and I still see the wrong face god I can’t wait untell I finaly get my FFs . The peoples mistake or not I love it.working On Lucilles feminization I am getting recognized more and more.And it’s made a huge impact despite what cloths I’m wearing basicly never give up and good luck to all.