I’ve observed that many crossdressers and transgender women recognize their gender identity at a young age. For some, it’s an early realization, while for others, it unfolds later in life.
I’m curious about your experience…
When did you first realize you were female or had a feminine side? Was this something you felt as a child, or did it develop over time?
I’d love to hear your story! Feel free share your thoughts in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
My name is Cristine. Born the second son of a family of six children, my Mother named me Cristine. I don’t know if my Mother knew something of my inner Femininity or for other reasons I was forced to lie, hide and try to explain. For a sensitive child that I was that meant a lot of tears and agony at the hands of my peers But too, all along, I too felt that strong inner Femininity within but I fought and invested a lifetime of repressing my feminine soul with in until Depression finally forced me to seek a therapist for help after one brush with death and a lifetime of failed relationships. Now I am 65 and with the help of my therapist, I have come to terms with my Femininity and have allow Cristine is feel the light of day and be recognized by ME and i have many around me KNOW. And you know what I have recognized about ME, Cristine, and everyone I have opened up to…..I LOVE ME & all those that I’ve opened up to….They Love me too!!!!
I chnged my name in the 3rd grade from a y to -ie because the y was male and looked like a penis. My sister was my main playmate and dressed me when young Innocent stuff but I realized I liked it. By the 3rd Grade I changed the ending of my name to from y to -ie: the feminine ending. I never have changed it back and I will be 60 next year.
My sexual orientation was clearly for men . I came out a family with incredible closeness but zero acceptance. Abuse was considered disipline. My father succeded in masculinizeing me through sports. My mother hunted me and caught me masturbating. The first time I partiallyy broke my member trying to push it down. The second time she beat me naked from head to toe with my father’s belt. This last attack was around 14 and my back went out from 6-7 sports in a year. That same year after falling in dung when horse back ridding with my Football Hero, best childhood friend..I had to wash my clothes. I did not approach him but I could not hide naked standing before him. He
beat me pretty much senseless. Sex and Terror became one.
I repressed from that time on and became the image of my father: an Alpha male. I did so to protect my feminine ego. My he became my She protector. For the next 45 years I hunted relationships with girls so I would not be alone and abandoned. That led to mania. 3years like a living dildo with each girl and then a 10 year+ period of impotence or trying to force my partners to become the feminine girl I wanted to be. Sex with woman was about controlling them and not loosing control.
The suppression of my self has been so extreme that my gender orientation and sexual orientation got wiped clean. I suffer from Diffusion both gender and sexual. I going into a clinic to get help this month.
I started to awake in my late 30s with terrible dysphoria. My psychologist never helped me get beyond talking about why I was visiting glory holes for sex. I cross dressed and started to dress more openly. A colleuge helped me get back in the closet and the therapist said most men leave a woman, find a younger woman and live happily.
I did that again and woke up after 14 years and realized I am transgendered.
My partner who is cisgendered hetero female. I could write a novel but I ill simply say
I think
I always knew I was a girl from when I was very young. I would try on my sisters dresses and it felt so good. Lisa.
In April 1970, I dreamed that a weird scientist, complete w/fucked-up Einstein hair & white lab coat, made a small white pill & placed it on my dresser. A second after I ate it, I instantly turned into a girl. Not a gradual CG morph, but one frame to the next. And my blue swim trunks turned into a two-piece pink bikini! When I woke up, I thought, “That’s weird, why would the swim trunks change?” Never mind that I became a girl! Another thing I thought nothing of at the time, that later explained a lot, was in June 1975 when I was sitting on the lower window ledge and my 14-year-old neighbor strolled by. Not all glammed out or super-femme, just jeans, a T-shirt, sneakers, & flannel shirt, but she was already 5′ 7″ and when she steamed across the yard on her long legs, I thought, “Damn, she’s beautiful.” This at age 9, years before normal boys are interested in girls at all. Then I thought, “If that’s how much I enjoy watching her walk by, what must it be like to be one of them?” Fast forward through 26 years of the usual Not Understanding What This Means to when I went out for Halloween w/my gorgeous, brilliant artist friend in her skirt, top, stockings, & knee-length leather coat, & for the first-ever time felt Right. In July 2007 I woke up one AM & thought, “Who am I kidding? I’m not beautiful” & trashed a very nice collection, only to start dreaming every night in May 2015 that I turned into a chick everywhere I went. Walk up to any door, revolving or hinged, go through, bam, I’m a chick. On day 3, I half woke up & thought, “Fuck it, I’m doin’ it.” Four days later, Chicago Area Mensa sent me the 50th Anniversary newsletter, although my membership had lapsed. It had an article about a presentation by the Chicago Gender Society president for the LGBT group in March, about the advances in LGBT rights & the wonderful, if challenging, world of trans women…based on personal experience! At the other end, the LGBT group announced Chicago Mensa’s approval to march in the Pride Parade! I knew then it was time. I could even adopt the name I wanted in the first place, but couldn’t cos my friend’s 3 y.o. stepdaughter had that name. So I rolled out Emily in grand style & became an instant legend among Mensa GG’s for walking the parade in 5″ boots. I joined the Chicago Gender Society Sept 8, & am registered for the Mensa Regional Convention next week as Emily! Right after that, my first hormone consultation! I might cancel that, though, since I figured out how to make a hormone. Just don’t pay her!! Kisses to all!!
I used to go and stay with my cousin in the summer she is 2 years older than me. We used to play around and one day she said let’s get dressed up. I didn’t know what she meant but she put her mum’s clothes on stockings and high heels and then said I was going to wear her clothes. I said no but thought well why not. She gave me a bra and panties and told me to go to the bathroom and put them on. I was about 12 years old and had no idea how to do the bra up so she did when I went back to the bedroom. She told me to sit on the bed and painted my toes and finger nails. When they were dry she put a pair of tights on me and I had this amazing feeling that I liked this. A blue dress and low heeled shoes completed the outfit. Tying my hair back she spent ages doing my make up and then brushed my hair which was quite long anyway and used a lot of hairspray to make it look feminine. She asked me how I felt and nervously I said I felt nice and I liked the feel of the clothes especially the tights. We played a bit then I heard her mum my aunt come back. My cousin called her up and said look. I felt embarrassed and I think my aunt sensed this and took me on one side. She said I musnt let my cousin do things to me if I felt uncomfortable with them. I said it was ok and that I quite liked it. She ok you can stay like it. 40 years later I still am! !
I Always knew from as young as 5…..I was always more comfortable in girls, and women’s clothes than in those of a boy, or a man. I cross dressed for many years before deciding to transition.
I Always knew from as young as 5…..I was always more comfortable in girlsgirls, and women’s clothes than in those of a boy, or a man. I cross dressed for many years before deciding to transition.
I blossomed later in life at the age of 13 and hid it until I was 28.