It’s not easy being a crossdresser or transgender woman. When you add envy and comparison to the mix, it can make the journey even tougher.
The truth is, it’s all too common to fall into the comparison trap – whether it’s measuring up to cisgender women or looking at those girls who are further along in their MTF transitions.
Feeling jealous or envious every now and then is perfectly normal. But it doesn’t exactly feel great, does it? Plus, it can hinder your progress towards your own goals.
So, how can you manage these emotions? In this blog post on male to female tips, I’ll share 5 strategies to help you conquer envy and comparison.
1. Recognize That You Don’t See the Whole Picture
It’s easy to feel inadequate when scrolling through seemingly flawless Instagram photos. Social media can be a breeding ground for envy, but remember these two important things:
- Most people present an idealized version of themselves online. Those filtered photos may not accurately reflect their true appearance.
- You have no insight into what’s happening behind the scenes. Even those with seemingly perfect lives have their own issues and insecurities.
Keep this in mind the next time you find yourself scrolling through social media!
2. Let Envy Inspire You
Envy is a sign that someone has something you want for yourself, and that’s not a bad thing. Instead of letting envy make you feel down, use it as a source of inspiration.
Set achievable goals and direct your energy toward reaching them. Taking positive action feels incredible, and it can be a powerful way to turn envy into motivation.
3. Get Out and Live Your Life
If you find yourself spending too much time on social media or passively observing others, it can easily lead to negative thought patterns.
Simply put, you need to spend less time in your own head and more time enjoying your fabulous life!
When you’re busy having fun, making friends, and exploring new activities, there’s less room for obsessive comparison.
4. Surround Yourself with Positivity
Are you surrounded by people who constantly complain about how unfair life is? Or who are always trying to outdo each other like a bunch of teenage girls?
Those thought patterns are contagious, so the best thing you can do is find better people to be around: People who are happy, positive, and grateful.
I realize there are people you can’t cut out completely (like family), but look for positive outlets, such as Meetup groups, support groups, or online communities that uplift your spirits.
5. Appreciate Yourself
Remember this: “Another woman’s beauty is not the absence of your own.” To overcome envy, shift the focus back to what makes you special, unique, and beautiful.
There’s no finite supply of beauty or success in the world, so keep reminding yourself of your strengths and attributes.
Is this advice clichéd? Perhaps, but it works!
How do YOU deal with envy and comparison?
Feeling envious or making comparisons is normal, but the sooner you shift the focus back to your own life and goals, the better.
Because, girlfriend, you are amazing just the way you are!
As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you ever struggled with comparison or envy? If so, how did you deal with it? Please share in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
I have had my struggles with some issues. I always try to do my best to keep up with positive people and surroundings. It does get difficult at times. At my worst point I even found myself closeting up again. Depression is not fun and can be quite evil. I think at least that I am, or at least can be, quite beautiful. The pic I have shown here is me in process of getting ready for a nice formal night out. Tell me what any of you other women out here think of me. I have a lot of work to do yet. I have regained a lot of confidence in myself lately. I can finally enjoy changing and getting comfortable after work again. It feels so good to let the woman in me out! (L)
bonjour.
je n’ai pas eu ce genre de sentiment; puisque j’ai toujours été convaincue que le parfait n’est pas humain.
mais j’essaie souvent d’atteindre la moyenne en toute chose: hanches, marche, gestuel, seins…
ainsi, pas un seul aspect de ma féminité n’est trop exagéré.
c’est ça le passing réussit.
amour
zizette
This is probably only a function of where I live. Most women between 12 and 70 are heavily tattooed and have metal stuck in their faces in a frighteningly unbecoming way. They wear clothes that are beneath grunge and they have a cigarette going nearly constantly. All this makes me very happy to have come to womanhood in the manner I did. Friends tell me I stand out because i do not fit this norm. So what says, I. I have no desire to look like a merchant sailor on liberty in the red light district of a port town in order to pass.
Cheers,
Catty-Anne
I think it’s funny, that we xdressers, try and look more Feminine than some genetic females. I’ve noticed the same thing, when I buy clothes, I shy away from anything that may look remotely mannish. You know the fly front pants, and the “boyfriend” look. The more feminine, the better. I’m glad that some of the trends are getting back to that style. But I’ve also seen some of the newer fashion trends for Men, lately, it looks like crossdressing has gone main stream.
I love this blog post! Every item is spot on!
I was just looking at my big Fred Flintstone toes wishing I had more feminine feet today. It’s always something. But – I’m not one to bang my head against a brick wall: can’t change it, don’t dwell on it.
Number 3 is SO TRUE! Get absorbed in your own path, don’t try to walk someone else’s.
And I try a lot nowadays to BE the positive person – about everything. Because really, being positive is not “fooling yourself” – it’s seeing the REAL reality that negativity just hides from you. So surround yourself with yourself – positively!
Love,
Chrissy
Thank you, Chrissy! I love what you said here!
I have struggled throughout the years about why I like to crossdress finally accepted this fact about me about 7 years ago. Started to take it a step further by using a vacuum breast to enlarge my breasts along with herbal supplements. I am now up to a b+ cup not quite a c yet. And that is all the time after pumping up I am a very full C cup. Very much enjoy being Vanessa. As far as transitioning goes it’s too complicated family I know would reject me and my age is a factor as well always Vanessa on the inside sadly I still have to be the male I was born as. Guess it’s a good thing I’m a Gemini because there is two of me lol
And Venessa, I am ‘envious” of your two Girls ! LOL
I ALWAYS COMPAIR MYSELF TO OTHERS CAUSE WHEN I WAS BORN I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FEMALE BUT CAME OUT MALE THEN I GOT TAKEN AWAY FROM MY PARENTS WHEN I WAS 3 MONTHS SO I BEEN WANTING TO CHANGE MY LIFE EVER SINCE I WAS THREE OR FOUR JUST DIDNT FEEL LIKE I WAS IN THE RIGHT BODY SO I BEEN LIVING WITH MY FAMILY NOT KNOWING THIS BUT MY WIFE SUPPORTS ME AND SOME FRIENDS BUT EVERYONE ELSE I JUST WALK OUT OF THERE LIFE CAUSE I BEEN PUT DOWN SO MUCH WHEN I WAS GROWING UP OVER THE DUMBEST THINGS SO I JUST TRY TO GET THROUGH EACH AND EVERY DAY I THINK WANTING TO ACTUALLY BECOME A TRANSGENDER IS HELPING ME OUT MORE THEN EVERYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE
Lucille I do not envy anyone as you said who knows what’s going on in their life. I try to emulate them for their inner beauty and femininity, but I tend to fall short but I am happy with myself and loving the journey I’m on.
I am part of a nice online chat community for trans people. One thing I find though are unrealistic expecations. “After 3 months of HRT no one will tell I am not cis” despite very dark beard shadows. So, some comparison is good for a reality check. But like everyone else transwomen get envious of other transwomen or cis women.
I have been very luck to have not had much of a beard, sparse body hair, the latter of which all but disappeared with HRT. Also HRT has blessed me with large boobs. I encounter a bit of envy with that, but, the truth is due to a misdiagnosis of a medical condition I have put on a huge amount of weight since I transitioned 17 years ago. Also have type 2 diabetes. This “extra” weight has helped me have big boobs. I’d rather have A cups and be a size 7 than DDs and be a size 20.
So the argument that not knowing the back story makes a lot of sense.
As a side note to that, when I was a teenager I’d see some gorgeous female and think “I wish I was her” but I have no clue what her life is like. Under the cute clothes and makeup does she have a partner or parent who abuses her? Does she have a dead end job? is her svelte figure the result of an eating disorder? At best I might have wanted to look like her!
The folly there, though, is I am not her, so I need to like how I look and make me look the best me as I feel I need to be.