When presenting as a woman, every detail matters. The way you act is just as important as the way you look. This includes etiquette!
Does etiquette sound like an old-fashioned concept from the 1950s? It’s not.
Knowing the proper etiquette makes you look classy and goes a long way towards a positive first impression. (Besides, you never know when you might be invited to dinner at the White House or Buckingham Palace!)
In this blog post on trans / crossdressing training, we’ll delve into etiquette for common social situations. Here are 6 etiquette tips to know before your next en femme outing.
1. Girly Greetings
Greetings can be a landmine of potential awkwardness. Should you hug, kiss, or shake hands?
The rules are straightforward when meeting somebody for the first time:
- Shake the hand of the person you are being introduced to.
- If you are sitting down, stand up to shake their hand.
- Look them in the eyes and smile.
- Bonus points if you say the other person’s name when you meet them.
Kissing, air kissing, and hugs depend on cultural norms and how well you know somebody. When in doubt, let the other person lead.
Of course, if it’s a good friend, feel free to hug or kiss away!
2. The Proper Place for Your Purse
Where you put your purse says a lot about your manners. Did you know that putting your purse on the table in public is considered rude? That’s because it’s unhygienic.
Here’s what you should do instead:
Handbag etiquette:
- In casual settings, you can hang your bag on the back of your chair. However in formal settings, this is considered poor etiquette since it can trip up the wait staff.
- The other option is to place it on your lap or at your feet.
- You can also use a purse hook. This is a small hook you carry with you to hang your bag on the table. (Queen Elizabeth II is said to have used one!)
Clutch bag etiquette:
- Place the clutch on your lap (with your napkin on top) or behind you on your chair.
3. Napkin Etiquette
Napkin etiquette is simple: As soon as you are seated, put the napkin on your lap. You should never begin eating or drinking without your napkin on your lap.
If you get up to use the restroom, fold the napkin and place it on the left side of your plate.
4. How to Hold Your Wine Glass
If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably been holding your wine glass wrong.
The mistake most people make is to hold the glass by the “bowl.” This is a faux pas since it warms the drink inside and leaves smudge marks on the glass.
Instead, hold the glass at the stem by grasping it between your thumb and index finger. (Who votes for a “practice” session tonight?!)
5. Use the Right Utensils
Ah, the classic etiquette question: Which fork do I use? The answer is to start with the outermost utensil and work your way in with each course.
6. A Grand Finale
Now that you’ve made it through the occasion with perfect, ladylike manners, how do you make a grand finale?
- When you are done eating, rest your utensils diagonally (in parallel) across your plate.
- Your napkin should remain on your lap until you’re ready to leave the table.
- Never leave a party or event without saying your goodbyes. “Ghosting” is just plain rude.
Etiquette matters
As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts! Etiquette might not be the “sexiest” topic, but these details make a difference.
Curious to know more? Check out Emily Post’s Etiquette, 18th Edition.
Did any of these etiquette rules surprise you? Do you have any others to add to this list? Please share in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
P.S. Want to learn more tips on mastering your feminine presentation?
Sign up for my free 3-part Male to Female Transformation Mini Course here!
I am also a lefty and will ask my host to be seated so as not to knock elbows. while I cut with my eight hand, I do change hands with a pudding with spoon and fork, it has never been remarked upon and I guess most people don.t even notice.
One last point on etiquette. When leaving a gathering, search out the host to thank them for inviting you and that you enjoyed it (even if you didń.t) out of politeness,
I’m a lefty as well, so I looked up “etiquette tips for left handed people”. Results were mixed, with some suggesting that, in a formal situation, one should learn how ti fake it. Interestingly Judith Martin (Miss Manners) has no problem with lefties following their natural proclivities.
One suggestion did seem particularly poignant, however: inform the host that you are left handed, so they can seat you to the left of everybody.
I’m now retired, but I used to run a tutoring business. I always sat to the left of my students, informing them that otherwise, we might be literally rubbing elbows with each other. 🙂 (My students who were lefties often followed the same rule.)
As with Kristi, my father discouraged my left handedness, with the net result that I am ambidextrous in most activities. This has its advantages with e.g. putting on my makeup. I do the left side of my face with my left hand, and the right side with my right hand. No contortions are necessary when putting on mascara. 🙂
In the UK, when you’re finished with your plate, you leave the knife and fork parallel and touching, straight up and down, not diagonally.
Also in the UK, the fork is always held in the left hand, never transferred to the right. And never used as a ” scoop” – the prongs always curve/point downwards.
Just some differences in US vs UK etiquette 🙂
Interesting comments!
I always follow these tips! My goal is to blend in as any other woman so I have been following women’s etiquette a long time! I am 77, retired and live the majority of my life as a woman. I love it!
I did not know about it being rude to put your purse on the table, makes perfect sense. Thank you
Just a small hint regarding where to put your purse. When you put it on the the back of your chair it can be stolen without you knowing it happened.
In the old days, men stood when introduced to someone, but ladies didn’t. That’s changed?
Just wondering – does the position of the forks on the left side and knife/spoon on the right side also apply to left handed people ( like myself ). The reason is that I would prefer to cut meat with my left hand where my coordination and strength is better. Of course, I suppose one can switch hands when using utensils but I just never cut meat with my right hand ( being left handed ).
I was supposed to be left handed but at a very young age my dad wasn’t allowing it as he does not like left handed people (my mother is a lefty), anyway moving on to the point of my comment reply, lol . I’m not ambidextrous but I always cut meat with my left hand, I’ve always also played pool left handed (I didn’t realize I was doing anything different till my late 20’s). I can’t write with my left hand but my left tends to be a bit more of my dominant hand for carrying heavy items (1 handed), like if I have 10 grocery bags (not plastic anymore) and 7 are lighter than 3 of them….the heavier 3 will be in my left and obviously switching it up if I have a long way to walk with all that food I clearly cannot afford.
I do believe with etiquette however you just switch in your hands as I think it would be bad etiquette to have to disclose prior to an engagement if you’re right or left handed….I mean. It’s not the 70s or 80s anymore when you were considered a social outcast if you were not part of the majority.
Anyway just wanted to share my story.