I’ve observed that many crossdressers and transgender women recognize their gender identity at a young age. For some, it’s an early realization, while for others, it unfolds later in life.
I’m curious about your experience…
When did you first realize you were female or had a feminine side? Was this something you felt as a child, or did it develop over time?
I’d love to hear your story! Feel free share your thoughts in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
wow , this is the first I have heard of that show! I am indebted to you,(once again) for telling us about it Lucille. Looking forward to going back to that page and viewing it all.
I started around 5 or 6 with a fascination with my mother’s nylons. I would sneak into her room and they would be there in a serpentine, curled, pile of the pair, on the floor at the foot of her bed. So foreign to me and yet so inviting. Sometimes still connected to a girdle, sometimes loose. I learned to study exactly how they were piled so I could move them and put them back undetectably. I would try them on and rub my legs together like I was trying to start a fire. I would caress my legs and look at them in the mirror. I would smell the stockings. Sometimes they had garters on them. Not the kind like on a girdle or garter belt but the type that was like a cloth covered elastic. I was so small and skinny and I never even had hair on my legs till my 20’s.
To this day, nylons of all kinds are my favorite item of apparel. I regard them as a gossamer spun by the goddesses. The scent of them still drives me wild all these decades later. That led to extended visits to the bathroom where I would get her panties out of the hamper and try them on too.
Like most of us, I stopped after a few years but then started where I left off and just tried more and more feminine things. I never got caught.
I would go to bed every night just knowing for sure that the next day I would wake up female.
Once when I was around 10 I asked Ma for a Halloween costume for a party. She came to me a couple days later and said she had an idea for me. She produced a longish blouse and held it against me. Instantly, I knew. She was going to make it look like a dress on me! She had a fem skinny belt at the ready. To this day I remember and regret my reaction. Not what you are thinking, I bet. I actually screamed I would not would wear a dress or look girly and fought her over it till she gave up. Then my dad gave me an “attaboy!” and said to mom that it was a good thing. And he had no problem with me refusing. As soon as I had “won” the argument, I was just filled with such intense regrets. I realized, even at that young age, I had just blown a great chance to do what I like. I will never get over the feeling that my life could have been so much different if only I had let her dress me up femme.
I don’t have many childhood memories but that is one of my most enduring ones. I grew into a guy that has been addressed as “miss” many times when I am not even en femme. And I don’t act femmy in general either. No lisp or limp wrist or etc. Could not do a female voice if my life depended on it.
Now my life spent en femme but it takes a very sharp eye to notice. I live in skin tight fem jeans, usually anything from a size 0 to a 4. Always have a full ensemble of lingerie on and a few touches of makeup, jewelry, and sometimes fragrance. Fem flats or sandals or sneaks, fem tops that are not obvious and etc.
Now, it is too hot for the jeans and hosiery etc so I rock the short shorts with fem tank tops. Of course I am smooth all over and I moisturize my legs a lot. When the winter comes back, I wear high heels under a pair of overshoes and I have fem outerwear for all seasons too.
Lest I sound too together, I still don’t know what or who I am or what I want. I just know that there are many more parts of my life that I regret than there are parts I don’t regret. Damn it.
I think that I first realised that I was a girlwhen I had to start being a boy i.e.when I started going to primary school at the age of 5. Upto that point mum treated me as, encouraged me and enabled me to play as, dressed me as and insisted that everyone looked upon me as a girl. It was only when I could not be a girl that I realised that I was a girl. During my teens I allowed myself to be a girl/yoiung woman a great deal of the time having a number of boyfriends and a very good time. With great effort I managed to put Kaye into the closet until I was in my late forties when I again started to crossdress, but never came out of the closet. About three years ago my wife of forty nyears confronted me over my cross dressing which I thought she knew nothing about. After talking the situation through she gave me to understand that as long as I kept it under wraps she would tolerate my ‘perversion’. Unfortunately she has now told me she cannot accept my choices and although it is playing havoc with my mental well-being I have no choice but to keep alll my femininity locked away if there is any chance of being detected.
Love Keith/Kaye
Hi! I like the idea of your story line. I guess I realized that I was in the wrong body at 5 and it really hit me hard in my teenage years when I was supposed to be growing into a woman I was actually going the opposite way and I had no idea what I was going to do about it until we got the internet and I actually began to research and find out what Transsexuals are and I ended up discovering that I was Transsexual and that there was actually nothing wrong with me other than having been born in the improper body.
This is an easy one for me ! When I started primary school at 5, Mum asked me if I wanted to wear girls panties or boys underpants under my shorts. I told her “underpants” but I desperately wanted the panties and knew I wanted a lot more girl’s clothes too.(I had three sisters and had often been dressed in girl’s panties and shorts and tops when smaller.) 60 years later, I’m still in panties, but my girly wardrobe is a lot bigger than my male one !
I just always knew I wanted to be a girl.
Well, it really took me a lot of time to actually realize that I’m a girl at heart. I always knew that there was something wrong with me, and have been struggling with this since very early on. I had issues at school for not being “like the other boys” even though I wasn’t particularly effeminate.
And I always felt really sad that I couldn’t be part of the “women’s club” for being male. But it took me a lot of sorrow during my teens, a lot of introspection and even a suicide attempt at age 21 to finally accept that transition is the right path for me. Now I’m 22 (almost 23 already) and I’m trying to pursue transition. I have lots of issues with my parents and that makes things worse, but at least I’m doing something. I’m seeing a therapist, I’ve been on spiro for several months, I’ve come out to many of my (female) friends and they have been very accepting of me. The only real problem and the thing that prevents me from going further is my parents. They get very violent and harsh at times. And I live with them and I’m without a job now, so I don’t have much of a choice but to live by their rules. 🙁
Hi
From what i can remember i frist started realizing i wanted to be a girl was around 13 i think. With a incredible need to dress a be a woman .
SOLDIER ON …
When I was Three years Old,
My Mother and her sisters
Dressed me in satin and lace.
As if to keep me from the next Great War …
For who would choose a soldier boy
With lipstick on his face?
All the old men rolled their eyes
And slowly shook their heads.
“Rose, you only make the boy soft,”
They said.
Other men Are Watching Him
To see he grows up strong…
And learns as every man learns
That He Must …
Soldier on … Soldier on.”
For a man must always hide his fears,
Deny his heart and hold his tears.
And stand his ground whether right or wrong …
Never Look Back ….
Just Soldier On.
But I embraced my gentle heart
With a love of poetry and art,
And a longing for the Passion in the song
And the spirits of my mother
And her sisters live inside me,
To Guide me
And keep me strong.
As softly,
Together we …
Soldier On…
When I was Three Years Old,
My Mother and her sisters,
Dressed me in satin and lace …..
A Song By Deena Kaye Rose
© 2011
From the day i first remember. I always wished I was a girl. I always wanted to be a girl. I tried to accept myself as a SNAG-Sensitive New Age Guy, or a metrosexual; someone in touch with their feminine side. I never really truly became happy until I realized I was a girl and accepted myself as such.