Are you afraid to step out as a woman for fear of not “passing?”
Instead of fixating on passing, my advice to crossdressers and transgender women has always been to try to “blend in” as a woman instead. (Read more on that topic here.)
But lately, I’ve been wondering… Is blending in REALLY the ultimate goal when presenting as female?
After all, why wear cute outfits, style your hair, or apply makeup if no one notices?
I think it’s a natural feminine desire to want to stand out and make a statement. Does your inner woman share this desire?
This is an interesting topic, and I’d love to hear your thoughts:
- Do you enjoy getting positive attention when presenting yourself as a woman?
- Or do you prefer to blend in and attract as little attention as possible?
Please take my poll and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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P.S. If you liked this article, you will love my FREE Male to Female Transformation Mini Course.
I chose to “stand out” as my survey answer however I feel that this is not a black and white/right or left issue. I am a trans-advocate and I feel that if those of us in the trans community are not “out” than we will never be recognized as real people.
Being out does not always mean you have to “stand out”. I love being noticed because I did put the time and effort into my makeup and my outfit. But more so I love being noticed because people will approach me and many more than I thought initially will ask intelligent questions – even though sometimes I have to educate them on trans etiquette.
Sometimes it’s nice to just blend in and relax in the comfort of myself. To enjoy a meal or some tea without anyone really noticing I’m there. I think that this is not just a function of a crossdresser or trans person but of all of us.
Generally, I like the term “blending” rather than “passing”. Too much emphasis has been placed on passing and the reality is, if you are a woman on the inside and this is how you find peace and happiness then you pass – regardless of how you appear externally. Not all women are supermodels, at least in the convention of our current society. Blending is easier and more realistic and while makeup and outfits and hair all have a place it’s your attitude that make the biggest difference. Learn to be YOU and own that. That will help you blend or stand out more than anything.
Katie
I absolutely agree with you about blending in with your attitude. A female soul will shine through always…Dana
if you are an older transwoman you automatically blend in as nobody looks a you as you are older which is a good thing in a way even though you would prefer to stand out
Well, I know that I don’t blend in….so standing out is the only other option! 🙂
Getting a makeover at the mall IS an attention grabber, but who doesn’t love a pretty face!
This is kind of an issue for me.. most stores and sites for crossdressing, are just the opposite. They sell stuff that a woman wouldn’t wear in public mostly. It’s nice and all, I can rock a good dress, even a dressy dress or slutty dress. Now I like to just wear a good pair of the right jeans and top and shoes
Danni
My favorite place to shop for women’s clothing is consignment stores. The owners of them are always happy to see shoppers in their stores be it Cis women or trans and their selections are varied from casual to formal at extremely reasonable prices and grat quality. I don’t know if they exist where you live but in the Denver area I have about 15 different stores to shop in and I am always welcomed. Happy shopping!
Dana
I agree Danni, Just being comfortable is a must. If I was post op no problem I would love to stand out. Plus being older has changed me that I can’t do a lot of things I would like to do. Now comfort in clothes & hair is a must! Have a great day.
I have thought that my goal was to just blend in. Now, I am not so sure. Last night was illuminating for me. I saw a cis gender woman who had my samr hair color, hair style and eye glasses. I think we both would sneak looks at each other. I couldn’t have been more pleased. I don’t dress sexy, just pretty. I love a wide choice of colors and styles. It’s impossible to not have all sorts of moments when I am walking and others pass me by going the other direction. People will look. Some will approve. Some are super nice and strike up conversations. While some others look askance. Can’t be helped. I care so much more about clothes now than I ever did as a male. I am so happy and am looking forward to better things.
Thanks Lucille for all you do.
Susan
I think the real secret here is to stand out with style which is what i preach at Sister House (www.sisterhouse.net). No, not the drag queen look with minis and 6 in heels but that well put-together look that says, yes, I’m a woman, but I know how to wear clothes to enhance my figure and present my best features well. You get noticed because another woman says “I really love that look” You know when a woman is “put together” and when she isn’t
Being accepted by the general public (both men and women) as being a woman is important to me, but I want to stand out among them. Being TG in itself is a way of saying I’m not like everyone else. Why not then be the best expression of what you choose to project to the world.
I try to blend in as much as possible. I don’t mind standing out in a crowd but I would rather it be because of my personality vs my look. I am 6’2″ without heels and when I put them on I am that much taller so naturally I will stand out because of my height but I’ve been told because I am stunning that I stand out because of my looks as well. And that would be my looks of beauty versus my looks of a male transitioned female.