I’ve observed that many crossdressers and transgender women recognize their gender identity at a young age. For some, it’s an early realization, while for others, it unfolds later in life.
I’m curious about your experience…
When did you first realize you were female or had a feminine side? Was this something you felt as a child, or did it develop over time?
I’d love to hear your story! Feel free share your thoughts in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
I have known since about 5 years old. Coming home from a family outing to a farm I couldn’t wait to get into a silky pair of panties and a nightgown. When my Mom and I went shopping for clothes I always wandered into the girl’s department and picked out blouses. She finally relented after my insistence. Later on when dressing fully and in secret I got caught wearing a bra and panties and attaching garters to nylons with a slip and blouse & skirt laid out on the bed. My “punishment” was to complete the transformation along with makeup and hair ribbons and spending the evening en femme with the family. Down the rabbit hole ever since!
I remember so well the day I went up to my Mom’s bedroom and pulled out an old housedress and shoes and put it on. The cool thing is I then went down and crashed her ladies group party, sort of coming out at the tender age of 5. I recently found pictures of that day… so cool! I then was visiting a neighbour lady who had a Dale Evans cowgirl outfit, skirt and all.. She offered to dress me up and without hesitation, I did dress right then and there.. I had a tiny chubby at the age of 5, and paraded around the neighbourhood all dressed up.. THe boys were playing cowboys and indians, and I was the wife.. Played all day like that and had a blast.. such fun!!!I have been dressing since, almost always in secret, and now it is getting sooo hard to hide my fantasies and desires…
I first knew when I was about 7 or 8 and I tried on a pair of panties. I wanted to know what it would be like to wear other kinds of girls clothes and try on make up. I’d be thrilled to have a makeover someday.
Me too!!!
I probably learned around nine years of age, the same time I started dressing. Of course back then it was just a form of entertainment. I thought it was a weird trait I didn’t want anyone else to discover about myself. Since then I’ve been dressing in private, and overall it hadn’t evolved much until about three years ago when I moved to California. I bought some luxury clothes from http://www.thesissystore.com/
Fantastic clothing they had. Since then I’ve been evolving. I just bought my second batch a few months ago, and just two weeks ago we had a couple of transgender people visit our sex ed class and they talked about their lives. It sounded like a fairy tale with the way that they grew up in some of the worst conditions and still became who they are on the outside. Since that discussion, I’ve been thinking about myself more often, and I think I might be more than just a crossdresser. I’ve noticed more feminine behaviors about myself, and as I seek to pursue them, one of the main things I want to experience is going out in public as the way I see myself. Every time I look in the mirror at my normal male self, I can’t help but feel disgusted. All of my recommendations at trying to fix it hits up against the gender barrier.
Honestly, as a 21 year old male, I’ve got a pretty good body that other guys would kill for, but when I try to dress, it just turns out to be sloppy. I’ve looked online to see if there was any way to become shorter, but there doesn’t seem to be any way. It’s just not really fair, you know? When I’m wearing heels I look like a basketball player, but then I see other people trying to emulate my height. I’d trade for less muscular, fat, tall body if I could, but I don’t know.
I kind of wish me and my sister had our genders reversed. She’s a tomboy and is very open about it. And due to our culture she’s far less stigmatized for it. She’s practically been expressing herself since she was a little girl, whereas I’ve always had to hide my true feelings. I keep trying to convince myself that I’m not a girl, but a guy with feminine tendencies to make things easier for myself, but it doesn’t seem to be working.
At 3 or years old, I liked to play with my sisters dolls and obviously didn’t think anything of it since I hadn’t developed any cognitive or gender recognition or distinction. By 5 or 6 years old, I knew I was different than other boys. It was at that time I discovered my sisters clothes. How pretty they were and how good they felt. (I was 5 years younger than my closest sibling – my sister). I would dress up in her underwear and clothes. trying on dresses and skirts and cute frilly blouses. Trying on her shoes and and knee highs. (Understand, this was about 1968). When I could I would get all dressed up and play with my mom and older sisters’ make up. This continued for years and they became a pretty good fit on me for awhile.
As time moved on and my was my preteens, I became fascinated with ALL things feminine (still am to this day). I was intrigued by their make up, the way they did their hair and nails, shaved their legs and underarms, everything! Including their feminine products; their pads and tampons, etc. I would steal them and use them trying to pretend I was a girl. I would even give myself enemas, pretending I was douching as a female would.
I too, had very soft features, even into my late twenties early thirties. My biggest regret is that I didn’t explore this side more at that time. I know in my heart and mind that had I been more versed and experienced in dressing that I would have certainly been passable and may have even been one of the adorable girls I see today. Unfortunately, it was obviously a very large taboo at that time, so I suppressed those feelings and tried my best to act the all american boy. Went into the military, got married, etc. but still the urge to be feminine consumed me. In my thirties and forties, I, like many, would amass a female wardrobe, only to purge it at some point. Then at some point be consumed again and start all over collecting those items that I found so wonderful and comforting.
Today, in my early fifties, I find myself with a very large female wardrobe as well as all the of the amenities, and accessories. However, I don’t dress much anymore because I feel like I look like an old man in women’s clothes. 🙁 I get all dressed up and apply my make up and it just isn’t the look that I hoped to achieve. It is sad and I miss it but I always wear women’s lingerie to help quell the urge and it does help.
My only regret is that I didn’t explore more when I was younger because I think it is who I am.
My story is much like many of the others I have read on here. I knew very early in life as I was the baby boy with two much older sisters. I was their real life doll as a kid and they dressed me up and played with me. I always related to girls better and envied them dressing pretty with ribbons in their hair and I couldn’t do that back in the 60’s. I guess I was about 8 years old when I was finally old enough to be left at home by myself for a few hours and my mom used my closet to store some of her clothes and a wig. I would wear her dresses and put the wig on and model in front of the mirror. I soon started going in to her dresser drawers and getting pantyhose, bra’s shoes and anything else I could find to look pretty like I wanted to look. I did this for years anytime I was left alone trying to look like a girl. I remember around the same time I first heard of sex change operations, as they called them back then, and I would stay awake at night in my bed dreaming of doing this. I was a normal boy away from the house but a girl inside and at home alone. Back then it wasn’t really an option to tell anyone my feelings. After graduating high school and going out on my own I didn’t have the means to dress but the feelings were still there. I had a few things I had collected and kept stored away and would pull them out when I could. After I got married I had all these clothes again. Only problem was that she is much smaller than me so that didn’t work. That is when I started buying my own things and storing them in the attic. I have purged several times through the years just thinking I was strange and not wanting to get caught and ridiculed. My wife started working on the road which left me lots of time to be Jackie and about the same time the Internet came around and I realized I wasn’t as strange as I thought I was. I embraced dressing and being feminine. Being feminine is so much more than wearing the clothes but they sure bring it out in me. Finally about 10 years ago after 18 years of marriage I told my wife. She took it somewhat well and asked all the normal questions about if I was gay or not and if I wanted to have surgery to be a woman. She said it could be fun! One night she asked me if I was wearing panties and I told her yes because I always wear panties. She asked me to show her and she kind of freaked out when seeing me. Since then we havent mentioned it again although she knows. I can now keep all my female garments in my closet instead of the attic. That is a plus but now at 56 years old I feel like I want to be me. I want to go out, I want to meet others like me. I think it will always be a work in progress.
Jackie
Are you sure you are not me? Talk about pigeon pair! 56 as well. Mind you i only came out as cd to mrs fully 2 mths ago. Thing is she thinks its great and says i look better as a woman than as a man! No intention to transition but have a great time going out with the local girls. She also hates me coz my naturally hairless legs are way too good looking in heels and i walk better than she does. Does my make up, shares clothes, nails, and says she has never seen me smile so much when i am Natasha.
I noticed and knew something wasn’t right between the ages of the 3 and 5. I would pretty much only play with girls, and I wanted to be like them and that’s when I found out I was a boy hahaha. Until my early teens I didn’t even know I was allowed to crossdress or experiment. I had no language with which to describe how I felt, until I saw those terrible Jerry Springer type shows where trans women were treated as more of a circus act than as an actual person. My Mom had stressed anti-gay sentiment, so I thought yeah probable telling her that I feel much more like a girl, and would much rather live my life that way wouldn’t go over well. I finally came out when I was 24, but when I was 28ish I had to put my transition on hold because my chronic back pain was out of control, and I couldn’t live at all. I just started my transition again at 32, and have just gotten back on hormone replacement therapy. I was on it for a full year prior to having put it on hold while I try to get healthier and get to a better place mentally. I think one reason so many people with gender identity disorder, and the gender dysphoria that comes with it notice it at such a young age is because at the ages of 3 to 5 I feel we are most ourselves at that age. Like most 3 to 5 year olds aren’t thinking about what kind of man or woman they want to be they just are, and unless they’ve been reprimanded by someone for acting, or doing something in a way that is gender non-conforming they don’t know or feel like they need to suppress that part of themselves.
Me, I was 10. I am now 42. I looked liked a girl when I was 5-6-7…I see in my old photos.