I’ve observed that many crossdressers and transgender women recognize their gender identity at a young age. For some, it’s an early realization, while for others, it unfolds later in life.
I’m curious about your experience…
When did you first realize you were female or had a feminine side? Was this something you felt as a child, or did it develop over time?
I’d love to hear your story! Feel free share your thoughts in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
When I was four!!
I knew when people called me a boy, at 3, I did not know who they where talking about.
The hardest part of my life was when I was drafted, but fortunately, I got into the Navy, and was station in the Philippines, and met my wife, who has very understanding, all of are 48 years of marriage.
I learned at a very early age that pink what’s my favorite color , my youngest sister one year apart would always get beautiful outfits when she was a baby , and I always remembered admiring them and wondering why mine were plain , dark , boring hand me downs . When I was between the ages of 5 and 6 was my first opportunity to understand little more why I enjoyed it when my older sister five years older decided that we were going to play dress up , from that moment on I knew everything I needed to know , I remember leading up to that moment I would always be playing with my sister’s clothing and her toys Barbies , never fully understanding why until that life-changing moment
Hi Morgan,
Its as if you were reading my mind. Every word you wrote applies to me. I’m so appreciative that you shared and I feel so much better about where I am at on my journey.
Kisses & hugs,
Candace
PS.. you are absolutely gorgeous
Thank you Candace! It’s comforting to know that we’re not alone with what we’re experiencing and feeling. Hugs to you!
I knew at five years old, but didn’t realize it until I was 57 years old. My sister who was ten years older than me used to dress up my brother who was five ears older than me. By the time I was five, however, the playing dress up was pretty much over. I just got in on the tail end of it. I always wanted her to dress me up though, and would try to dress myself up from an old stash of girl’s clothes that was left over. One day I figured out that I could push my penis way back and sit down to pee like a girl. I was SO excited!! I was so thrilled that I could pee like a girl that I showed my Mom. She proceeded to scold me and tell me that boys should stand up to pee and I should not want to be a girl or pretend to be one. All the dress up clothes disappeared and that was the end of it all.
In Kindergarten I was scolded by the teacher for wanting to play house with the girls during play time. I was told, “You are a boy and you need to play with the boys.”. I didn’t want to be bad, so I obeyed, but always longed to be with the other girls. I just always thought I was weird and bad. I could never accept myself and felt incredibly inferior all my life. I always had to get others to tell me how good I was… what a good worker or employee or person I was. That desperation to find acceptance led to my doing a HORRIBLE thing that landed me in jail for a while, and cost me my family for a long time.
The last few years, the woman inside me just started screaming louder and clawing harder every day to be let out. “NO,” I would tell myself, “This is wrong!! I’m the drummer on the church worship team, for crying out loud! I HAVE to STOP this!!” I went to thirteen different counselors, pastors and priests and spent thousands of dollars trying to kill the woman inside me so I could just be “normal” and “good”. Finally, I realized that the only way to kill the woman inside me was to kill ME! I SERIOUSLY considered suicide, but had been there multiple times over the years and knew that it was not the right answer. IF YOU ARE THERE, LISTEN TO ME… DON’T DO IT!!!! GET HELP RIGHT NOW!!!! Still, I thought that might be less painful and embarrassing to my children than my being transgender. NO!!! SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER!!!!! I cannot BE… and I cannot NOT be! Oh, the dilemma!!!
After countless hours of counseling and prayer, I finally broke down said, “God, I am powerless to stop this. I am willing to do ANYTHING you ask me to do and be ANYONE you want me to be, but I can’t do it on my own. PLEASE put Your desires into my heart and mind and make them so insatiable that I cannot NOT do what You want.” The woman inside got so strong and loud that I could no longer not let her out. I had to find a different church, and I did! At the Episcopal church I am only known as Danielle and am accepted as one if the women. They are INCREDIBLY supportive and accepting.
Now, having been on hormones for almost nine months and living full time as my true self, I can honestly say that I have never before been so FULLY ALIVE!! I am finally at peace with myself and with God, even though I have been forbidden to have any contact what so ever with my five children and eleven grand children. Well, where there life… there is hope! My two biggest regrets in life are the hurt I have caused others, and not transitioning many years ago. Both of those could have been avoided by transitioning thirty years ago. BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!!!
Having said that, transitioning is not something to be taken lightly!! Get a lot of good counsel and make sure that you are TRULY transgender and not afflicted by something else!! This is incredibly costly in many ways and there are many people who transition looking for happiness then, later regret it! De-transitioning after hormones and surgeries only goes so far, and it too has incredible costs! I hope someone finds this helpful. Hugs and Prayers, Danielle Victoria Stratmeyer.
Hello Danielle,
I was touched deeply by your story and almost came to tears.. I felt the same way growing up as you did.. My sister was beautiful and smart getting all the attention while I was so so looking and dumb as a box of rocks.. It wasn’t until I was in my 40’s that I realized there was more to life then this.. I wanted to become a different person and the only way for me to do that was to become a girl.. I haven’t taken hormones yet but the feeling I get when I become Marcy is pure joy and happiness! I would also like to hear more and chat with you if you would do me the honor? You can reach me at createdhuman21@gmail.com.. By the way, you look so so beautiful and I just love the smile on your face! That dress was made for you as you have a gorgeous body and face to match!
Much Love,
Marcy
Thank you Marcy,
You girls are too kind! Most of the time I just don’t see the beauty that you seem to see, but I do put a great deal of time effort into trying to be, and learning about being as feminine and pretty as possible. I’m usually terrified that I’ll never be able to afford the Facial Feminization Surgery that I need (or the rest of the surgeries for that matter), but one day at a time and just do the best we can right?! Lucielle has a ton of great tips on all this. Thank you Lucielle!!!
Love and hugs,
Danielle
Wow Miss D,
Your story blew me away. You are an inspiration to me. I wish that we could meet sometime. BTW… you are absolutely gorgeous
Candace giddyup66@yahoo
.com
Awww, Thank you so much Candace! I am a firm believer that we should use our personal pain or failures, and what we have learned from them, to help others. It is a big part of what my life is about, and I think will become a bigger part in the near future. I would be honored to meet you and hear your story! What I wrote above is barely the “Readers Digest” version of mine.
i had feelings of being a girl when I was 8 or 9 and dressed up when I was alone but I really didn’t get that overwhelming feeling til I was in my 20s and started dressing seriously. First I starting wearing a dress in public then it was a wig and bra and panties. Then makeup, earrings, breasts and heels and presenting myself as a girl in stores and bars. Then I started using a kotex pad to tuck and feel as if I had a vagina. then I started living full time as a woman flirting with men and going on dates. I take estrogen for women and use progesterone cream on my breasts and hoping to fill my bras soon.
I always have known I loved girly things and loved dressing up. Even as a small child I remember wearing my sisters clothes and wearing makeup. I love all things feminine. I don’t remember a time when I did not want to dress and be a girl. DB
I always cross dressed. But I never thought I was a girl (trapped in a male body). I tried hard to adhere to the male side of myself but I had feminine mannerisms and desires. And yet, if I had the choice, I would rather be a girl. But I didn’t want to be a man in a dress either. It was like being stuck in the middle of two barriers, unable to move in either direction. Constant turmoil, insanity. I just wanted it to stop. So now I’ve excepted how I am, broke past barriers and I would describe it as unisex.