I’ve observed that many crossdressers and transgender women recognize their gender identity at a young age. For some, it’s an early realization, while for others, it unfolds later in life.
I’m curious about your experience…
When did you first realize you were female or had a feminine side? Was this something you felt as a child, or did it develop over time?
I’d love to hear your story! Feel free share your thoughts in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
Found this site when searching for new hair styles, came across this question, and figured I answered. When do I remember knowing I should have been female? Around age 13 or 14. Before then I was just a kid, but I’d say a very “middle of the road” kid in terms of gender. I didn’t see myself as a girl or a boy, but I somewhat accepted that I was a boy from what everyone told me. Then puberty hit me like a rock. I just never felt comfortable as being male, but was never able to be my female self either. Luckily, I stayed quite small. Got all of my mom’s genetics, only a few blips from my dad. Short (5′ 5″), small feet (I wear around a men’s size 6.5 now), small hands…and tree trunk calves. Whenever I would behave more feminine, I was picked on quite often, even by my own family. I had a bunch of depression, anxiety, and other medical issues that I struggled with as well. During and after high school, I forced myself out of being “feminine.” It wasn’t easy, and I confided in many women to share my feelings with. I actually felt more like a “male lesbian,” and while it was kind of an in-joke with my friends, it was never really a falsehood to me. While I tried to behave more masculine though, I continued to grow out my hair, and right now it’s past my shoulders. I can easily just play it off as the fact that I’m a metalhead/raver if anyone questions me 😛 For around 12 years, I’ve tried to “get rid” of this, being masculine, trying to find answers either through spirituality or just finding what I would consider the “male” me.
And here I am, posting my troubles on a message board. A lot of good that journey did me. My family doesn’t know, and to tell a conservative Christian family you feel trapped in your male body is pretty much a death wish. I can’t start any sort of therapy for it since I still live at home, and can’t afford it anyway. And I’m 26, really getting to the point where I feel as if it’s too late, no matter what my accepting friends have said. However, not all is lost, as I have a beautiful and accepting girlfriend, I have a couple pieces of clothing that make me feel more feminine (even if they don’t make me look as such), and those friends who do accept me are supportive and understanding. While I am not one to get pissy over pronouns, as I know what I look like and don’t want to be confrontational, I live for days when people say “Excuse me, miss!”
Maybe I’ll never get to be who I am, but I guess it’s better that I know what it is and can manage it. It’s certainly nice to know I’m not alone.
I grew up in a very conservative Catholic community. At an early age, I saw women knitting and wanted to learn. Then it struck me that I could be considered “sissy” so I gave it up. Thereafter I consciously avoided anything that might be considered sissy and tried to engage in more boyish pursuits, although I never liked sports. Deep down, I always wanted to be pretty and sexy rather than strong.
In my twenties, I discovered I liked wearing panties and tried on a few. Then I suppressed that tendency because I wanted to have a family and a “normal” life. As it turned out, I never married, though. In late middle-age, I began to indulge my desire to feel feminine and started to dress as a woman and go to transgender hangouts. I am petite (5’4”) and slender, and some men, even younger men, seemed to find me hot when dressed as a woman. Since then I have oscillated between feeling male and feeling female, but my feminine side is winning out. I have developed a strong urge to have female breasts and have been taking phyto-estrogens. I regret not transitioning earlier in my life, when I think I could have looked quite beautiful.
I, suddenly at 27 years of age, realised I may prefer being a woman, especially with regards to having breasts and a vagina. I have had no major episodes of TV or CDC behaviour before this realisation. I’m not sure whether I am, but I thought I would post this on here anyway. Thanks for all your stories, they have been really eye opening and touching.
Hi Lucille!
I just wanted to share this with you because I have a lot of respect for what you do.
I am writing a book on my story, because I think it’s so remarkable. The book’s proposed title is “You Are Not Your Body”
I saw the film you posted. It was inspiring to see that kind of support from Jackie’s parents.
I grew up in an upper class but conservative family. None in my huge family had been gay. Most of my brothers and sisters are from non tolerant to homophobic.
I always knew I was different, like most TG people. I grew up thinking I was simply gay, because I always felt like a girl. I spent hours in front of the mirror trying to hide my penis. I was hated, and envied, by other boys because I was always very close to the girls – and they loved me back.
In middle school I was considering joining a monastery, because I didn’t want to live a gay life, when something magical happened: I discovered girls. I really fell for a girl in my class. Her name is Carmen. And after that I became a real Casanova, dating girl after girl and trying hard to be a man: when I was in college I cut my hair crew style, joined the weight team and the boxing team. became very good at both. I could bench press 150 pounds and never lost a boxing match, even though I was a small kid at 127 pounds. Even with all that I always knew there was something wrong. I never felt like myself and girl after girl kept saying the same thing after sex: “You feel like a girl!!” (I never got kicked out of bed, though)
After I graduated I went into comunications, sometime producing my own radio program, sometimes conducting TV debates, and that brought in even more women; until I got my girlfriend pregnant and we decided to get married. We had a beautiful girl and then a gorgeous boy. We lived happily for the next ten years, but things went sorrow after my business went broke and we divorced after 15 years of marriage. THEN IT HAPPENED.
I had fallen to a boring existence. I could meet women but I didn’t want to. Didn’t care. I was still broke and every path seemed pointless, like a stuborn routine playing itself over again, and I went to a business trip, by car, to a town 15 minutes away from San Francisco. I forgot to cut my hair before the trip, and I noticed that everywhere I stopped everyone called me ma’am or miss. Even after talking. I took my chances by walking into the ladie’s room at gas stations and no one bothered. And then, as I was having a drink at Hooter’s in Fremont, CA, I had an idea: what if I dress like a woman and I go to a lesbian bar in San Francisco? I’d be the onlo man there, I thought. And I did that with very unexpected results: I made out with 8 gourgeous lesbians that night. I don’t think they ever knew what I was. But… I never came back. It became a way of life for me and I carried it over to living full time as a lesbian. My family and friends don’t talk to me anymore but I made wonderful new friends. My children (now teens) just got used to it, but I still go as a guy in front of them. And business? OMG it took off like magic!! I got a huge contract in The Caribbean and I’m setting off to move over there, where absolutely no one knows the former me. I’ve lived there for a few months and I have the most beautiful girlfriend. She’s bi so she’s ok with me.
I don’t know the ending to my book, because the adventure is still going on…
I always thought I was a girl, even when the adults referred to me as a boy. I thought they were confused, not me. I had every confidence that they would figure it out and help me grow up properly. I was wrong.
Like so many others, I am a survivor of the Ozzie and Harriet era. Born to white southern baptist parents from Texas in 1955, my realization of being a transgender child was not well received. I did not have a sister growing up. So there were no girl clothes for me to sneak around in. At age 9, I was caught dancing in one of my mother’s dresses when my parents came home unexpectedly one day. Things did not go well.
It took many years for me to recover to the point where I could come out again. Now, here I am 3 years into my transition as a slowly blooming middle aged woman with lots of scars to show for being alive. I may not be young and beautiful like the girls in these photos, but I am alive.
I was around nine or ten when I first started wearing my sister’s panties and bras. From that point I have been slowly, but shirley a blooming flower. When I was twelve I started using tampons, and pads. In the summer months I would get dressed up, and venture out in the neighborhood in the middle of the night. Much of the time when I was in the military I wore lingerie under my uniform. I would often sunbathe at the beach in one of my bikinis. I wish I developed mentally and emotionally at an earlier age when my body was young. Over the years I would sometimes get an overwhelming sense of guilt, and purge my girly things. After months of denial I would break down and slip into a pair of panties and sigh in relief. So the journey continues to the point now I don’t deprive myself the pleasure. Now I’m as girly as I want to be and it makes me happy.
laetitia
I first realized that I was… different… when I was in elementary school. Much of my playtime before that had been spent on traditionally ‘feminine’ styles of games and the like. I never really thought anything of it, because that was just how I played. It wasnt until I was about 10 or 12, when I realized the changes that were fast approaching me, that I started to panic. I tried to take a permanent step to prevent it from happening, but was unable to go through with it. So I tried to repress my feelings. I withdrew from everything and everyone because of the pain that I felt about who I felt I really was. I remember being in highschool and watching the (other) girls participating in things that were forbidden to me simply because I was born XY. It wasnt until I was 29, late spring 2010, that I accepted who I am again. I had wasted almost two decades hiding from myself and lying to the people I love and care about because I was afraid. Now, I’m in a situation that doesnt allow me to transition (I say this with certainty, that I will lose my job if I come out of the closet on this issue) I’m married and we have two children. our daughter knows about me, as we had a conversation about six months ago about the topic. Our younger son, knows nothing. I dont think that he is mature enough yet to really understand it at all. My wife is still coping with the knowledge, and hopefully as things begin to improve financially, I’ll be able to move forward and get the counseling that I will eventually need in order to transition once I’ve reached that point in my career. Wish me luck ladies.
-Victoria (Tori) A. S.
I knew early in childhood. I was age 4.