I’ve observed that many crossdressers and transgender women recognize their gender identity at a young age. For some, it’s an early realization, while for others, it unfolds later in life.
I’m curious about your experience…
When did you first realize you were female or had a feminine side? Was this something you felt as a child, or did it develop over time?
I’d love to hear your story! Feel free share your thoughts in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
I realized at a young age I had a very dominate feminine side. I started trying on my sisters clothes when I was 12 and loved how I felt and looked. I came out as gay to a few close girls I knew in high school. When I told them how I felt about my feminine side, they encouraged me to begin exploring that side of me.
I knew when I was 8, but didn’t know what I wanted until I was 10. Growing up with 3 brothers and 2 sisters gave me the experiences I needed to make my choice. I began by thinking about how it would be for me if I lived as a girl. Many times, I wanted my mother to help me, but in those days, it was very odd to be who I wanted to be.
My younger sister and I were close in age and size, so I dressed in her clothes often. I tried to hide my activity, but was caught on several occasions. Both sisters knew but neither told my parents.
I lived this way until my older sister married (at 20) – I was 15. I became interested in dating girls at 15, so my thoughts about being female faded until I was in my mid twenties. More about what happened next in a separate post.
I always new but could not tell my family because they would never understand. especially my father.
As far back as I can remember at least the age of four since I grew up poor my mother always dressed me in my sisters hand me downs, panties, pants, blouses, etc. She did this because my brother closest to me was three years older and his clothes didn’t fit me. I started school at the age of five and I guess I wore my sisters hand me down until I got to big to be able to wear them anymore around the age of 12. After that it never felt normal to wear guy clothes and I am married now. One day my wife not knowing I wore women’s clothes took me out to buy pajamas and ended up buying me a nice night gown. Being Asian she didn’t really know the difference between male clothes and women’s and insisted on buying me panties, night gowns, skirts and even braziers. Sometimes she sends me to the groceries and tells me to go out in a nice sun dress or skirt and blouse, which I do on occasion. I guess since I was around four I had grown accustomed to wearing girls clothes that in never felt normal even to this day to wear men’s clothes. Ever since the age of five I wanted to be a female until the present I still fell the same. I hope I didn’t bore anyone, thanks for listening.
i guess five or six is fairly common then?
i don’t really know when, or why, i started, but i remember hiding under my mum’s bed while they were watching telly downstairs, just lying there in her tights and nighties, then eventually being brave enough to scamper back to my own room where i would pretend to put on make-up before i went to bed, i was probably about twelve when i would sneak out of my window in my sisters clothes at night and walk around our little town, getting a paper round gave me an excuse to be up really early and have a bit of a stroll about too, and until i got married i always tried to have a bag somewhere i could nip out to at nights for a walk around a park or some other deserted place, i have never been out fully dressed in public, but since seperating from my wife a few months back i am building confidence and taking the dog for walks wearing girls jeans and tops, and even a little make-up, now the nights are arriving earlier.
i try to dress full time when not at work, and find lots of encouragement reading through these comments from you all.
ps. is there some kind of forum or chat room attatched to this site, or is it just for tips and advice..?
I first knew when I was a young child, I believe around 5 or 6. It started out by seeing girls in class and imagining myself with their clothes, looks, hair, etc. The first person I gave an indication to used it as an excuse to abuse me. This resulted in my keeping my inner female to myself for the majority of my life (I am 32 at this time). I acted out in various ways and as an adult had to pay the consequences for my actions. While paying my debt to society for my own bad deeds I admitted that I am trans, and that I was a victim myself as a child. For the last several years I have been involved in therapy for both issues and have come very far within my journey. I am hoping that in 2015 I will be able to begin the process of trans. specific therapy and transition so I can be the woman I have always seen inside of me. This is a wonderful site and I am learning a lot from my time here. I have had trouble finding people in my life who will accept me for who I am and allow me to live my life as my true self. I am very grateful that there is a resource such as this to help this community, and I wish I had been able to admit to the real me when I was younger.
Alex
Hi Alex, my name is LauraLynn. i started out just about the same way, though i was older than you when it started. I think i was just starting puberty, but i would look at all the girls in the class and imagine that i was them with their hair clothes makeup their bodies .. etc. i confided in my father, one of the few ppl i could confide in. he listens and all but doesnt always understand or agree with me, but at least he listens. he said he thought it was just a phase but sent me to counseling. the psychologist, who was a friend of his said the same thing that it was a phase and that i would grow out of it. and I just figured .. OK, there just telling me I’m basically just messed up confused and weird, but I figured OK I’ ll be there definition of normal at some point so it not a big deal. (The psych said that too, don’t worry yourself over it its not a big deal.) well years went by and by and by and by (that was fr the purpose of levity, i’m a LOT older now) and i still haven’t grown out of it. when no one was home I would try on my sisters clothes and shoes etc and then my mothers and then when none of those fit anymore I would by them. (Luckily, I had a very nice bank account at the time. virtually nothing left now)
But my point is that I really think I understand where youre coming from. I-m way too poor at this point to go through surgery or treatment, and its very difficult to find a psych who really understands and can work with you. There are a lot of great ppl on this site with great stories and ideas.
in high school and middle school i was always seen as a pretty boy. in other world an attractive sweet nice GAY boy. and luckily i had enough friends in school, not best type friends or BFFs, but friends ppl who liked me that I always felt safe and protected there. At summer camp I was kinda sorta rapped by a bunk mate who thought he was being cute and also by this guy when i was in college. i liked him. i wasnt sure what i was gay straight trans cross so i went out with him a few times. he was gay. he got me drunk and took advantage.
its very very hard. maybe sometime we can share stories and support. let ne know.
lauralynn
Thanks for replying to my comment, I really appreciate hearing your story and I am happy that you felt comfortable enough to share. I would love to chat with you more, email me at starlightdawn82@gmail.com and I will get back to you asap:)
I was five or six when I first put one of my sisters dresses on and my mother almost caught me. Every once in awhile I still wish she would have. In grade school I unknowingly identified with the girls as I comfortably engaged in their silly girly conversations and didn’t hang out with the boys much at recess or lunch. In high school I grew my hair long, wasn’t interested in sports, hung out with the rejects, and during this time began seeking out femme clothes and makeup (I stole a few things) which I kept hidden in a *weird place, and was completely obsessed with the next time I could dress up as a girl and walk around at night in the little college community I lived in. This continued until my early twenties. But I still never thought I was a ‘girl’. Then I got my girlfriend pregnant. We moved in together, had the baby, and I figured my days of being ‘en femme’ were over. Ten years later I found myself a father of three and getting divorced. I moved into an apartment and, amidst the turmoil and heartache I was experiencing, the thought of being able to dress up again excited me.
Now I was in my early thirties and finally had the guts to step out in the daylight. The rush I got from the men who looked at me was numbing. That’s when I knew.
do your children know? i gave son, hes 9 and hes accidently seen me in some questionable shirts and shoes. i think he thinks im wierd .. his mother thonks im insane .. seriously wacked. it makes it hard to really go out en femme.
we should all start an on line support group meet every saturday and chat:-)
Thank you Lucille for your advise to become me also perfect woman. I feel I am my true self as a woman. Always I am wearing skirt, panties & bra. When I am getting your advise I am too much excited.