I’ve observed that many crossdressers and transgender women recognize their gender identity at a young age. For some, it’s an early realization, while for others, it unfolds later in life.
I’m curious about your experience…
When did you first realize you were female or had a feminine side? Was this something you felt as a child, or did it develop over time?
I’d love to hear your story! Feel free share your thoughts in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
I’ve known I was truly girlie-feminine for as long as I can remember.
Raised back in Pennsylvania with 2 older sisters, 1 younger sister, very eccentric/quirky mother, & no father.
Our mother was raised in the depression so she saved EVERYTHING – most notably all of us kids’ clothes, all down in the basement stored away in 3 large steamer trunks and 4 hanging zipped-garment bags. Washed, ironed, folded, and organized in trays and sections inside the trunks – and by sizes in the garment bags.
So when I was 18 months-to-2 years old, my older sisters were 4-5 and 7-8 years old and dressed me up in their saved clothes that no longer fit them and our mother allowed it. I spent all my time with them, wearing dresses, tights, buckle shoes/slip ons, panties, slips, lace undershirts and our mother allowed my hair to grow shoulder length with bangs in front, so very easy to style, do pigtails, small ponytail, bows, barrettes, clips. We did nail polish, perfume, some of mother’s lipstick, and played with dolls, Barbies, dress-up games, and I loved being included and loved being like my sisters in every way.
By the time I’m in kindergarten, I’m dressing myself in my favorite clothes (that used to be theirs), and we have a younger sister joining in all dress-up and play-time around the house. I wished I could wear pretty girls’ clothes to school with my hair in bows, but 1960s was not ready for that, but when I got home each day I got right back into full girl outfits and along with my sisters, we dusted, vacuumed, did the dishes, laundry (I learned to hand wash mother’s lingerie and hang it to dry). Mother taught all of us to sew on her Singer machine, as well as crochet, needlepoint, and macrame.
I was always 4-7 years behind my older sisters, so when they went to Jr Hi and high school, I was enjoying their elementary school dresses, slips, tights, panties, shoes. By 6th grade, I was wearing training bras and trying my first pre-teen garters and stockings that had been theirs. They both wore the same 1st Holy Communion and Confirmation dresses (all white lace, satin, taffeta, lace gloves, veil, white lace tights) and I wore that around the house a lot. Plus all their former party and Christmas, easter dresses were now mine to enjoy. By 7th and 8th grade I loved wearing real bras and wished my breasts would develop like them. Then high school into pantyhose, colored tights, lots of polyester + ruffles, and kept my hair very long, and with fair skin, very late puberty so no body/facial hair, and slight frame (5’8″ 128lbs) and skinny legs – adding some blue eye shadow, mascara, pink lip gloss, and jewelry, and I loved seeing myself in a full-length mirror looking 100% like a girl, pre-teen, young teen, even young lady at 17 or 18.
I have always felt girlie, loved acting feminine, adore female clothes, and jewelry-nails-perfume . . . and I am still exactly the very same in every way as a 49+ mature woman.
Ufff, well it was a 20 year evolution I guess.
I recall clearly that I was 6 years old the first time I dared to use one of my mother’s dresses. Even at that age (and being so slow as I am for everything) I felt good with it, and tought I really waned to use them instead of my “normal” clothes.
I didn’t think of it as strange, as I had been entertaining the idea for some time, before deciding to wear it. So, I wantedto use them, but since it was mother’s clothes I couldn’t use them while she was around (and for no other reason besides the “I have to respect other’s belongings”). Really, I thought if she saw me with her clothes she would be mad for not using my own (understood as”my” not “boy’s” clothes). I saw it as something natural until one day I wore one while with my brother. I asked him if he didn’t want to try one (whenever something makes me feel good, I share it with others), and his reaction told me everything that would be the next 20 years: he said matter-of-factly “no, why would I?”. He said it on a honest question tone, and I couldn’t answer him, because I understood that it wasn’t as natural as I felt it was. Indeed, why would a boy want to use girl’s clothes?
So, I tought I couldn’t have those feelings and tried to bury them away. Of course, even a zombie stays buried longer than your true nature. And so, for the next years I kept looking at feminine things and thinking I wanted them, and then tried not to think of it. When I was around 9 years old, I remember I passed endless nigths awake just picturing on my mind several (fantastic) ways or scenarios In which I could be a woman.
At the moment I didn’t pay any attention, it was years later I became aware that I really wanted to become a woman. I wished I was born that way, instead of “becoming”, but what can be done? I was a boy and nothing could change that right? I tought so, until a night (around 12 years old) when I saw a talk show, in which they were interviewing with a transexual. Until that point I didn’t know it was possible, “but it is!” I said. I think that was the first moment I let myself go with real expectations of “becoming” a woman. I was born a boy, but it could be corrected.
That impulsed me to keep dressing while I was alone at home. But as I grew, I figured it was wrong for me to do it, I tried to stop, but that wouldn’t do, I needed it. So I change from a denial stance to a “I accept it, but have to keep the secret” stance.
And that was it for nearly 8 years. Then, when I was 25, I one day asked myself if I was gay, and found out I’m actually bisexual. I was happy with that answer, now I could look at women and men without regrets. But what abouth the “other thing”? I asked then.
The answer was what changed my life. I decided to investigate, and found that I’m transgender. I didn’t know if only crossdresser, or I would want to be transexual. But I knew I had to stop being a man, I don’t want that life, I don’t want to keep lying to myself, I want to be me without restrictions. And so I started my official transition.
As I said, I didn’t have a defining point in my childhood, because it were any and many things that kept happening. But I know that at 6 I was aware I wanted to dress as a woman (to look as a woman), and around 9 I wished by heart I would be born as a woman.
I knew before age 5 I was not all boy, and frequently filled in as female in chorus, plays, and at Halloween. As many others, I worked to be manly, and purged clothing often, thinking I was heterosexual crosdresser. But how I relate to children and people in general is more female than male, much more empathy. Reading biography writings, and research showed that my identity is female, and explained why I struggled so greatly to be manly with cycle after cycle of clothes buying and purges- the woman in me needs expression.
When I was 12 yrs old growing up in a small town in Montana in the early 60’s. One night whilst babysitting my sister and she was asleep I found a pair of Mom’s panties and the most amazing thing happened. I got an erection and masturbated for the first time using those panties! The word “transgendered” wasn’t even in the publics consciousness then but I just knew that I would someday I would experiment with crossdressing and see how I would look as a female. Throughout high school I was the quarterback, point guard, catcher and javelin thrower on sports teams and everyone knew me as a “stud”…LOL.
Married at age 21 I began wearing my wife’s dresses when she wasn’t at home and I had gotten home earlier from college classes. I even asked her once if she would put makeup on me…which she reluctantly did. Very erotic for me…not so much for her. Divorced 3 years later.
Had a great career as a geologist and totally in the mountain man – type of personna, but living at home alone I began receiving mail order cosmetics and acquring some lingerie. Married again at age 36 and a few years later began presenting to my wife with lipstick and lingerie. She passed away 10 years later and at that point I began seriously CDing in the safety of my home. But that would not do. So 2 years ago at age 63 I came out to my friends and family that I was TG and started dressing out in public and have been 24/7 fulltime for the last 6 months in retirement. My lifelong dream has become true and I will live out my last phase of life as a woman and have never been so happy.
I was 6 the first time I tried on my moms pantyhose and heels. It felt so different and exciting I could not take them off. When my walked into my room and seen me in them she just told me to take them off. At dinner she told me do not wear them again it was my stepdad who told my mom if he wants to be a little sissy boy who are you too stop him. After that nite I use to put my moms clothing on all the time and walk around the house in her stuff. They both would laugh at me but I just loved how it felt on me. Brnda
By eight years old I knew I was more girl then boy, I love to wear dress skirts and heels. I started to put on makeup when at ten, by 12 I was always in girls clothes I had long hair that was past my shoulders, I would go to the store or just out side and always dress up with just a little make up on. The boys like me and I knew I was to be a women.
I was probably about 12 when I first started having dreams about wearing women’s clothing. It was a couple years later when I actually had access to sister’s things that I actually started putting on the pantyhose and dresses. Hiogh heels came much later before I bought some that fit and I could wear.
When I was 5 or 6 I had a neighbor girl that liked to dress me up as her girlfriend. I totally loved it and started doing little things at home with mothers clothing. By early teens I dressed fully with stuffed bra and a scarf on lipstick and her clothes and began taking walks dressed and even rode a transit bus dressed.