When presenting as a woman, every detail matters. The way you act is just as important as the way you look. This includes etiquette!
Does etiquette sound like an old-fashioned concept from the 1950s? It’s not.
Knowing the proper etiquette makes you look classy and goes a long way towards a positive first impression. (Besides, you never know when you might be invited to dinner at the White House or Buckingham Palace!)
In this blog post on trans / crossdressing training, we’ll delve into etiquette for common social situations. Here are 6 etiquette tips to know before your next en femme outing.
1. Girly Greetings
Greetings can be a landmine of potential awkwardness. Should you hug, kiss, or shake hands?
The rules are straightforward when meeting somebody for the first time:
- Shake the hand of the person you are being introduced to.
- If you are sitting down, stand up to shake their hand.
- Look them in the eyes and smile.
- Bonus points if you say the other person’s name when you meet them.
Kissing, air kissing, and hugs depend on cultural norms and how well you know somebody. When in doubt, let the other person lead.
Of course, if it’s a good friend, feel free to hug or kiss away!
2. The Proper Place for Your Purse
Where you put your purse says a lot about your manners. Did you know that putting your purse on the table in public is considered rude? That’s because it’s unhygienic.
Here’s what you should do instead:
Handbag etiquette:
- In casual settings, you can hang your bag on the back of your chair. However in formal settings, this is considered poor etiquette since it can trip up the wait staff.
- The other option is to place it on your lap or at your feet.
- You can also use a purse hook. This is a small hook you carry with you to hang your bag on the table. (Queen Elizabeth II is said to have used one!)
Clutch bag etiquette:
- Place the clutch on your lap (with your napkin on top) or behind you on your chair.
3. Napkin Etiquette
Napkin etiquette is simple: As soon as you are seated, put the napkin on your lap. You should never begin eating or drinking without your napkin on your lap.
If you get up to use the restroom, fold the napkin and place it on the left side of your plate.
4. How to Hold Your Wine Glass
If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably been holding your wine glass wrong.
The mistake most people make is to hold the glass by the “bowl.” This is a faux pas since it warms the drink inside and leaves smudge marks on the glass.
Instead, hold the glass at the stem by grasping it between your thumb and index finger. (Who votes for a “practice” session tonight?!)
5. Use the Right Utensils
Ah, the classic etiquette question: Which fork do I use? The answer is to start with the outermost utensil and work your way in with each course.
6. A Grand Finale
Now that you’ve made it through the occasion with perfect, ladylike manners, how do you make a grand finale?
- When you are done eating, rest your utensils diagonally (in parallel) across your plate.
- Your napkin should remain on your lap until you’re ready to leave the table.
- Never leave a party or event without saying your goodbyes. “Ghosting” is just plain rude.
Etiquette matters
As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts! Etiquette might not be the “sexiest” topic, but these details make a difference.
Curious to know more? Check out Emily Post’s Etiquette, 18th Edition.
Did any of these etiquette rules surprise you? Do you have any others to add to this list? Please share in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
P.S. Want to learn more tips on mastering your feminine presentation?
Sign up for my free 3-part Male to Female Transformation Mini Course here!
Hi Lucille, remember my Mom said that the purse must never be placed in the floor, for two reasons,
A) it can get dirty even if we do not see at first, when came close to our clothes can leave a stain.
B) is bad luck.
So if you are a believer or not better use those little hang clips especialy to place the bags hanging at side of the table, or you can ask the wait staf for a coat rack.
I don’t like putting my bag on the floor either. The purse hook is super handy!
And whatever you do, don’t fart at the table 🙂
My Dear Lucille :
It’s been far too long since I have written to you. My transition is being upheld by the fact that my visit to the endocrinologist has been delayed another two weeks, ( I need to see him in order to go on H.R.T., I want to do this the safe way ).
My feminine etiquette skills have been honed the proper way, except for the napkin placement. Now I know better how to be a proper lady at the table. I do like the tip about keeping my purse hooked to my seat from my keychain. This is really going to give people something to talk about.
As you are aware, I love to wear nylons and a dress to the table, I think it adds a certain style to my sissiness. However, at my place of residence, we have a group of very prejudiced people who really don’t approve of my transgendered lifestyle. I don’t have go anywhere near these people, but their icy stares and their rude comments said about me, are like painful daggers. Now, the guy in me would say
” Tough Shit “, but the polite lady in me says ” just mind your p’s and q’s, and say nothing, so that’s what I shall do.
Love you always,
Princess Jayme
Having read your comment, I’d like to offer something I learned through rejection of family. Those who stare or make rude comments. Beyond being polite, I prefer to realize those who have something to say or eyes of daggers speak and stare through their own burden more than likely dues to the inability to be their own true selves. Don’t allow others self reflections shadow your own mirror.
To bad you have neibors like that sorry to hear.
When I am dressed casually, I carry my pocketbook on my shoulder, but If I am dressed in an evening dress, I have a small purse with a short strap and I carry it next t my body just above my waist. Is that good?
Yes, that’s perfect Sharon!
Lucille, I have a further handbag question.. namely, if you are somewhere where you might want to get and dance, what is the right thing to do about the handbag? If it’s a big purse, no way do I want to bring it on the dance floor.. if there’s someone you know at the table, you can leave it there but what’s the right things to do? Thanks. Huggs, Jan
PS: I carry 2 small flashlights and a whistle in my bag for protection.. and yes, I carry a large purse.
Hi Jan, good for you for being prepared! Yes, that’s tricky. If the bartenders are friendly, you could ask to leave your purse with them. Otherwise, you could leave it on your seat – but make sure you can see it at all times when you are dancing.
Thanks Lucille. I don’t know that I’m comfortable leaving my purse out where anyone can lift it to look inside or steal it. I could carry a smaller purse or clutch but usually carry so much stuff that it’s not practical. Any other options or thoughts? I could only bring cash & CCards but would feel naked. Huggs. Jan
Hi all
One VERY VERY IMPORTANT remark in the case of our purses.
ALWAYS…and I say it again…ALWAYS…use a small chain to attach your purse to your chair.Do use a small carabiner (which is kept hidden in your purse attached to the band attachments with a small keyring), twist it(or even better use a small key ring) to attach it on to your purse, Click the key ring through the carabiner, twist and close.(these or similar, bot the just click and hold i mean http://www.chinatraderonline.com/Files/Gifts-and-Crafts/Carabiner/Carabiner-KeyChain/Mini-Carabiner-Keychain-22040078539.jpg).
This way you still can get to your bag when needed, but no one can swiftly fade it away… especially young girls and MtoF girls are victim in this devious game.
Another additional trick is a small magentis alarm (the cheap dooralarms of 4 euro will fit nicely in most purses, and some dual tape can glue it to the inside next to the lock. Only the one knowing can secretly slide her fingers inside and hit the off switch before opening.
If you do not want to rely on these tricks, always hold your purse wrapped around your offhand wrist on your lap. This way you can discretly hold it and do all thing needed with your dominant hand. If you are left handed hold the purse still with left while shaking hands. This works with small purses, the larger versions need the above mentioned tricks.
I’ve done some safety work, hence my knowledge, and there is waay too much negativity to ALL girls (including MtF) to let us become robbed too.
Have fun
how about curtsy? Thank You Shanna
Thank you so much for the tips Lucille. One of the things that I struggle with when going out with a purse whether it is a handbag,cross body, or clutch is how am I supposed to carry it or wear it. I am sure if I paid more attention when out shopping I could get a better idea but I just haven’t been paying enough attention to that aspect of femenine behavior.
Hi, Cynthia
I’m sometimes puzzled about what the situation requires, too. I understand your wondering what’s the right purse carrying style. Of course it varies. Your idea of watching other girls is good. I just want to qualify that, though. Things are pretty casual in my city. Many downtown denizens do things any old which way, so you may need to use some judgment before you emulate somebody. Still a good idea though, to take your cues from the lifelong practitioners.
Joan
Great question, Cynthia! In fact, I’m going to write a blog post on this. In the meantime, here’s a fun article about the different ways to hold your purse and what it says about you: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3254009/It-s-bag-Body-language-expert-reveals-way-hold-PURSE-shows-shy-practical-status-obsessed.html
Lucille, Thank you for the link and I look forward to your blog on this issue in the future. Truly appreciate your guidance with these seemingly trivial little actions that are simply crucial for us to present ourselves properly and be respectful to the entire female community!
Thanks for the tips, especially the one about not putting your purse on the table. What about when sitting at the bar, what should you do then?