When presenting as a woman, every detail matters. The way you act is just as important as the way you look. This includes etiquette!
Does etiquette sound like an old-fashioned concept from the 1950s? It’s not.
Knowing the proper etiquette makes you look classy and goes a long way towards a positive first impression. (Besides, you never know when you might be invited to dinner at the White House or Buckingham Palace!)
In this blog post on trans / crossdressing training, we’ll delve into etiquette for common social situations. Here are 6 etiquette tips to know before your next en femme outing.
1. Girly Greetings
Greetings can be a landmine of potential awkwardness. Should you hug, kiss, or shake hands?
The rules are straightforward when meeting somebody for the first time:
- Shake the hand of the person you are being introduced to.
- If you are sitting down, stand up to shake their hand.
- Look them in the eyes and smile.
- Bonus points if you say the other person’s name when you meet them.
Kissing, air kissing, and hugs depend on cultural norms and how well you know somebody. When in doubt, let the other person lead.
Of course, if it’s a good friend, feel free to hug or kiss away!
2. The Proper Place for Your Purse
Where you put your purse says a lot about your manners. Did you know that putting your purse on the table in public is considered rude? That’s because it’s unhygienic.
Here’s what you should do instead:
Handbag etiquette:
- In casual settings, you can hang your bag on the back of your chair. However in formal settings, this is considered poor etiquette since it can trip up the wait staff.
- The other option is to place it on your lap or at your feet.
- You can also use a purse hook. This is a small hook you carry with you to hang your bag on the table. (Queen Elizabeth II is said to have used one!)
Clutch bag etiquette:
- Place the clutch on your lap (with your napkin on top) or behind you on your chair.
3. Napkin Etiquette
Napkin etiquette is simple: As soon as you are seated, put the napkin on your lap. You should never begin eating or drinking without your napkin on your lap.
If you get up to use the restroom, fold the napkin and place it on the left side of your plate.
4. How to Hold Your Wine Glass
If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably been holding your wine glass wrong.
The mistake most people make is to hold the glass by the “bowl.” This is a faux pas since it warms the drink inside and leaves smudge marks on the glass.
Instead, hold the glass at the stem by grasping it between your thumb and index finger. (Who votes for a “practice” session tonight?!)
5. Use the Right Utensils
Ah, the classic etiquette question: Which fork do I use? The answer is to start with the outermost utensil and work your way in with each course.
6. A Grand Finale
Now that you’ve made it through the occasion with perfect, ladylike manners, how do you make a grand finale?
- When you are done eating, rest your utensils diagonally (in parallel) across your plate.
- Your napkin should remain on your lap until you’re ready to leave the table.
- Never leave a party or event without saying your goodbyes. “Ghosting” is just plain rude.
Etiquette matters
As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts! Etiquette might not be the “sexiest” topic, but these details make a difference.
Curious to know more? Check out Emily Post’s Etiquette, 18th Edition.
Did any of these etiquette rules surprise you? Do you have any others to add to this list? Please share in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
P.S. Want to learn more tips on mastering your feminine presentation?
Sign up for my free 3-part Male to Female Transformation Mini Course here!
I like learning these things because if I am going to be being rude I want it to be intentional!
Good way of putting it, haha. 🙂
an Endro to fix your hormones?i was wondering if my hormones aren’t quite right.the mornings are hard for me.sometimes i feel uneasy like something is about to happen then I’m fine later on.may be stress but could it be hormones?
Annie
With the exception of the handbag etiquette rules, your advice should be heeded by everyone–it’s just good manners! The rules are right on, and so often ignored or simply violated by ignorance. Ladies, it’s not a sign of snobbishness or conceit to exhibit appropriate behavior; on the contrary, it conveys a message of respect for your tablemates, fellow diners and waitstaff. Well said, Lucille!
Thank you, Amy! I love what you said here: It’s not a sign of snobbishness or conceit to exhibit appropriate behavior.
Well, I never thought that I was a transgender woman but in June of this year it got to the point when I just could not go on without seeing an endocrinologist. I was going crazy in myself. I was getting anxiously upset about the smallest things and I could not stop myself from doing this. I was a nervous wreck after my trip to Milan but when I think about it even beforehand! Well, I had to wait about a month before I saw my first endo but when I did he put me on a form of H.R.T. right away. It has been over 3 weeks now. I feel so much better. “Pour moi la vie va commencer!” Just like the song goes! So many little things are better for me now! My cranial hair is growing back, my lashes are longer and because I am happier I work out at the gym more and my waist is smaller! I should not have waited so long for this but I could never quite relate to what other transwomen were saying about themselves. I never hated my body. I never felt like killing myself. I must say, though, I sure was not comfortable with it either. When I told the endocrinologist that I felt 200 or 300 years of age I started to cry. No-one prior seemed to know what I was talking about until I met him.
I do not go out much so I do not have much experience with going out. Only just recently did I find out what a clutch was ( other than the one in one’s car) yet now I own 2 of them. My hand bag is a little antiquated and so am I for the matter! I still drive a manual. And I still drive a manual transmission car! I am phobic about finding new places!
I can see also that the next time I travel overseas and even just out-of-state for the matter I am going to need to change my driver’s license to FEMALE (though I do not like to use the word in reference to humans) as there was another incident with me at the LA border control. I must have started babbling in French, (a language I know well) so the woman security guard spoke to me in this language…” refaire…refaire…refaire! I had to go through the metal detector for a total of 5 times and this is not the first incident of the kind!
Very important tips to becoming female.
Thank you, Lucille, for your etiquette tips. We can all use reminders of proper behavior.
I was pleased to see all the responses on purse technique. I loved the suggestion to use a small clasp, carabiner or such, to secure one’s purse when leaving it behind at a table. Now if I can only find a rhinestoned one… I can often hang the strap on my knee. I keep trying to remember to bring a table hook, but my old brain needs a lot of patience! By the way, some bars and lunch counters have hooks under the counter for your bag. Check it out.
Another tip: Don’t hang your purse on your chair back in Italy. Very opportunistic purse-snatchers abound there!
I have to unashamedly confess that I am given to hugging folks even when I don’t know them well. No one seems to mind. My bad, but will likely continue.
A comment: When you rest your eating utensils diagonally across your plate, the servers have a much easier time of picking the whole works up. You will be appreciated.
Now go girls, and wow ’em with your gracious behavior!
Hi Joan,
I’m a hugger, too! Nothing wrong with that at all as long as the other person doesn’t mind!
Very nice veluable tips pl keep guiding
Very nice veluable tips pl keep guiding