Have you ever felt misunderstood?
Sadly, there’s a lot of ignorance out there! That’s why in this blog post, I want to debunk common myths about crossdressers and transgender women.
Let’s start with one of the biggest misconceptions that’s unfortunately still hanging around:
Myth: Transgender women, crossdressers, and drag queens are all the same.
While all these are valid ways of expressing one’s gender, they represent distinct groups, and it’s important not to use these terms interchangeably.
To clarify, here’s how the GLAAD Media Reference Guide defines some common transgender terms:
- Transgender women – People who were assigned male at birth but who identify as women. Many transgender women are prescribed hormones or undergo surgery, but transgender identity is not dependent upon medical procedures.
- Crossdressers – Men, typically heterosexual men, who occasionally wear clothes, makeup, and accessories associated with women. This activity is a form of gender expression and is not done for entertainment purposes. Crossdressers do not wish to permanently change their sex or live full-time as women.
- Drag queens – Men, typically gay men, who dress like women for the purpose of entertainment.
- Gender non-conforming – A term used to describe some people whose gender expression is different from conventional expectations of masculinity and femininity. The term is not a synonym for transgender or transsexual and should only be used if someone self-identifies as gender non-conforming.
- Non-binary and/or genderqueer – Terms used by some people who experience their gender identity and/or gender expression as falling outside the categories of male and female. The term is not a synonym for transgender and should only be used if someone self-identifies as non-binary and/or genderqueer.
Now that the record has been set straight, let’s look at some of the most common myths about crossdressers and transgender women.
7 Myths About Transgender Women
- Being transgender is a choice.
- Transgender people are gay.
- Transgender women aren’t “real” women.
- Your sex is defined by your chromosomes and/or hormones.
- You have to have surgery to be a “real” transgender person.
- You aren’t transgender until you start hormone therapy.
- Kids and teens are too young to know if they’re really transgender.
7 Myths About Crossdressers
- Crossdressers are gay.
- Crossdressers are perverts.
- Crossdressing is a psychological problem.
- Crossdressing can be cured.
- Crossdressers want to change their sex.
- Crossdressing is a destructive addiction.
- Crossdressers can’t be good husbands or fathers.
Have you heard any of these myths before? They’re frustrating and hurtful, aren’t they? It’s time for the world to wake up and realize this truth:
Your gender is who you are on the inside. There are countless ways to express your gender, and all are completely valid!
To help spread this truth, check out these excellent resources from GLAAD below. They’re a great way to increase awareness about transgender issues.
Recommended Resources from GLAAD
Now let’s hear from you…
What’s the truth that YOU’D like to set straight? Let’s continue the conversation in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
For so long, I never knew, nor did I ever dream there were others like me. I use to think of suicide often as a way out. I lived in fear…fear of what I was, a freak, a pervert, a weirdo. So what did I do, I joined the Army…to keep that part of me suppressed, I became macho man and I lived the lie. I loathed what I had become, a fake, a fraud, I couldn’t stand the bravado I put forth just to survive. I wasn’t gay, but I always doubted…what was I. I love women. I only wanted to be with women. In all ways, I wanted to be in the girls club, the slumber parties, the wardrobes, shoes, makeup. I was envious of my wife. She could bare our children. She could express herself and cry and let her emotions run amok. I had to remain stoic. I had to be stern. I had to be strong. Women “say” they want the men that can cry at sad movies or enjoy a ballet, or know how to shop…reality however, a different thing. All hetero women want the bad boy biker, the Sam Elliot type, the John Waynes. Now at 50, I look back and think, it wasn’t so bad. Many times, I too bought and purged. I’d see a pair of shoes I’d want, buy them, hide them, wear once…then the guilt, the shame, the internal turmoil. I’d purge myself clean, be the man, go hunting with the guys, golf on Saturday, sure…the turmoil, never left. Sometimes I would just curl up and cry…loneliness, darkness, fear. And somewhere along the way, someone in the darkness, a voice?…you’re not any different than so many others. Look, see, others just like you. Thank you Lucille.
{{{{HUGS}}}} Expressed nicely, thanks for your service, I wish you could have served as Jenny, girls like us are so strong when we are free to be ourselves. “Now at 50, I look back and think, it wasn’t so bad.” I have had the same thought. I’ve had a good life although struggles, stress & pain at time but who doesn’t right. Chin up, shoulders back and walk that run way girl. LOL
in my personal life, i know a little too well just how negative some people can be.. i’ve heard some of these myths as well come from the mouths of some people i’d really not have expected. i’ve had to learn to just grit my teeth and bear it, sometimes its not worth a fight. i dunno, maybe i’m just chicken. i just keep telling myself that imma be leaving here soon, and that everything’s gonna be ok. it doesn’t matter what people say or think, what matters for me is what i do for myself and/or others. my happiness trumps certain peoples’ insecurities anyday. i started on hormones 3 months ago but i’ve been having to be completely secret about it for now.. which is becoming a bit difficult because of some of the changes my body has already begun to have.. i know i should have transitioned long time ago but didn’t due to fear of my families’ rejection and *anything*phobic attitudes. i’ve been working with my therapist for awhile, and i’m over that now, i’m just happy i’m finally doing this!! (x
Dear Ami,
I think it is very brave of you to leave this message including a lovely photo of you. We live in a world of fear. We are afraid of almost everything. It leads to intolerance and aggression. We are afraid of being different. I can only say that history shows that we really blossomed when other cultures and other beliefs were allowed to blend. Otherwise we will only get what we always got, because we do what we always did. You can hardly believe that grown men are afraid that beautiful persons like you will infect children with a disease. It is unbearable. And the question to ask is how good a place to live in has been created by those that consider themselves to be the norm.
I admire your courage. I envy it. I wish I had it. I know my mother will die of sorrow if I would have to tell her. I would damage my wife who has been good to me. So I live it to the fullest but part time. I wish I knew 30 years ago what I know now.
I hope you are here to stay for a long time and become the beautiful woman you are. You are an example to me and hope for a better world.
Kisses,
Tessa
{{{{HUGS}}}} to both Ami & Tessa
We – as a community – are often ourselves obsessed with knowing who we are, and trying to decide whether we are transgender or crossdressers. I found an excellent transcript of a meeting that I would urge everyone who is in doubt, confused or just wants to understand us all better, to read this. It dispels myths and stereotypes about us. Though not answering everything, it certainly helped me to identify more closely with who I am. It dates back to 1990, but that shouldn’t put anyone off – it was well ahead of its time, and still very well worth reading: Observations about Transgender People, presented to ETVC, San Francisco, August 11, 1990, by Lin Fraser EdD.
She also wrote a paper in 2009 called “Depth psychotherapy with transgender people” which provides more interesting analysis.
Possibly more research has added even more to the analysis since. If anyone has seen more recent work by Lin Fraser on this subject, I would love to know.
Thank you for the encouraging and uplifting posts. These are both educational and do so very much to fight my depression. I’m in a marriage where we, transgenders, are fine but, not ANYWHERE near my wife or our children … and that includes me … at times I feel like I am the one who is wrong. When I come here, read these posts, i am reminded that I am who and what I am. I am a a woman in spite of the body I was born with.
I can’t count the number of times I threw out all my feminine attire thinking that I’m over that stage, but only to spend a lot more money replenishing my wardrobe. I consider myself transgender as ever since I can remember at age 4, I wanted to be a girl. Yes, it felt good wearing my sister and mothers panties, etc., but that wasn’t enough for me. As youngsters we bathed together and when I saw that I had something different than my sister, I became envious. I wanted what she had — a pussy.
Here 60 some years later, married with two kids and grandkids, I still haven’t lost the urge (desire) to be a woman from head to feet in every aspect – not just what I’d want as I truly believe I was born the wrong sex and want to endure what all women do from menstral cramps to bearing children and so on.
I’ve taken female hormones for many years on and off, some I don’t know if were really female hormones or not. I did have access to real hormones for several years and reaped great reward with a gorgeous set of breasts with nipples that harden to the touch or one’s hand or my shirt. My aurolas are large and golden brown which highlight the nipples as do they for any woman. Now I need to figure out how to shrink the mid section and I’d be happy. I still pray each night that when I awake that I would be a whole woman.
Had I of had the opportunity when I was young (in my teens) and know what I know now, I would have gone all the way. While watching porn, I don’t envy the men getting bj’s and making wild passionate love to the women but envy the women as that is what I’d love to be doing (as a woman that is). I play with my breasts a lot and love the sensitivity of my nipples as they immediately harden. When I wear a demi bra, if you would only look at my breasts, the cleavage is parallel to any real woman’s breasts.
Keep up the good work Lucille and I’ll keep on dreaming the “Dream of all Dreams — that one day I’ll be all that I should be — a complete woman.
Love & Kisses,
Karen Kay
Well stated, as always Lucille. Still so amazing that women can try on just about anything ‘male” (jeans, boots, boxers, shirts, jackets, hats) and wear their hair short, and enjoy freedom in public. But so much misconception stereotypes about T-gals.
I’ll say this, I HAVE thoroughly crushed many people’s misconceptions stereotypes once they’ve met me and talked. I do legal research/writing reports for a big law firm in LA and it was first my co-workers and bosses who were pleasantly surprised to find me at my desk in black pencil skirt, knit top with blazer or sweater, black stockings and black flats, and very tasteful “everyday-average” make-up, hair, nails, jewelry. Once they realized my desire to simply be another gal in the office/at the firm, that was that. Same for clients and site-visits, as who knows what others were expecting from me, but were so disarmed to see such an average gal.
I’ve always advocated that when T-gals everywhere simply fit into everyday, average, daily public places for work, walking around, shopping, dining . . . . that’s when society will just go with it as no big deal.
Loved your input.
Nicely said Lucille. Thank you for all your work. It’s appreciated greatly. x
I often just read the comments and nod a little, sometimes even a grimace a little. However, this is a special discussion. I have long been correcting the error of nature.
Oddly I do not identify as Transgender. Transgender isn’t me, it doesn’t explain my emotions, my nuances or my moods.
In my case, I have never had doubt – a simple genetic error placed me in the wrong body – but heart heart, soul and mind are intact (admittedly battered through out the years through miss-education & misunderstanding but complete none-the-less).
What’s a little scary was when I was a hormone filled teenager I doubted who I was – there was no description for what I was feeling at the time, and even the psychologists I visited were less than useful (except 1, but when he told my carers THEY were the ones that needed to adapt – I was never allowed to go to any more sessions) I used crossdressing as a form of expression “because I must”. It took a while for me to understand the terminology that was then thrust upon me. “tranny”, “freak”, “one-of-those” we often terms used to refer to me in my household… I guess my point is, we are more than categories and easy-to-understand foolscape labels.
We are a spectrum.
Wonderful, wonderful loving human beings.
“Wonderful, wonderful loving human beings.” I couldn’t agree with you more.