“Passing as a woman” is the Holy Grail for many crossdressers and transgender women.
But is it really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of not “passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it… it’s not always easy!
It could take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and presenting yourself as a woman. You might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
That means that unless you plan to live as a woman full time, trying to become 100% passable just isn’t practical.
Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look feminine and harmonious enough not to stand out in a negative way – even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a cisgender (genetic) woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU!
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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My concern about not passing can be translated as the fear of being target of violence. I think it would be good blending in even if the 100% of the population don’t think I’m a genetic woman. However, ladies who can be easily identified as transgender are more susceptible of being target of insults and even violent incidents. Unfortunately, that’s a fact we also need to be aware of. I just wanted for people being more tolerant and accepting human beings’ diversity.
I’ve lived, worked and played full time now for about 5 months. It’s not as long when compared to some of my sisters here, so I only write this based on my brief experiences from the last 5 months. At 1st, my goal was to be 100% passable – but as time went on I began to believe blending in was a more realistic pragmatism – it works for me. Its no secret at the office where I work that I am a T Girl – many have come to accept me for who I truly am. But, when I am outside the office, I feel pretty certain I blend right in as a woman – there really isn’t too much that gives me away – but off and on, there is someone who seems to be “in tune” with this, most often a gg. She will be with friends, and you know you have been made out when the giggling, the ogles, and such start. This would be terrible for me at first. Then the thought crossed my mind about how to deal with this, and it was , “Okay, so you know I am a T-Girl, ‘So What’.. life goes”. My belief is that it all comes down to, as we have heard many times in this forum, “confidence” – plain and simple. Today, I tend to go right up to the group mocking me in their petty fashion, and I will introduce myself and engage in some girly chit chat if they seem friendly enough. I have even recommend my “fashion consultant” out of New York (Lucille Sorella) for those whose appearance seems “tired”. But you know, at the end of the day, when its all said and done, I can hardly wait for the next day to begin – and without the slightest worry I am going to made out as a T-Girl, because it just doesn’t matter. Hugzzz ____ Bonnie
Fantastic Comments on a Supremely Interesting Topic! Thank you so much Lucille and Everyone! I believe we reach our goal ( a choice for each individual to make ) when our minds accept the ideal or image we have worked to achieve. Lucille is so right about small goals turning into big achievements, by blending in or general acceptance encourages me to work harder with less effort as my movements and thoughts become more natural. It took me years to overcome my anxiety. Much Love Honey
I am out and don’t care who knowa
After reading all these comments, I think all of us would just like to be considered female 100% of the time and just have it over with already. Unfortunately, in being someway transgendered, that is not the case for all of us. In my opinion, if I were transitioning and going full time, passing would ultimately be important to me if I were going be living and working 24/7 as female.
TRUE passing, in my opinion, is going to the store or running an errand wearing a t-shirt or sweatshirt, jeans or sweatpants, a baseball cap with your hair in a ponytail pulled back with no makeup on, and still being addressed as “Ma’am”. I know I can’t do that yet, that’s for sure.
I also can’t live full time at this point in my life, so blending in is the key. I always try to look my best, but I don’t do anything over the top with clothes, hair, or makeup. I’m very blessed that I’m 5 foot 7 in. tall, have a full head of hair that I curl and style into a short, feminine hair-do, can fit into a womens’ size 10-12, and my smallest pair of pumps is a womens’ 8 1/2 wide. I know these physical traits give me somewhat of an edge.
But I’ve learned that I cannot pass year-around in all settings and situations, so I simply do not let myself get into those settings or situations! I also get read some of the time, too, and I still sometimes get a little nervous too. So I always give myself the option to “bail out” of a setting or place if I’m feeling a little uncomfortable about it, and I go someplace else or go home. But I don’t let 1 “less than successful” outing get me down. Somedays are just not my days. That is just part of the human condition whether you’re transgendered or not.
To the girls here who don’t or can’t venture out in public: you don’t know what you’re missing. I tried and failed at it so many times I can’t even count, but I kept at it because I just didn’t want to frolic around home all alone en-femme anymore. I needed to experience “life out there” as Jeanette to see if “she” is who I really need to be.
To those of us who DO venture out… those female pronouns are pretty awesome, aren’t they? I’ve been addressed as “Ma’am & “she” and once heard “Let this woman go ahead of us” in a checkout line before and let me tell you, it’s an incredible feeling! It’s just as incredible and validating to be simply ignored. So those of us who DO venture out… WE are the “ambassadors” of our TG community, and in my opinion, MUST give the best impression of ourselves as we can, period.
I agree with Jennifer C.’s post a couple of pages back, when she said: “dress slightly more upscale than the average for one’s intended destinations, allowing one to blend in while also presenting the very best impression of one’s feminine tastes.” WOW. That’s perfect.
Generally, people in public places are so engrossed in their own agendas and what they’re doing, that if you simply blend in, you usually don’t get a second look. I, like many of us here, know this from experience.
Thanks to Lucille for posting this blog! Stay Beautiful ~
Jeanette Fontaine
It is a good feeling when someone addresses you as a woman. It doesn’t happen so much but every once in a while when I’m just myself some will see and address me as a woman dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and so you think, feeling warm all over, it is possible.
keep the faith Jeanette
passing is’nt important anymore as i’m getting older etc. i don’t go out anymore, im just content to be as i am at home.
I also think that “blending” is the goal. Although I usually get “she’d” and “maam’d” when I’m out, I don’t consider myself to be completly passable. I do pay attention to detail with my makeup and clothes … that is important.
I would dearly love to pass, but my body shape, especially upper body; make it impossible. However, I still adore dressing, even if alone, and if offered a ‘cure’ – I would say ‘no thank you’ – I’m ok with who I am.
AngelaLyn