Embracing your true self as a transgender woman or crossdresser can be challenging to say the least. It’s no surprise that fear often stands in the way of taking the next step!
Have you ever considered what you would do if fear didn’t hold you back?
- Would you plan an exciting femme outing?
- Would you confidently reveal your feminine side to someone significant?
- Would you embrace living as a woman, regardless of naysayers?
We often have a million reasons why we can’t do something – be it our age, family responsibilities, or finances.
But the truth is, it usually boils down to fear.
Are you ready to be fearless? Here are 3 tips to help you conquer your fear so you can confidently express your fabulous female self.
1. Accept Your Fear
What you resist often persists. However, when you accept your fear, it has a peculiar way of losing its grip on you.
Our minds are designed to keep us safe. Facing unknown situations or potential disapproval triggers fear in us by default.
Recognizing fear as a natural biological response can make it easier to accept. Remember, feeling fear doesn’t signify weakness – it just means you’re human!
(Note: I’m not suggesting you ignore fear in situations concerning your physical safety. Always use common sense in these cases.)
2. Replace Your Fear Thoughts
Have you ever worried that something terrible would happen, only to realize it never did? Most fear arises from our thoughts vs. the actual reality of the situation.
You cannot simultaneously think two thoughts. Therefore, if you focus on a positive thought, it becomes impossible to think a negative or fearful one at the same time.
Drowning out your fear thoughts with soothing thoughts can go a long way in helping you deal with your fear. Here are some thoughts to try:
- I deserve this.
- I’ve done harder things before.
- I am stronger than my fear.
3. Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway
There is a book out there called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. I highly recommend you read the book, but the title alone is a great motto to live by.
The core idea is simple yet powerful: the only way to conquer a specific fear is to confront it head-on and take action. Once you do it, there’s nothing left to fear!
Have you ever noticed that the more you avoid something, the scarier it becomes? Avoidance doesn’t dispel fear; it merely builds anticipation, which often proves worse than the actual event.
The more you face your fears and take action despite them, the stronger and more confident you become.
Are you ready to be fearless?
So what would YOU do if you had no fear? Are you willing to take one small step in that direction? As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below!
Love,
Lucille
Great expectations!!
Modern methods probably mean you’ll have to jump tandem (with your instructor strapped to your back).
When I first jumped (about 12 years ago)we went solo, with a static line attached to the plane that pulled the ripcord, opening our chutes. …Talk about SCARY – until the chute opened and the world was revealed to you in its full glory. Hanging there in mid air a couple of thousand feet above the ground was one of the greatest adrenalin rushes I’ve EVER experienced!! ‘Flaring’ the chute by pulling on both control line at the same time would slow your decent down so much – and it got so quiet – you could almost the the angels flapping their wings!
Believe me, it’s hard to get the courage up, but I almost guarantee you’ll walk away from the landing zone with a grin that will feel like you’ve cracked your face. (That was the result for me 13 times!!)
Enjoy yourself! KatyK
FEAR, False Evidence Appearing Real. There are some tricks to get over your fears among what Lucille mentioned. Another is this, when you see that you have a fear, replace it with the word unfamiliar. Make sure you repeat it that way ” I am unfamiliar with going out in public en femme”. We all have our “box” the internal rules we set to protect ourselves from harm, ridicule and even just being wrong. these “rules” began when we were a child and we added to them as we grew up. The good ones and the bad ones. Everything you want in your life but do not have is outside that box. You are your only obstacle girls. I am set to go full time on January 1st. I have everything ready to go and just have to send in my name change papers. I am now wondering why I am still waiting til then. I have no real reason to wait save for finishing electrolysis and growing my hair out. What that means is I have no excuse. But I am still waiting. I have been out in public often and had nothing happen. In many cases no one even knew. I learned to always smile when someone looks at you, they will almost always smile back. That smile is enough to feel accepted it is enough maybe for them to know that you are confident, so they are confident to let you be yourself. This life is so wonderful and so spiritual. Once you get beyond the looks, deportment, the voice, the clothes. You find out what it means to be feminine, and those things are simply expressions of it, not definitions for it. It is to truly be free when your gender is expressed within, not without.
Premarin-fruit of the gods.
I agree fear is an emotion that has positive & negative aspects. When I was a younger person, I would mask my fear dangerously with strong substance use. Fortunately, I realized that I needed to move on from that mentality. Everybody has their own circumstances to consider. Recently, I was confiding with my trust~worthy beauty therapist. I said, “I’m here today, because it is my turn to care about me! It’s my turn!” She laughed and thoroughly understood, agreed with me and started my waxing appointment. I tend because of my caring nature to look after everybody else first. I always seem to find excuses to help others and put my needs/desires on the back~burner. I realize doing this is a cover for my fear. I’m not blaming my mother, but she was my major role-model for me; i.e., serving others first, because she always accented, “Being nice!!!” as a positive attribute. Wig purchasing is a step to a femme outing for me. Living full-time will be an option. However,I need to find a suitable female psycho~therapist to help prepare me for this. Family matters impinge also. I need to more courageously down~load this habitual protecting/providing for others conditioning that I no longer want. I will more fearlessly ramp~up the nurturing and caring for my true femme-self. Thank you for ur constant support Lucille and staff. Seasons Greetings also to us all!! Love Jaine
I jumped many years ago, during an outing at college. It’s an experience that’s hard to describe, hanging there below that chute, and seeing everything! To say it’s exhilarating doesn’t do it justice. I hope you find the event as awesome as I did. I enjoy your articles, and have put many of the thoughts into practice.
While my femme self has been around for many years, I went public
only recently, and it’s been a liberating, wonderful change in my life. Thanks so much for all your support. This Saturday I’ll be attending my first big party, a true coming out for me.
Wizard of Oz on “fear”,spoken to the cowardly lion: You, my friend, are a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate impression that just because you run away you have no courage; you’re confusing courage with wisdom.
Well, “fear” is important.
If you feel “fear”, there usually is a good reason why and you should “trust” that feeling…”doing it anyway” could lead to harm.
When I first started living full time, there was a fear of humiliation, embarrassment, violence, rejection, disgrace, and many other fears. As time went on, and acceptance, passing, self-confidence, all eased many fears, some fears still belong in the lives of people like us.
I think we should always “fear” violence, we should always “fear” hurting the feelings of those we love, we should “fear” hate, and many other fears are legitimate.
There is a reason some people “fear” skydiving…because once in a great while, people get hurt or squished doing it.
There is also a reason why TS/TG/CD/TV’s “fear” being “femme” in public because once in awhile people get hurt or humiliated doing it.
I am very happy to hear you are skydiving because that means you are controlling your “fear” ad not letting your “fear” control you!
You understand one of your “biggest fears” yet you have the courage to do it anyway…we should all live life that way
Cris
Without the “fear” of the “squish” Lucille, the jump would lose some of it’s “thrill” 🙂
Just think how exciting things are before and during your jump…then remember how brave you were after your jump…over a few margaritas 🙂
You bring up some great points, Cris. Fear IS meant to protect us and I should probably preface this post by suggesting we all use common sense when “doing it anyway”. That said, the only way any of us can evolve as humans is to step out of our comfort zones. It sounds like you have mastered this subject beautifully.
P.S. Now did you have to remind me that people get squished skydiving, LOL? 🙂
Hello All!
Fear is a powerful element to deal with. I have just had a situation where I am so freightened to pass out my information that it’s cost me 2 jobs. I had 2 chances to work f/t as the woman I am, but I am not “out” at work and don’t think I am quite ready for that yet, but if I got a new job and started as a female employee, that would be different. The companies said they only cared about my professional expertise and that being transgender is not of any consequence to them. I am still leary about it, but how do they check my references if they don’t know who I am as a male? I probably did a real hack job with my resume and I left things out that should be in there like a phone number. I asked to be contacted only via email until such time that I get a new phone – a Kelli phone that is. How does one overcome this fear? I mean it’s my career on the line and I’m having a hard time with throwing caution to the wind and just going for it, though I’d like to. I mean I’m ready to buy a new wardrobe for work and to be f/t, but I don’t have the paperwork done on it. Any tips for how to handle this kind of situation? Would be appreciated if any helpful hints pop up. Thanx all!
C. Kelli Lynne R.