I’ve observed that many crossdressers and transgender women recognize their gender identity at a young age. For some, it’s an early realization, while for others, it unfolds later in life.
I’m curious about your experience…
When did you first realize you were female or had a feminine side? Was this something you felt as a child, or did it develop over time?
I’d love to hear your story! Feel free share your thoughts in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
i have always known i was a girl since before i was born but because my brothers was gay and they was getting trouble from the guys around the area that i grew up in i kept it hidden until now as i have moved away from the area and am somewhere where i am accepted for who and what i am
about when I was 40, I found out that I had a medical problem. my chromosomes were messed up. broken or missing “y”‘s. am now 77 and I pass well. I go out often and dress every day. I would love to hear from all of you…………
I have as long as I can remember knew I was a girl . It didn’t just start one day. When I was very young I didn’t know what it was but as I got older I began to understand. I fought it a long time but I just keep coming back to femininity. I love everything about being female and I’m in the process of coming out slowly. Very few people know that I’m feminine but that just grew this week and I’m happy to say they are understanding and want to help which made me want to cry. I’m so happy 🙂
I put on a girdle for the first time when I was a teenager and got very excited. I did not try to wear women’s clothes again until I was in my mid twenties when I surprised my wife by slipping on her panties during lovemaking. Her excited reaction stimulated me to explore more and more until I now go as far as putting on makeup and a wig and wearing all types of female clothes when I am alone
I think I always knew, though I didn’t realize what the feelings meant or how to describe them until much later. I’ve been jealous of women and considered them the superior gender since I can remember. One of my earliest memories is of trying on my mom’s clothes, and her telling me it’s ok to pretend but that’s not how boys dress.
As puberty hit full swing I felt vary out of place in my body. My first crush was a friend who was into the goth scene and I remember wanting to dress like her: jewelry/earrings, dark makeup, WIDE jnco jeans and tight shirts. My parents put their foot down about the makeup and so I lived for concerts and Halloween, the only times I was allowed makeup or was far enough away from my parents that I could get away with it (though a friends sister outed me once after a concert and caused a huge fight with my parents). Later on I tried to butch it up, to compensate for my femininity by dressing like my dad and other people I saw as masculine (this lead to several years of fashion-tragedy). I kept the earrings as a rebellious statement but boots, lose jeans and baggy t-shirts adorned my body in those days, I was over compensating. Around 15 I started tattooing myself. I wanted to fit the “ultimate masculine” image I had in my mind, and to feel control over my body. I have 13 tattoos now, 16 if you count the cover ups I did/had done so far. I still need to spend $1000+ to cover the ones I hate and touch up the ones I like so I don’t look like a prisoner. Worst. feeling. ever.
Eventually I married, the earrings came out and I thought I accepted the role society had for me, but there where still signs. I HATED buying cloths, nothing looked right to me. I often jokingly described myself to close friends as a butch lesbian in a man’s body anytime I felt I did something feminine, the best lie is truth sometimes. when my (now ex) wife and I got into ru pauls drag race I started coming unraveled. I started trying on her clothes in secret, eventually I suggested we go in drag for Halloween which scared her a lot and so I shut it all inside again. After 6 years we seperated, and divorced 11 months later. I came out as gay a few months after the separation, which is a whole other story of repression and coming out by itself.
Once out as gay I started letting the feminine side out much more freely but still haven’t told anyone I’m trans, not even my new partner. I think he knows though, I was, after all, shaved from face to toe when we met and I told him I was interested in crossdressing but unsure that I could pull it off. Since we met last February I have managed to assimilate all those feelings and accept that I have a female brain and male body. I still don’t know if I will ever transition, i would definitely need ffs to be comfortable as a woman. My plan now is to be myself and practice things like walk, voice and posture while easing into the femenine style I’m so used to avoiding. I bought my first panties, nothing fancy but I felt amazing. Girls jeans & shirts are on my shopping list for next payday and I’m super-excited about it. again, nothing fancy or extreme, nobody would really notice except that “Jo(e) looks gayer” but I’m a practical girl and put comfort over style, that’s never going to change. I’m still internally debating coming out to my partner and starting hrt, it’s something I think I want but I’m unsure and hrt is the line where I feel I need to come out to him. At this point I’m not as interested in the physical changes of hrt as I am in emotional changes. I still have a lot of social anxiety and often feel internal conflict, which I associate with testosterone.
I still don’t really have a particular desired outcome to this journey, beyond self-expression. I’m still coming to grips, still finding my comfort zone. All I really know is that I’m different and I want to embrace myself instead of conforming.
I kind of always knew I was different. As a child I used to prefer wearing my sisters dresses and playing with her dolls and Girls World doll. Unfortunately I used to get beaten by my dad whenever he caught me doing anything like that, will never forget those words he would shout at me whilst ‘beating it out of me’ – “I will teach you to not wear girls clothes, boys don’t wear girls clothes”, every word was combined with a hit. I guess you could say I went in to hiding to not get beaten but in all told I just became better at hiding it from people. When I hit my 20’s I was severely depressed and wrote a 4 page A4 size letter to my mum about everything (my parents got divorced when I was 8). She said she knew I wasn’t quite the same as my 2 brothers and that she just wants me to be happy, we sat there on the stairs and cried. She came with me to see my GP who referred me for counselling with the clinics counsellor. I was then referred to the local gender specialists who after just one meeting referred me to the local superior gender specialist who again after just one meeting referred me to Charing Cross. I actually make a little joke about it with my friends who know all about me and say “What did you expect, I am a Gemini”
Life is what you make it, nobody else can live your life but you. Choose to be happy, choose to be you.
I have known about the girl inside me for as long as I can remember. I did the things that boys were expected to do but I really wanted to play with dolls with the girls. Whenever we played “house” I felt obligated to want to be the “daddy.” I really wanted to be the “mommy.” I also envied the girls because of their darling dresses and pretty curls in their hair.
When I was about six my family was watching television in the living room. A very beautiful lady suddenly appeared on the screen. I was tempted to tell my parents that I wanted to be like her but I caught myself. It seemed like a perfectly normal desire to me but somehow I knew that my parents wouldn’t have understood.
Love and kisses,
Barbara
I always knew to some extent. I knew I was different from my sisters when we were toddlers and there was different behavior expected but I wanted to play with dolls and dress up and have my hair long. I tried to get my parents to understand this but it was met with a lot of resistance and anger. Took me years to get where I want to be but I am happy to be a woman now!