I’ve observed that many crossdressers and transgender women recognize their gender identity at a young age. For some, it’s an early realization, while for others, it unfolds later in life.
I’m curious about your experience…
When did you first realize you were female or had a feminine side? Was this something you felt as a child, or did it develop over time?
I’d love to hear your story! Feel free share your thoughts in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
When I was about 4 or 5 My mother got a lot of clothing from my
ant’s the clothing was from my female cousin’s that were the same
size when they were my age
pretty much I had inklings that I wasn’t a boy at like 4 or 5. One of my earliest memories is putting on a pair of my sisters panties and wearing it under my boy clothes going to an Octoberfest event with my family, and I remember that during that event I was thinking how A. I was terrified of being found out that I was wearing panties and B. how I wished I was a girl. Things like this continued until I was 11 when I watched a TLC special on women whom have undergone their SRS surgeries to become who they are and I instantly I wanted to do that one day but dismissed it assuming it would cost millions of dollars. As I grew older and puberty was setting in I pretty much figured I would never be a woman and kept repressing it and a few times attempted suicide. Inside of me was a constant war, my outside pressures assuming and wanting me to be a boy but inside needing to be a girl with myself trying to repress that need. I never told anyone I feel that I am woman until my first boyfriend, he rejected me for that. I had been researching transitioning from male to female for years and never felt it’s something I could do, I felt guilty feeling like I was letting down my family and taking away to son they know and love and replacing him with this strange girl. It go so much that I finally really accepted myself as a woman, this was earlier this year, 2011, at age 20 and I finally started to see a Gender therapist in June and I’m slowly working toward my goal of being who I need to be but I have one final huge thing in my way, I don’t know how to tell my dad and I’m afraid that if I do it could end badly. So now I’m stuck do I continue living a lie or do I risk everything in a chance to be who I need to be.
Well my story is that when i was a child i found out i connected better with the girls than other boys. Always being slight and never good to what the other boys did, though i really tried.
First memory of like to be a girl was in a school play where i played a girl and actually liked it.
Later in life it have been on and off and it was always some kind of “play” with girlfriends where they “forced” me to wear womens clothes. Well one day it comes to me that i got more and more frustrated because i was not “forced” often enough to wear the clothes i really liked most. That day i decided to take responsibility my self and dress like i wanted to be. First at home and with the feeling near die if any see me. Same time i let my hair grow and replace all my male clothes with female- first neutral and slightly more and more female. Then i told all at my work how it was with me.Well i am boss there so i know i had an advantage :-)But it reallu makes me peacefull be and showing who i am. Ofcourse there is a lot of problems in it people looks at you talks at you and so one. But i made my mind up – i refuse to be a man when i not feels i am and then i take it all step by step – seing a doctor about hormone treatment soon- have changing my name to a one is gender neutral in my country as first name and a girls name at middle— stupid law we have here. smiles. well hope this was of any use for you.
I remember being five years old and being *certain* that I was a girl. Strangely or not, that certainty sort of faded to the background of my consciousness – until a few months after my fourteenth birthday, when puberty kicked in.
For me I was 6 when I realize the world thought of me as a boy, I really thought I was a girl before then,. I was raised by my mom, and she didn’t care what I wore around the house nor did I for that fact, she married my father when I was 6, and that’s when he started to teach me how to be a boy, despite weather I wanted to or not,. All my life I’ve felt like a girl playing a boy, never relized tell then I was born male,. And that’s pretty much how it all began 🙂
I knew I was feminine at 17 yrs. of age. I spent the nite with a friend and loved it. He seemed it strange as I tried going down on him. He didn’t say much,,but did call and have me spend the nite again as he penetrated me that nite. I felt wonderful!! Yes, I hugged him and kissed him dearly.
I also was very affraid of fights. Guys would go to swinging at each other and I had to get away. I began wearing panties 25 years ago and now include a bra. My little girl tits are cute,,but wish they were larger. I love dressing slutty for men and make out in public areas. I kinda wish I were owned by one guy that let his friends use me. Guess I love being a femguy and being used. I have some really cute outfits that I wear and don’t mind sharing pics of myself in them.
I would love to see some pic’s of you in your cute outfits! could you message me a link?
Let me put it this way I never had a father I was raised by my Mom who did the best she could.
I was 12 years old and to put it in G rated terms My older male cousin decided I should be his girl friend in dressing and the physical side of the active couple.
It came so natural and just felt right.
Carla
Hi Carla !!!!
I have seen you on some other sites and if my memory is correct ( and its very good dear ) you live in PA.
I live in New Jersey.
“Changed my femme name from Robin to Randee!!!
Huggs,etc. , Randee !!!
I know where you are coming from with the emotions you felt with your older relative
My first physical relationship was with my older cousin while I wore his sisters or my sisters clothes I assumed the role as female in the relationship secretly all way thru-out school
I was so confused about my sexual gender and sexuality during those teen years
Looking back I sometimes wish I had now what I had then innocent fun learning who I was
The same type of situation happened to me when I was 14. Although I had been wearing my older sisters clothing and dressing up at home since I could remember. I always wore her panties and couldn’t understand why mom made me take them off and wouldn’t buy me pretty flower print pastel undies like my sisters? She finally gave up and bought me 10 pairs of my own undies when I was 12 b/c bought my own bikini panties that she thought to racy for a 12 year old. A couple of years later, an this old family friend (like a relative) seduced me. He asked to see what color panties I was wearing (he knew the stories about me growing up) and I nervously showed him… I became his secret girlfriend from that night on for sometime. He even bought me lingerie and complete outfits (heels included) to model for him. I use to race home from school, let myself in his home and get dressed up into the feminine me. I’d be ready and waiting for him with a cold drink an a BJ every day! I was like some kind of “Teenage June Cleaver/Stepford Wife hybrid”…I even wore heels and an apron when I was being all I thought a good wife back then should be…? Talk about living outwardly as a boy at school (I still wore my panties under my jeans) and counting the minutes down until I was back home, made-up, dressed up, and eager to please! I’m ahead of myself here… I forgot Puberty! I wasn’t sure what was what when the hormones/testosterone kicked in! And to top it all off, I even grew a small set of (A cup) breast! Regardless of my new little teen boobies, All of the sudden the female anatomy excited me in a new way too! I liked girls?!? But girls like boys…right? Maybe mom and pop were right? I’d grow out of this…phase and be a man!?! My long time girlfriend that I played dress up with since kindergarten, liked boys… So, we experimented and discovered sex together…It was great…but something was off??? It was cool that she never cared that her bf was wearing panties cuter than the ones she was wearing! lol…as we got older, Jr. High & High school, she actually thought it was our own cool secret! I’m told, I was an attractive boy or girl, in that thin body, feminine way but, now thinking back, I was always interested to see what sex would be like with a man? Once it happened, I was hooked on men! I just felt right to be the woman in the relationship! My gf? She wasn’t happy that I spent so much time with him but she wanted all the details of my relationship with him and our life/sex-life as our pillow talk. That’s right, we still had sex in our friendship… We still love each other to this day. We’re still best of friends! I know this is a long story but, I wanted to share what happened to me so maybe it could help another sister/CD/Transgender/ MTF out there…. loving life, Joy
When did YOU first know that you were a girl?
This was probably my earliest earliest memory- tied in with who I am. I was born intersexed… and I intrinsically understood that I was a girl from the very beginning of my cognitive memory. However, unfortunately, my Hispanic father had other plans for me. Since I was first born and had a male part, I was male according to him. All of my childhood was horrible. Can you imagine knowing that you were a girl, and have your girlhood being stolen from you? Can you even perceive of having your first period and 6 months later taken in, forcibly, to the hospital and being given a histerectomy and sewn up against your will? Can you even imagine being forced to be a girly boy with a boy haircut forced to live a lie and being beaten by the boys constantly for every year of your life? As a result, emotionally one had to either accept the brainwashing or become insane or commit suicide. I tried suicide a number of times, and even tried to have my father kill me during one of his many beatings, to no avail. I accepted the brainwashing!!! But today I am a well adjusted adult woman who loves her life and no longer hears her father’s voices in her head once I transitioned. I AM SO VERY HAPPY.
My Dear Stephanie,
I am so sorry to read the terrible things that you went through as a child! Seem unimaginable to me but I believe you.. You look so beautiful now and I hope and pray that the scars are healed and that you are at peace now..
Love,
Marcy
America has come a long way since the publication of the famous book: Transsexual Phenomena : by the late Dr. Harry Benjamin in 1966. The same Harry Benjamin who set up the original tests and rules to determine if someone was a good candidate for gender-change.
One thing for sure, men who try and live as female find out that it is vastly different on many levels in this society to live as a female than a male.
Oh my… that must have been awful, though my story is different i have tried to have a violent stephfather forced me to have my hair cut and even sent me back to the hairdresser once he think it was not short enough … well glad you are happy today 🙂