I’ve observed that many crossdressers and transgender women recognize their gender identity at a young age. For some, it’s an early realization, while for others, it unfolds later in life.
I’m curious about your experience…
When did you first realize you were female or had a feminine side? Was this something you felt as a child, or did it develop over time?
I’d love to hear your story! Feel free share your thoughts in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
hi Lucille,
My best recolection is around 8 years old. I would always watch my mom get dressed in all those silky things about 1960 or so and i told her she was so lucky. She then would let me touch her silky smooth legs after she put stockings on and that was that. I would sneak in and try on all her stuff without her knowing, ya right, one day she had me help her, probably 10 years old, then she said here hun try this on so i could see what it was like then i knew i was supposed to be a girl hence wy girls name given to me by my mom……..so been her ever since…..love and kisses to all ….kim
I always knew I wasn’t an ordinary boy.
I remember I wanted to cut my penis off with scissors when I was something like 5-6 yrs old. (hopefully I didn’t do it! It could have been quite painful!)
But I really started crossdressing when I 9-10.
I keep believing my parents never knew it, but I know parents feel it!
Now I’m 24 and my father starts knowing it. He talked to me about clothes he found in my room :$…
Still Olga here, I write from Italy so I am sorry for my bad english! What I would say is that now I live as a woman and in the past I ‘ve spent five wonderful years with a man in a full wife role. This time I add a pic of me.
Thank you very much to you all and especially to Lucille Sorella and her wonderful site! Do you know what Sorella means in italian language? 😉
Inside me I always felt to be different from boys and always felt an inner push to be feminine. I was very young, I was about three years old, and I was feeling a strong need to wear my mom nylons and her high heels. I was asking her if I could wear ’em and she let me doin it. Growing up, that feeling and that need become stronger. In my teens I start wearing woman clothes at my aunt house almost every afternoon while she was away at work. She was a beautiful woman with a wonderful wardrobe. I start having a make up too and was very natural for me to act and move as a woman. I can doing it only for some hours and when times come to undress was very sad for me. I remmber dreaming to be born a girl and I felt comfortable only in female dress. My need was to live 24 hours as a girl and not as a boy. Around 20 I start going out as a woman, but fighting all but my fears wasn’ t easy. But the need to be in public in female clothes was stronger than my fears.
Olga
Hi Lucille,My awareness of my strong feminine side was when I was first married. I would try wearing nail polish on my toes. less likely to be noticed. Then years latter when I was living in England I tried wearing female shoes. I latter went to a proper boutique and had my first proper transformation in London. This was really the step I needed to start my cross dressing.So now I dress often and enjoy going out socially both on my own and with my partner. Love Adrienne
I pretty much knew around 4 1/2 years old. I acted like a girl, wanted to do girls things, and my parents verbally beat it out of me by shaming me and telling me to lower my tone and don’t walk or act femmy. I was forbidden to play with girls toys and at 5 I wanted a Baby Alive doll more than anything in the world for christmas. They got me a GI JOE to try to “end that nonsense”.
I hid who i was from myself to avoid problems.
At 10 I attempted suicide because I felt wrong. No one knew it happened and I reached out to no one for fear of being treated badly.
At 16 it came out again, and I began cross-dressing in feminine underwear. My mother found my stash of clothes and panicked that I was a closet gay. I denied any such thing and said they were there because I had found them and had not tossed them out yet.
At 18 I entered air force bootcamp at my stepfathers insistence to “Man up”, I lasted 8 weeks then asked for a discharge. I hated myself the whole time i was there but did not know why.
At 19 I tried to seek counseling as I was again suicidal,this time because a good male friend and I had started playing around and he left me for a girlfriend. I was heart broken. He wasn’t my boyfriend but it hurt. My family offered to get me help with my “depression” then bailed on doing so when they heard the price.
So i wandered from straight relationship to straight relationship each time messing things up by becoming like a girlfriend to my partners as I grew more comfortable with the. straight girls don’t want a girlfriend, they want boyfriends.
Finally in my last straight relationship, ever time she was not home I was en femme. for 2 1/2 years i lived as a female looking like a badly done cross dresser for 6 -7 hours a day while she was at work. I still had not been able to face who i was.
At 41 while living with friends a telemarketer called me. He kept calling me sir. About the 5th time he said sir I suddenly screamed into the phone “I’m not a Sir I’m a woman dammit!!” I looked at the full length mirror in my room,dropped the phone and went fetal on the floor crying my eyes out. I cried for almost 3 hours.
I was venting 41 years of frustration and lies to myself.
Then next day i came out to my roomie who has been my best friend for 16 years, and told her I was going to transition. She supported my doing so though she still doesn’t understand it.
While my blood family,have disowned me, I have never been happier and more secure with myself. I proudly am lesbian, polyamourous and have 2 wonderful women in my life one trans(my future partner) and one cisgendered who love me for who I am. Every day i can look into the mirror and smile. I never used to smile much.
I always knew I was different and didn’t fit. However, I only realised who I really was when I was in my early 40’s and a girlfriend painted my finger and toenails. From that moment something broke loose inside and within weeks I was living as the woman I am.
I can’t say when I realized I was different. I debate between 2 and 4 years so for today I will say 3 years old. It was one of the first tings I became aware of as a little boy. I use to play house every day and I remember wrapping a red boy scout bandanna around my waist turning it into a skirt. Instead of playing boys games I played house. I played dolls with my next door neighbor. She didn’t seem to care that I was a boy. I was about 10 when I started trying out clothes. My first trip out I wore a beautiful green skirt. It was raining and I put it on under my rain coat to go to the store; you can’t begin to imagine how it felt. I got caught wearing a bra only once in front of the entire family which was the cause of a lecture from my mother about how I was a little boy not a girl and after that not another word on the subject. In high school I began to plan. My first thought was that I would go to college in another state and then began to live as a woman full time. I started to school as a freshman in Seattle and wore my first dress one summer day. It was green and I wore white sandals. I got away with it because I was so skinny that I looked the part. I didn’t care weather I looked or not. After a while, for some reason I thought I should at least try to be the man I was suppose to be. The war was gouging on and I was going to be drafted right after graduation. I met a girl and got married but couldn’t keep my secret away from her and decided she could live with it and stay with me or find her own way. She chose to stay and helped me by helping me to get started on estrogen. I was taking estrogen all through my military stay and just toward the end during my last physical my breast was noticed by the doctor examining me. He said it was unusual and they could have them removed; I promptly declined. You should know that I was again openly dressing as a woman by then also. I wore make up which was okay but the mascara didn’t always come off completely. I didn’t notice but a few women I know wanted to know if I wore mascara. Today after taking estrogen for so long starting at such a early age I have both male and female features but more female. You would notice my rounded hips more if it were not for the fat pads on the side of my waist, my male half, and I can’t seem to get them to go away. When I cinch them, even a little, my looks transition into a feminine body especially since my breast have become more pronounced. I look in the mirror and even though there are noticeable male characteristics I see the fine details now of my mother. I can’t begin to explain the emotional moments I go through or the warm sensations that go through my body that give me that intense feeling of being a woman. I believe I think more like a woman, act in many ways as a woman; I walk most times as a woman even to the sway of my hips. I try not to but all to often find myself trying to get more of a stride in my movements. I find now, as I get older, my mind and thoughts seem to demand I be more and more as I am meant to be. Except for work I dress always as a woman. I exercise my breast to increase their size and don’t care who notices that they stand out for all to see. The only thing keeping me now from total transition is money. The cost of surgery and the slight changes for my face so that i don’t have to try so hard. Being a woman is a beautiful thing to me. In my youth I turned a few heads and attracted more than a few men. I would have like for my children to have called me mom but we take and accept what we have. Maybe some day I will be able to transition but more and more each day people see me more and more as a woman.
you are an absolutely stunning woman!