I’ve observed that many crossdressers and transgender women recognize their gender identity at a young age. For some, it’s an early realization, while for others, it unfolds later in life.
I’m curious about your experience…
When did you first realize you were female or had a feminine side? Was this something you felt as a child, or did it develop over time?
I’d love to hear your story! Feel free share your thoughts in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
I myself always felt more confortable playing around with girls than boys. But I remember when I was about 13 I was at the High School Football Stadium there was a pair of pantyhose in the corner of the stands. I for some reason was drawn to it like a moth to a candle flame. When everyone left I was the last one there and I then picked up the pantyhose. I put the pantyhose in my pants pocket and I waited until the Football game was over. After the game was over and it was now very dark I went into a bush and I put on the pantyhose. The feeling I got was shocking to me and I enjoyed the experience. Later I shaved my legs to wear the pantyhose to even feel better.
I have until more recently have always undenied that I was a TG. I tried everything I could think of avoid being what I am trully am. The Denial just cause me to go crazy. Because I was not being truthful to myself.
Ladies, thank you SO MUCH for sharing your stories. Some of them were heartbreaking, but the vein of courage that runs through all of them is so inspiring.
I love you girls!
The first thing I remember was when I was 10, reading an children encyclopedia article containing pictures of Inka women sitting in front of the Sun Gate. I felt like I can feel like them, that somehow they represent me. Rest of my life so far (40 more years) is struggle between attempts to integrate these elements in me, and desire to suppress them. I feel like I am in between, getting with time more masculine outside, and feminine inside. Have elaborate fantasies of being transformed into a girl/woman and coupling with various men. So far I haven’t act upon these urges, and will probably never do. I really wish there are reincarnations and that I will come back as a girl next time.
i was around 3 or 4 when i realized i was a girl it was such a strong feeling for years i kept telling myyself it would go away but it never did it just grew stronger and more compelling now i am post op and i have never been happier.
thanks for all the support i hope everyone can eventually feel as happy as i now am
love abigail
Abbie, you are a happy person that had courage to act according to her nature.
My early experiences have all been covered above, involving lingerie drawers from the age of about 4. I often wondered if I were a “Man”, and how I could claim that. Recently I did a Cogiati test and the answer came back as “androgyne”, mixed man and woman, with the emphasis shifting, man some days, woman on others. This goes much further to explain it to me than anything I have read elsewhere so far. Wanted to share as a relevant but different part of the story:
Message Body
The
COMBINED GENDER IDENTITY AND TRANSSEXUALITY INVENTORY
(COGIATI)
Your COGIATI result value is: -70 Which means that you fall within the following category:
COGIATI classification THREE, ANDROGYNE
What this means is that the Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory has classified your internal gender identity to be essentially androgynous, both male and female at the same time, or possibly neither. In some cultures in history, you would be considered to be a third sex, independent of the polarities of masculine or feminine. Your gender issues are intrinsic to your construction, and you will most likely find your happiness playing with expressing both genders as you feel like it.
SUGGESTIONS FOR ACTION:
Your situation is a little tricky in our current society, but not tremendously so, depending on your geographic location.
The suggestions for your circumstance are not overly complicated.
1.
If you have any comfortability about your gender expression, some slight degree of counseling might well prove helpful. The primary goal would be to make it possible for you to enjoy your gender expressions free from any shame or embarrassment, and to resolve any remaining questions you might have.
2.
As an androgynous being, both genders, and both sexes are natural to your expression. Permanent polarization in either direction might bring significant unhappiness. It is not recommended that you go through a complete transsexual transformation. You might find a partial transformation of value, if you find yourself more attracted overall to the feminine. You are more likely a transgenderist, than a transsexual. It is recommended that you recognize that your gender issues are real, but that extreme action regarding them should be viewed with great caution.
3.
If you have not already, consider joining any of the thousands of groups devoted to gender play of various varieties. There is literally a world of friends to discover who share your interests. There are also publications, vacations, and activities that would expand your gender play.
Lucille,
I put the above bit in because it explains some things that have confused me all my life. Yes, I remember the special feel of my Mum’s slips at a very young age. At primary school, I remeber the teacher (Miss Elaine) asking me why I always seemed to be playing with the girls. I then discovered the amazing feeling of a nylon stocking on my man thingy, which led to my first ever orgasm, when I was 13. That led to investigating Mum’s underwear drawer and playing with the contents, feelings of guilt etc carrying on over the years.
I remember feeling when teachers or other “elders” said “you are a man” that I was not quite sure that I could claim that. Not sure why. I would have been 16 or 17. Later I had similar feelings that perhaps i had feminine traits, such as needing to talk, preferably to a female. I was athletic and played sports, but always at the back was this thing about women’s nylon underwear. It would not have been any good to make men’s underwear out of nylon – it had to be women’s, and if it had been worn, then the connection to women was even greater.
Later, when a girlfriend dumped me, I found satisfaction in wearing the experimental wearing of a bra and slips. I was then in my 30s. It was only in my 40s that I started to wear silky things under my clothes.
Now I think I can accept that I have mixed gender feelings – sometimes I am completely male with no inclination towards girly things. At others I ache to get my bra and slips on, shave my chest, try to get my wig so that it looks good (very difficult on my own), and occasionally go shopping, wearing a woman’s shirt collar blouse and trousers, so it is not too obvious. A couple of years ago I enhance my breasts using the fenugreek poultice I told you about and now they are a useful and fun 38B! I even have to be careful that I do not wear too tight a sweater, as it shows me off rather!
I managed a couple of dressing sessions with a female friend, but we are both busy and the opportunities are rare.
So does that tell you anything, Lucille? Yes I have femnine feelings, and act out some of my fantasies. I now accept that I seem to be a part time girl, and I am happy with that.
I now have a wardrobe with a dress, 2 skirts, several blouses, and a drawer full of undies and nighties.
I gues I am about 49% female and 51% male! Does that make sense?
Thanks for getting me to write this down – quite therapeutic and helps to clear my thoughts.
(PS – sorry for no pic, am on another laptop at present)
I was about 6 and played doctors and nurses at school.I was always the nursewith some of the other girls, and when it came to dress-ups I got to be one of the girls. The teacher if she saw me would tell me to take the clothes off but most of the time I got to play as a girl.I didnt do any dress-ups at home When I was 7 we moved to a new area and a bigger house and I was able to explore the feeling I had as this place was so much more private.I got to see my mother getting dressed to go out and wanted to be so much like her.Every time my mother went out I got to explore my feminine side,and spent many happy hours trying on things and even sitting in front of the mirror putting on makeup.I was an only child and really wished I had a sister,I know my mother did want to have a girl but after I was born she was not able to have more children.I never told her how I felt I think she knew but she never said anythng or asked.
I grew up doing boy things but still enjoyed the girl in me and sometimes wore pantyhose and panties under my jeans.At 13 on my birthday I was in town looking round the shops when a man came up and talked to me,I was looking for a bolo and he walked with me round all the shops as I tried to find one.We had got to the end of town with no luck and we walked on to a wooded area where he asked me to get undressed which I did.At this stage I didnt know that this was wrong or what he was going to do with me.The way he touched me made me feel so wonderful even after he had sex with me,I had feelings I just didnt understand.I told an aunty how I was feeling and wanted to know why I felt the way I did but she didnt say anything to help me.Well I spent a lot of years finding out who I was,now at 65 its time to bring out the woman inside and after coming across Lucille’s website while trying to find how to have a bust.I brought the Flat2Fem and I am now on my journey to the woman who I want to be.It does not matter if we dont get to the end of the journey or we may never pass as a woman,its the start that we have made and the sharing the feelings with other who understand.There are lots of women in this world that know how we feel and will help us to become who we are meant to be
love
Robyn xxx
I left my message last week as to when my journey started, when I was around 3 or 4 years old…I wanted to add that I have watched this vidio now several times…this child does not know how lucky he/she is to have such wonderful understanding parents. It wasn’t that easy when I was a child, I am now mid 60’s..I wish that I could turn back time with everything that I know now..my life would have been alot easier
Hugs
Joann
I am very happy to post my feelings about how I do become a girl.
I am in my 50s and married to a wonderful woman who just gave me three wonderful kids. They are successful and very well educated. Now That I have some time for myself, I decided to express to the world the feelings I have since I was a little kid.
I think I was about 9 to 10 years old when we had some visitors out of town and we have to share beds, just to make room for the visitors, and I slept with my older brother. I did have my first sexual relation, that time with him, and since then I still have the great feeling when he entered me. He was extremely careful, and with a lot of compassion when he took my virginity. He knew what he was doing, and to tell the truth, he did not forced me, I wanted it… For some reason I remember, had the feeling to be a girl and he for the first time make me a girl. I still remember that day with a lot of happiness and I will never think about any type of rape. After that night we kept doing it very often and I did have great sensation about being treated like a girl. He was very kind and gentleman as I do remember today. At That moment I knew I was a girl. After our first encounter I did want to keep doing it and sometimes I had to beg him to do it. Now that I am old enough I do not have any regrets against him, and I see him like my guardian angel, and in my thoughts I thank him for having doing that at that early age. Now and then I start trying in the restroom my sisters’ clothes, their underwear, and I did and do enjoy doing that today. As I become older I start looking at the boys at school, and image myself being doing it with any of them, even if I did never have any sexual encounter with any of them. Now I am free to tell the world I want to feel like a female and give myself all at once to repeat the same feeling I had when I was very young. I pray to God every day to find the right person to let me have the female feelings inside, and I am working on that aside my professional status. I dress as a woman alone at home, I do wear girl’s stuff under my regular clothes two or three times a week, I am working on my breast, and I do feel my age is not a barrier to be the girl I dream about to be. I do really enjoy being a girl today and for the rest of my life.
Cheers, with joy and hope
Mayte