Have you ever felt misunderstood?
Sadly, there’s a lot of ignorance out there! That’s why in this blog post, I want to debunk common myths about crossdressers and transgender women.
Let’s start with one of the biggest misconceptions that’s unfortunately still hanging around:
Myth: Transgender women, crossdressers, and drag queens are all the same.
While all these are valid ways of expressing one’s gender, they represent distinct groups, and it’s important not to use these terms interchangeably.
To clarify, here’s how the GLAAD Media Reference Guide defines some common transgender terms:
- Transgender women – People who were assigned male at birth but who identify as women. Many transgender women are prescribed hormones or undergo surgery, but transgender identity is not dependent upon medical procedures.
- Crossdressers – Men, typically heterosexual men, who occasionally wear clothes, makeup, and accessories associated with women. This activity is a form of gender expression and is not done for entertainment purposes. Crossdressers do not wish to permanently change their sex or live full-time as women.
- Drag queens – Men, typically gay men, who dress like women for the purpose of entertainment.
- Gender non-conforming – A term used to describe some people whose gender expression is different from conventional expectations of masculinity and femininity. The term is not a synonym for transgender or transsexual and should only be used if someone self-identifies as gender non-conforming.
- Non-binary and/or genderqueer – Terms used by some people who experience their gender identity and/or gender expression as falling outside the categories of male and female. The term is not a synonym for transgender and should only be used if someone self-identifies as non-binary and/or genderqueer.
Now that the record has been set straight, let’s look at some of the most common myths about crossdressers and transgender women.
7 Myths About Transgender Women
- Being transgender is a choice.
- Transgender people are gay.
- Transgender women aren’t “real” women.
- Your sex is defined by your chromosomes and/or hormones.
- You have to have surgery to be a “real” transgender person.
- You aren’t transgender until you start hormone therapy.
- Kids and teens are too young to know if they’re really transgender.
7 Myths About Crossdressers
- Crossdressers are gay.
- Crossdressers are perverts.
- Crossdressing is a psychological problem.
- Crossdressing can be cured.
- Crossdressers want to change their sex.
- Crossdressing is a destructive addiction.
- Crossdressers can’t be good husbands or fathers.
Have you heard any of these myths before? They’re frustrating and hurtful, aren’t they? It’s time for the world to wake up and realize this truth:
Your gender is who you are on the inside. There are countless ways to express your gender, and all are completely valid!
To help spread this truth, check out these excellent resources from GLAAD below. They’re a great way to increase awareness about transgender issues.
Recommended Resources from GLAAD
Now let’s hear from you…
What’s the truth that YOU’D like to set straight? Let’s continue the conversation in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
My meme (Here) is where I am now, and in the weeks around the time I created this, several of my co-workers spontaneously took me aside to tell me that they saw me as “radiant,” a “fragrant presence,” “authentic as a woman and as a lovely human being,” and a “beautiful soul.”
AND while I know that some people do not accept me, I recognize that is it not me that they cannot accept, it is “themselves accepting me” that is unacceptable.
I have known all my life that I was different.Well everybody’s different .I’m now in the process of transitioning.I just really wanted to say to everyone in Lucille’s comments section here that I love reading and learning from you all especially about how strong all of you are and how each one of you over came so much to live your lifestyles.I also know that I have a long journey ahead of me in transitioning but believe me just knowing there are more people like me in the world makes me feel alot better about myself.Please keep the comments coming because you never know how much you could help someone out about the many issues our lifestyles have.l love each and everyone of you.
Congratulations on starting your transitional journey Kimsey!!
You might enjoy this things I have put togrther from my own transition. Here is one from the article:
* Transition is: a “line-in-the-sand” – I will not be this person any longer.
* Transition is: a “passage we travel through” – I will become the person I know myself to be.
* Transition is: “the rest of my life” – I live, mature and die as my authentic self.
https://gracefullytrans.wordpress.com/2017/01/08/some-gender-transition-wisdom/
Love, Blessings & Joy!!
Bretta
I love how a good friend of mine puts this:
“As far as I’m concerned, if you want to be a girl enough to change your life or body, you qualify as *real.*”
I love your friends quote is beautiful, wish more of society would feel that way! I can remember as far back as maybe 6 or 7 years old wishing I had been born a girl. I have always had long hair, kept my body completely hair free, LOVE my legs being silky smooth, getting manicyres and pedicures, and now I have real natural breasts, wear a D-cup bra. All my clothes and shoes are womens, so yes, I consider myself a real woman! However, sexually still only attracted to women, so that makes me a lesbian, which I’m happy being one. Someday I hope to find a woman who will accept and love me for who I am.
WHEEEEEEEE!!! I am *overjoyed* for you!! ❤
May you find a lovely and wonderful life companion!
I remain married: my spouse and I are approaching our 30th anniversary. Ours us a “queer” marriage as she does not think of herself as lesbian; I am asexual/demisexual; we both see each other as blended in our sex and gender characteristics and that is how she manages. It is safe to say she and I are both Queer Women married to each other. ❤
As I arrive at 67 I have been actively dressing for too many years. As many others, it started with a foray in my mothers lingerie drawer and finding soft delicate items and to my utter amazement breast forms. To say that I became enamoured would be an understatement. Fast forward to my first marriage and yes I told my wife but she not a fan but tolerated. Guilt, purges and general dissatisfaction with myself became de rigeur as I tried to find a way to include Tanya in everyday life.
For many reasons, including the inability to find a way to include my alternate gender, we parted ways in a difficult divorce.
During that time I was the guy who had a big bike, did all the guy things, was working in a successful sales position but decided it was time to get out and decided to drive tractor trailer for a number of years.
Those were the years before the internet when any info was found in adult book stores. Always on the lookout for them during my many miles on the highway, it was a rich reward to find anything in print that related to crossdressers. Once obtained , many hours of reading and in some cases with heart beating out of my chest I would write to another at a far fetched post office box number with the hope of making a friend who shared similar interests. But the crossdressers were very few and far between.
The constant struggle was, am I the only one that has this untamed urge to dress and be feminine? There were so many magazines for leather, gay, bdsm and others but crossdressing was the great tabou.
Then there was the ongoing need to always trying to sneak into stores and find the treasures of lacey undergarments, a pretty blouse, stockings and anything that better embraced my inner self.
Not sure that time on the trucks solved anything but it gave me a lot of time for introspection and certainly more time to pile on more guilt in the never ending quest to find out how to include Tanya.
It is important to note that this was the late sixties early seventies where there still was a lot of misunderstanding and denial about things relating to anything Trans or whatever we are….
I was deep in the closet, just trying to fit in to mainstream..even though it was the battle royale inside of me to let Tanya out. What a terrifying time. Me, just a quiet sensitive person with a passion that didn’t in any fit mainstream. No one to talk to that had shared similar penchants and no-one in my circle of friends that I could share this with. It was a penal sentence imposed by society on this struggling, bright and articulate guy who was trying to find a way to find a little satisfaction and I’m ok time, as I struggled to make it through life.
As the internet started to evolved I spent countless hours in front of a computer…waiting waiting for 10 minutes or more for just a single page of information to download. My persistence lead me to find that there were others who were of similar mind and there was a handful of services available.
Later as I started to allow myself to try be me, I found some transformation sites and paid to have someone do their magic. Yes it was totally undercover and I still look back and wonder where I found the balls to even do it. The stigma attached, the worries that anyone would find out, or worse that if they did I would be targeted, bullied, physically hurt and god forbid that my parents would ever find out!
It was a huge heart wrenching time
The first time was less than stellar. All I saw was a guy wearing ill fitting clothes who was made-up with a poor example of a wig on my head. Disappointment did not fully describe my feelings. It took me a long time and persistence to find that there must be someone who could get me to the level of femininity that aligned with my inner thoughts…
The transformation moment came in about 2002 and from that point forward there was no looking back. I found a makeup artist who walked me through the steps I went from the ugly duckling to the belle of the ball in a few heart wrenching wonderful hours. I looked in the mirror when finished and I was gobsmacked by the incredible jaw dropping beauty looking back. There was no mistaking it, That was Tanya the girl I knew that wa inside of this body. The AHH HA moment… It was that mind altering experience that gave me credibility and opened the door to my inner self that I knew was hidden away.
I found her and she wasn’t ever going to leave my side!
Thereafter I got remarried to an amazing girl. In the first week I told her about Tanya and to my utter surprise she embraced it…At first with trepidation, but always with encouragement and acceptance. The only caveat…It stays in the home. Well, that was a small compromise to enjoy dressing with my partner. Obviously I didn’t want to overwhelm so about once a month I would bring Tanya to the forefront. It was also that we would have friends over often so it was important to keep Tanya under wraps and very much behind closed doors.
Here I am many years after that with a loving and kind wife of 38 years who gives me everything. I led a pretty good professional life making very good money and enjoying a prosperous career. I have just started retirement and was looking with anticipation to time when I could start to dress with more frequency at home, travel to more to events that encourage dressing such as Dragcon in LA (which I did with her) and just reward myself for making it to a time where I can be at ease with my Tanya.
Oddly it is proving a difficult battle with my inner self again… How do I share this beautiful side of me with my children and grandchildren, my friends and neighbours? I couldn’t do it back then and I still am in an never-ending struggle to fit in and be accepted to society’s norms. So here I am still in 1970’s riddled with guilt and still seeking acceptance in society. I’ll go to my grave with that, not knowing how to fix this burden.
I had along talk with my wife yesterday and I was in tears.. Why, because now that I am retired and have the time to dress I still live with the stigma that I am less of a good human being because I have needs to dress to fulfil my life. So I still push back those feelings and hide Tanya. It is the opposite of what I had dreamed about over many many years.
Am I of two spirits, as the native americans say or am I a transgender, a fetishisist or what am I? I really don’t know…
I do know that even though I have a lovely boudoir with more than 50 pairs of shoes and boots, more than 25 wigs and everything soft and sexy that a woman could want, but that I look with envy at the young folks today and admire the talent, beauty and the ability ot openly travel through life in a better community of people who share this situation. Thanks RuPaul et al for making it easier…..
Crossing gender barriers is a much easier issue and widely acceptable today. Want to wear something out of the ordinary, hit up Amazon, AliExpress or a dozen other sites. Need a wig, a dress, hip pads, breast forms false nails, eyelashes and anything else to feminize, it’s all just a click away with your credit card.
So here I sit with tears streaming down my face trying to be the person my parents wanted me to be, my family and friends think I am and the real person that my wife and a few select friends on the internet know me to be..
I don’t want to wear a tag…I just wish for the freedom to move through this life and be true to me as Tanya, without judgement, or a label.
Regards and best to all,
Tanya Simone
You are a beautiful woman. At 73 in October, it’s harder to maintain my GIRLISH FIGURE and compete with you young Foxes!
ENJOY Being You…
Pics for your evaluation…
Hi Lucille
I describe myself as a transgendered woman. I do identify as feminine, and I am proud of my expanding collection of lingerie (including breastforms), blouses and skirts and dresses. I have had strong feelings about my belief that I identify with the stronger sex, since 5 yrs of age, when I remember that I felt I should be wearing a pinafore dress to school rather than shorts.
Thank you – from my heart – for raising this topic in your blog.
Regards Richard
Lucille, I am glad you bring this up. Myths, oh yes how many times have I been asked where do I perform?
But the problems do not just come from those outside our community, but so many time I see problems within our community. The “I’m more trans than you because (fill in the blank) or crossdressers are just men pretending to be women. Of course within the LGBTQ community seems so much that the transgender take a back seat to the L&G.
The word transgender was originally meant ot define those of us who lived and dressed full time as members of the sex opposite of what we were born with no intention for surgery. Today it seems that so many people think that transgender and transsexual are one and the same.
OK, I am 72 and I do admit that things today are better than they were 50 years ago.
I think I was four when I started to like girly things, later moved to borrowing my mom’s bras and panties and wearing them to bed, stuff started to accumulate and had to find places in the house to hide them, by then I was fully dressing every time I could even though I had 4 siblings. Did the same all through high school and shaved all my body for a dance which I attended totally in femme, even danced very close with a friend who really did not recognized me. My hair was long and in many ocassions was referred as miss, a teacher had a knack for calling me the same, miss ‘Renee’(well he used my male name). The only time the urge to dress went away was when I had some roommates in college, later got married and soon the desire to express my feminity came back to the point where my wife found out, but did not participated, although many nights After fully dressing when to bed wearing girl’s undergarments, soon I wanted to go out and to a club, which I did. I had some fantasies about being with a man. Things at home became stressful not only because my dressing, but in general, we had two children and finally got divorced. After that had several girlfriends and the cross dressing went away,remarried and for several years my feminine did not come up, until a year and a half when I started to try women’s garments again, but this time stronger than ever, I have a large collection clothes and the fantasies about men are daily to the point of starting to make myself more and more feminine, pierced ears and painted toe nails, wearing panties, hose and, girl tees, and dared to wear unlined bras all under men’s clothes. The conditions at home have also deteriorated since my wife found some clothes, shoes and makeup and she thinks I am having an affair. Many times I have though about moving out and at least live as a woman when not at work, read a lot about ways to feminize oneself and also start trying to develop breasts. Am I a Crossdresser? I was, but realize that I really would like to become a 24/7 woman including sex. Thank you for your site and the opportunity.
Renee, nice summary. A bit older than you at 77 but with exception of divorce (still a closeted crossdresser)have experienced almost everything you have. I started at an early age probably first remember feeling different when my mom had me model a dress she was making for a friends daughter. I really fought putting the dress on so she could set the hem etc. Then my dad got involved. I put the dress on and stood on the chair, experienced feelings like I never had before. I think that was the point where I started borrowing mom’s thing. Many many years later still dressing and still experiencing the same great feelings. Have never had desire to be trans but have often wondered if I was meant to be a female.
Interesting read, and many or the thoughts could be mine. It took a DR to get me out of the feeling guilty feeling, and help me realize feelings that one has are normal. Many things can affect your desires from the very begging of childhood thorough life.
The having to be secrete about dressing and what you feel is something you live with. In early years, 60 years ago, trying to find out in library’s only made things worse as 9 out of 10 writings were negative.
Several writings said if you have a wife who agrees with your cross dressing it can be wonderful. Did learn that you should be honest before you marry, even if you are not active at the time, as there is no guarantee it will be accepted later. And you need to understand not all will agree.
I do not try to pass as female but have enjoyed the female feelings of clothing shoes etc for many years.
Thank you and all for sharing your experiences.