Have you ever felt misunderstood?
Sadly, there’s a lot of ignorance out there! That’s why in this blog post, I want to debunk common myths about crossdressers and transgender women.
Let’s start with one of the biggest misconceptions that’s unfortunately still hanging around:
Myth: Transgender women, crossdressers, and drag queens are all the same.
While all these are valid ways of expressing one’s gender, they represent distinct groups, and it’s important not to use these terms interchangeably.
To clarify, here’s how the GLAAD Media Reference Guide defines some common transgender terms:
- Transgender women – People who were assigned male at birth but who identify as women. Many transgender women are prescribed hormones or undergo surgery, but transgender identity is not dependent upon medical procedures.
- Crossdressers – Men, typically heterosexual men, who occasionally wear clothes, makeup, and accessories associated with women. This activity is a form of gender expression and is not done for entertainment purposes. Crossdressers do not wish to permanently change their sex or live full-time as women.
- Drag queens – Men, typically gay men, who dress like women for the purpose of entertainment.
- Gender non-conforming – A term used to describe some people whose gender expression is different from conventional expectations of masculinity and femininity. The term is not a synonym for transgender or transsexual and should only be used if someone self-identifies as gender non-conforming.
- Non-binary and/or genderqueer – Terms used by some people who experience their gender identity and/or gender expression as falling outside the categories of male and female. The term is not a synonym for transgender and should only be used if someone self-identifies as non-binary and/or genderqueer.
Now that the record has been set straight, let’s look at some of the most common myths about crossdressers and transgender women.
7 Myths About Transgender Women
- Being transgender is a choice.
- Transgender people are gay.
- Transgender women aren’t “real” women.
- Your sex is defined by your chromosomes and/or hormones.
- You have to have surgery to be a “real” transgender person.
- You aren’t transgender until you start hormone therapy.
- Kids and teens are too young to know if they’re really transgender.
7 Myths About Crossdressers
- Crossdressers are gay.
- Crossdressers are perverts.
- Crossdressing is a psychological problem.
- Crossdressing can be cured.
- Crossdressers want to change their sex.
- Crossdressing is a destructive addiction.
- Crossdressers can’t be good husbands or fathers.
Have you heard any of these myths before? They’re frustrating and hurtful, aren’t they? It’s time for the world to wake up and realize this truth:
Your gender is who you are on the inside. There are countless ways to express your gender, and all are completely valid!
To help spread this truth, check out these excellent resources from GLAAD below. They’re a great way to increase awareness about transgender issues.
Recommended Resources from GLAAD
Now let’s hear from you…
What’s the truth that YOU’D like to set straight? Let’s continue the conversation in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
I agree that all these are myths, though, I suppose, can only really comment on the TG ones, rather than CD.
Love, Grace
All topics that have any kind of sexual content or that can be sexualized lend themselves to this kind of interepretations (or misinterpretations rather). In the end it doesn’t matter much what you can do to change people’s beliefs, they will always believe what they want to believe (even if they don’t tell you). What does matter is gaining the respect of others for our own beliefs. So everyone can think as he/she likes about a subject but respecting the way of thinking of others.
The problem I have with the suggested explanation of crossdressing, is so many CD’s post video and pic’s in suggestive clothing. Indeed, many post shots in lingerie and in sexually suggestive poses. Many of these claim they are doing it only as a form of self expression and are not interested in men or males, yet such content seems geared toward making themselves appear desirable. Desirable to whom though, if they really aren’t interested in anyway in males?
The restroom issue has always been a problem but when l started h.r.t. Two years ago I informed a local bar owner and asked permission to use the ladies, she said fine. I later found out she met with her staff and casually informed them that I was a woman and was to be left alone. For that I was grateful as so many incidents have gone the other way.
Yes Morgan, There is MUCH being taught in churches that is based on interpretation and assumption. One thing I have been saying all along through this journey of transitioning is that I COULD be wrong about my interpretation and beliefs. I find it very interesting that those who are so against it refuse to admit that there is even the remotest possibility that they COULD be wrong! Kind of seems to me like they are making themselves out to be God at that point. We are all flawed human beings and none of us is never wrong. All I know for sure is that after 58 years of fighting it, I simply had no more fight left in me and had no choice but transition or die. I could no longer not NOT be Danielle, and anyone who thinks that I simply CHOSE to be a woman has NO COMPREHENSION of this issue and frankly, probably doesn’t want to.
I’m an adult male who has been wearing women’s lingerie for several years. And I don’t know why. I’ve often wondered about the reasons, but all I know is that ever since I tried on my first pair of panties, I just felt as if I were “home.” They simply fit my inner self. After wearing panties for a while, I later began wearing bras, stockings, babydolls, and chemises. They all serve to enhance the feelings of femininity that I love to embrace. Of course, there was a certain amount of sexual gratification when I first began wearing. But as time went on, not only did the questions of why I wore fade away, but also the sexual connotations as well. I just have a need to be feminine — something that no one knows about me.
I’ve also tried make-up and other articles of women’s attire. I’ve got to admit that I have enjoyed these as well, and if not for the particulars of both my personal and professional life, I can very well imagine being comfortable as a full-time crossdresser. It’s one of those, “If I could live my life over,” contradictions.
I can’t say for certain how I would describe my sexuality. Although I’ve lived my life as a straight, married and divorced male with children, I’ve also had sex with a gay man I met online. I found this very much to my liking as well, so who knows. I guess I’m open to all possibilities, and have no regrets for anything I’ve done to make my life interesting. I find no problems with thinking of myself as a crossdresser, or even by the older “transvestite” term.
I spend a lot of time shopping online for women’s lingerie — for the things that make me feel pretty, feminine and sexy — everything a man’s not supposed to feel. Most days I wish that I could just put on a short skirt over my panties and thigh-highs, pull a lace cami over my bra and go out into the world as I wish.
Oh Lord Karl, do I ever know how you feel. I’ve been a closeted crossdresser since pre-puberty when I first tried on mom’s girdle. The feeling it gave me was just indescribable. I am now a 79 year old crossdresser and still enjoy almost as much as I first did. Love to dress all the way including wigs and makeup.
Have thought many times I might be happy as a woman but seem to be more happy as a male. However, when dressed I have fantasized so many times about a ‘lesbian’ relationship with another crossdresser. Have never been in a position to act on the fantasy.
Shopping, both in stores and online is extremely pleasurable. I find that to be very female and most males hate shopping as do I when in total guy mode. I’ve tried many times to understand how the shopping feeling comes over me, but can’t. It’s almost like a light switch.
Anyway enjoyed your post.
WHYYYYYY are only MEN labeled “crossdressers”?? Women are just as much crossdressing everytime they put on a pair of pants (instead of a dress or blouse & skirt) -let alone wear suit coats, ties, baseball hats, T-shirts, or a dozen other things that traditionally “belong to” men! How did this label ever become stuck on just men?
This is exactly my thought. Qomen are crossdressers too. Why should it just be the men that are used as a Point of references. I’m female so thi comment isn’t cos of gender.
Excellent point.
Good point. Also nobody complaining about transgendered males using public restrooms or playing sports. Sexual predators can be any gender.
One of the that stigmas that alway irritates me is hearing that transgenders have an agenda of trying to indoctrinate children or that doctors are trying to push people to get on hormones and have S.R.S. That’s not my experience at all. Also some people think that because you are transgender that you are against God and that you’ll go straight to hell unless you get the proper hair style and wear the correct underwear. Baloney! Another myth is the bathroom debate. O.M.G. if a person is getting turned on by other people using the toilet, being transgender is not the issue! Hopefully our society may come to it’s senses someday.
I couldn’t agree more, Morgan! As a transgender woman who has fought it for 58 years and lived through hell as a result, I can’t imagine wishing this on ANYONE else! I only wish that I could have transitioned at a much younger age. It would have saved many people a ton of embarrassment and heartache, including myself.
One of my biggest struggles with accepting who I really am was the belief that it is sin (or against God). I have come to believe that God actually has a purpose for me in all this. I recently wrote a song titled ABRAHAM’S SONG. It talks about following the path that we believe God has for us even though it seems to be against what we have thought to be true; even at the cost of losing relationships. Three other ladies and I sang it at church, and there wasn’t a dry eye in the place!!
I know that there is concern about sexual predators pretending to be trans and using the bathroom to victimize others. That may be a legitimate concern. They can, however, use EITHER restroom for that purpose, so how does it become right to punish those of us who are truly transgender?! I personally use non- gendered or family restrooms whenever I can so as not to be a concern to others; that is, until I am fully passable. I mean, I can’t really use the men’s room dressed in women’s clothes can I?!! That’s not to mention the fact that even though I was born with a male body, now that I have accepted my true gender and started hrt I just plain don’t belong there!! It would be less painful and more merciful to just cut me in pieces that force me to go in there.
Why is it so hard for people to believe that there is a possibility that someone can be born with a body and spirit (or mind) that differ just like one can be born with any other birth defect? I most certainly did not ask to be this way, nor did I just choose to become a woman. Face it… being a guy is SOOO much easier and cheaper, and that is no myth!
J. Frank Pinell makes a VERY valid point as well about FtM transgender not facing SOME of the same issues. They do have their own set of struggles though, and anyone who is not very “Passable” is likely to face discrimination in the restroom.
As you said, Morgan, Hopefully society will soon learn and change. I believe that we can help that happen by showing them that we are not just a bunch of weirdos, but actually are decent, even classy women… regardless of what is between our legs… or used to be!
Danielle, when we first engaged in this conversation, I wanted to pursue it further. However I did not think that this website allowed us the space and time needed for speaking about scriptures and personal experiences. If you would like to correspond with me, I would love to hear your testimony. eggfut22@hotmail.com
Any other responses to this email will be ignored
Yes Joanne, it is VERY difficult having to live in the in between. I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting and embarrassing those I love, especially my children and grand children, but just couldn’t NOT be Danielle any longer. Fortunately for me, I was already divorced before I started my transition. Not wanting to hurt my loved ones was one of the main reasons I fought it for so long; the other I mentioned above. I truly would rather die than hurt them, but as I have posted in other places, I knew that suicide IS NOT THE ANSWER!!! Therefore, I really had no choice but to transition and accept that perhaps, even though it SEEMS to go against God’s plan, He MIGHT JUST have made me this way for a reason. I know that flies in the face of many Christians, but it is the closest I can come to understanding why I am who I am. He HAS been using the true me to touch other lives and draw people closer to Him and into a deeper understanding of His mercy, love and grace. All I can say for sure is that if we are TRULY willing to accept WHATEVER God has planned for our lives, He will bring it to pass and we can and will be filled to overflowing with love, joy peace and compassion for others.
I was brought up a strict catholic & all my praying to God as a kid, begging him to make me a girl went unanswered. So now I live my life wanting to be a woman, pissing off my wife because she hates when I dress up as Joanne but I got to do it. I feel more normal when I am dressed as a woman & I never want to go back to being a male. I told my wife when we first started dating that I wanted to take female hormones & that I like being with men when I am dressed. I recently came home with acrylic nails applied to my fingers, my ears double pierced & my eyebrows waxed into ultra thin, highly arched lines & my navel pierced, my wife hit the roof, she said everyone is going to know that you want to be a woman now, I told her I didn’t care any longer, I do want to be a woman & I don’t care who knows.
Danielle….I agree 100%. I too struggled with my gender and the common teachings of certain churches. Some pastor’s teachings and ingrained beliefs of some church goers are contrary to scripture. I’m being vague because theology discussion can be long. I’m glad for you. I know much discernment was involved.
I am a maternity crossdresser,wife doesn’t mind me going out with her as her girlfriend.We do maternity shopping with other moms to be.We go to the mall and maternity classes ❤