“Passing as a woman” is the Holy Grail for many crossdressers and transgender women.
But is it really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of not “passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it… it’s not always easy!
It could take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and presenting yourself as a woman. You might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
That means that unless you plan to live as a woman full time, trying to become 100% passable just isn’t practical.
Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look feminine and harmonious enough not to stand out in a negative way – even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a cisgender (genetic) woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU!
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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I’m always working to be the most that I can . To give up now would be losing 54 years of my life . And to worry about what I look like and if my dress is right . That would make me like any other women . They all do just that . It is in your hart . Even if I don’t pass that would be OK , I have meet real women that can’t pass . And all I know is ” I am WOMAN hear me scream ” XX Good Luck all of you .
Well girls , I’m just going to make a short comment on my earlier message……..First off : I think that ALL the girls here are just gorgeous !!!!!! That’s not just something for me to say because I think that I have to…….Folks , I MEAN IT !!!!!! I also don’t want to put ANYONE down or take ANYTHING away from ANYONE !!!!!! BUT !!!! I’m not exactly a young thing anymore ( I’m 57 yo ), live in a very small TEXAS town ( pop. around 27000 )……I have had absoltley NO surgery , and have only been full-time for about 5 years , now , these photos were made just a few months ago…..However , I am a firm believer in the fact that you were BORN NOT MADE !!!!! SO TRY TO MAKE AS MUCH OUT OF IT AS YA CAN !!! Y’all take care……..Lindsey
Lindsey,
You are gorgeous and I can see why you live your life as a lady. I just wish that I could be as beautiful as you are so that I could live my life a a woman at least part of the time. I too live in a small Texas town and am in public life so I have to stay in the closet even if I could pass.
No, do not give up. If nothing else blending in will suffice.
I realize i can never again look like i did in 1976, but i know i can learn to blend as my age (67) will allow.
regards
hiliary
Passing in and of itself is not really the question. I feel it comes down on how you FEEL about yourself. When I am about I feel as a woman and act as a one. Most people don’t really care about you. If you present yourself as female they will accept you as one! It has been a long time for me to realize this, but as the Greeks said “be true to yourself”. My work requires certain things as I am sure your does also. I do not live for others. I know this off the “chart”, however Rachel you are very pretty and I wish you ALL the luck in the world! If you would like keep in touch.
This is such a loaded question. For me I will have to settle for a blend. Yes I am a woman and I agree with many of you. Rachael you do look good! Back to the subject. I will never be in the position to “pass” nor do I have the time or ability to dediciate to that endeavor. However I am thrilled when I am considered one of the girls when I am with women. It just fits. I would like to perfect more effective speech, demeanor, walk etc. It is what it is.
Tess
I am just finishing a week in NYC dressed full time. You are right on. As long as I blend in, I pass. If I dress in an unusual way I get unusual looks. With close inspection I can be read, but I have been treated as an ordinary girl as long as I dress and act like one. Blending in is a place on the path from full time male to full time female, it satisfies much like unqualified passing.
Dear Lucille, I agree with your article. It is important to realise that trying so hard can lead to destructive neuroses. I love blending as it is natural. I agree, we need to remember our hearts and feelings and be true to ourselves. We are intelligent enough to choose what we love fashion-wise, but also to take advice from experts, and S.O’s who can be a mirror in supporting our self-confidence. I must write a book entitled, “The Zen of Femininity.” Sadly, there are ‘vivacious’ women whose eyes are windows to cruel hearts and there are “plan Janes” who just ooze all the positives of femininity and ‘class.’ I don’t want to be deceived by glossy-mag stereotypes and I know that many genetic women are alert to plastic images too. Girls, both genetic or TG have great diversity. Globally, there are a miriad of glorious, female cultures and ethnicities. Femininity to me is about an optimistic, warm and positive outlook. Cultivating our attitudes and enhancing our personalities is most important and needs to be continuously recognised as well. I am so happy to be able to belong to this community. Thank you and love to you all!!!!
As for myself, when it comes to day to day things when I am not at work I have no issues with passing or not since I feel comfortable being myself. But as for work on the other hand that is a different story for me. I am currently a crossdresser and I havent dressed as myself at work due to my type of work I work as a paramedic. Therefore ive been waiting to get accepted for hormone treatment, since I want to look more passable once I start being myself at work. If that makes any sense….
As a paramedic I now how cruel our coworkers can be. I don’t think I will ever out to them.
Best of luck
Amanda