“Passing as a woman” is the Holy Grail for many crossdressers and transgender women.
But is it really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of not “passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it… it’s not always easy!
It could take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and presenting yourself as a woman. You might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
That means that unless you plan to live as a woman full time, trying to become 100% passable just isn’t practical.
Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look feminine and harmonious enough not to stand out in a negative way – even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a cisgender (genetic) woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU!
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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I’ve never had any problem passing as a woman, I didn’t know I was a boy untill I started school and Mom said I couldn’t wear those clothes anymore I was very close to my Mother even as a young child I would dress as a girl and Mom would cretiqe my moves and manurism being critical and perfecting my every move.
however puberty, then children, family life and a stong sence of responsibility to provide for them “SHOVED” Lindsay way back in the closet and for years I would argue with Lindsay wanting out and me not letting her.
I decided last December 2011 come hell or high water Lindsay was going to come out to everyone, but then I realized I was VERY rusty as a female eventhough I still had a lot of female manurisms as a male, so I started going shopping, dinner, movie’s, visiting friend’s with Lindsay under my male clothe’s ie; bras, panties, nylons and began cretiquing my self like how I held my body, walk, eating, just brushing the hair out of my eye’s became a thought prosses.
On January 1st I felt comfortable enough with being Lindsay that I let my lady friends know and asked for more guidence and to my surprise all of them are very acceptant to the idea and good or bad I insisted they be totaly honest with thier comments and began walking in heels flats are boring, putting on makeup, sitting, walking, even conversation, and they tore me up in a good way.
I am so comfortable being Lindsay I don’t even think twice about going ANYWHEAR, but I still practice my makeup, fingernails, manurisms, now if I could just do something with this beard, jaw line, adams apple and don’t get me started on my nose that’s the biggest giveaway I have now, oh yeh and my voice, but one thing at a time after all ANYTHING worth having is worth working hard enough to get it.
I thank you very much Lindsay
I cant pass as a woman I have no job no friends .I got srs at age 25 I am now 48 my life is hell Im a failure as a woman
Claudia, stop & think, then start again.
Maybe you did SRS too young, but you are young enough to start again, you may have to do it different, but you can do it!.
Claudia,
I am 60 I too am jobless, no friends and I am living in a male homeless shelter,
I am only one of 3 other women that are living here. You had your surgery
I am still waiting for mine. I know I am a woman because that is how I see myself . Being a woman is more feeling and knowing who you are, if you think and feel that you are a failure well I am sorry but that is how it will come across to others. On the other hand you feel like a woman and know this is who you truly are well then you are a woman. Once I stopped feeling sorry for myself for not starting my journey earlier in my life and let my true feelings come through I knew then I was a woman and I sure you can too. You have lived your life as a woman I would give just about anything to have had surgery as early as you did and be able to live my live as my true self. No ones is a failure at being themself unless they want to this is in your control no one else can make you feel as a woman that must come from within hon. Do not ever give up on being who you truly are. Your body says female now like your mind say it too.
I know we all dream of how and what we look like. We have seen actresses and modles and women in our lives that we want to look like. But in reality it is the same for most women on the planet. I really don’t like my looks, but even when I look in the mirror I see something different then what is really there. I would say that is even the same when I am on boy mode. I saw a woman at a hockey match last year. She had to be over six feet in her bare feet dressed on jeans blouse and 4″ heels. I loved the look and wish it was me. She had so much confidence you could just see it But anyway take a look at the women around you. Not the one you want to look like but those you do. They all have things they dont like and most are on your list. I spent six months out of work in a much better economy. Keep a smile inside even when you have to cry
Hugs
Brenda
I doubt that you can’t pass or blend. Read my
other comment in this section. Find one thing
that makes you happy, get out of the house,
and sprinkle a bit of that sunshine in everybody’s
life whom you should meet. Even being the
fry-girl at the local fast food choke and puke
is a job and better than nothing. By the way, I
met another girl at a local taco franchise. She
was 6’4″ and totally accepted. You are not a
failure!
Take a good look at the other women you come
across. You will notice an entire spectrum of
faces, hairstyles, makeup, clothing, body types,
demeanor, and deportment. Given this, it shouldn’t
be too hard to blend in. The trip up comes when
you act like you don’t belong. Have some
attitude and confidence that you are the girl
you are.
Reilley
Dallas
Thats exactly right. its about being fully oneself as a confident individual, passing is not about trying to be something we are not.try = Fail… good grace and manners comes before everything else. after that practice and be true to self. happy new year guys x
I have been dressing all my life, since I was around 7 or 8 (I grew up with 3 sisters!). I am very comfortable with being a girl and have easily learned to adopt female mannerisms — even passing on the telephone as a woman (I’ve always been good with voices and my friends tell me I should be a voice actor, LOL). However, I grew up in a redneck conservative town in texas and have never even considered going out en femme. I now teach college and my ‘fear’ is that if the administrators knew about Rachel, I would lose my job. Teaching is my life.
I have made many wonderful friends (sisters) through various internet means but oh how I would love dearly to find a group of girls I could be me with! I long to have an outlet; a girls social group that I can dress with, hang and chat, have dinner or events, and so on. I cannot go out on my own, I just don’t have the self-confidence, I need the support of someone.
BTW, ironically, I am a 135 lb. perfect size 6 with legs forever! It’s from the neck up that worries me. Yes I could pass, especially with professional make up, it’s what’s “in” my head that concerns me. I think if I can find the support and go out a few times then I might be able to get over my hesitation.
I don’t want to be a woman full-time, I enjoy being a man. I keep Rachel separate from her male counterpart, but she is, nonetheless, very much a part of me and I have grown to love her. I would just like to let her go out into the world from time to time.
Thank you all so much. You are all my beautiful friends!
Hugs,
Rachel
rachel go get into a good support group–at bowling alley,anythings –pertinant to hobbies,-church,travel groups,the list is boundless,but suffice it to say–easier said than done,any how god speed & good luck. Andalusung ! dee.
I think that I can pass and when I go out I wait that I pass but I know that I can be seen as a transgender but I like to “stand out” as
a woman and have desire to be noticed with a certain fear and would like to “blend in” at the same time.
Wow! This is a good question. It must be important to pass because of the bipolar nature of our society. I certainly don’t pass. I look very masculine and very feminine and I am not sure what to do about it. Certainly it is important to please oneself first and to dress well and to look well and if this is so onlookers will notice you for this. I get many compliments on my looks although I feel this is not enough. I actually am much more feminine than masculine but this is usually not seen which is a nuisance.
HOLA lUCILLE
Ante todo, gracias con todo mi corazón por existir, por abrir el espacio que ha abierto para nosotras y darnos estos consejos de mujer para ayudarnos. No hay otra persona con un espacio igual y aunque tienes tu empresa, el solo leerte, ya es una ayuda. GRACIAS.
Si es importante para nosotras saber si “pasamos o no pasamos”, es una cuestión que va mas allá de esta espacie de foro pues en medio de un mundo tan adverso para todo lo que no considera convencional, a estos espacios acudimos finalmente muchas personas que no estamos en lo “convencional” pero no todas somos iguales, Se ve que aquí acudimos transexuales, travestis, transformistas, personas con el síndrome de Harry Benjamín etc. y para cada una de ellas es distinta la percepción que maneja en cuanto a si es importante o no “el pasar” o que tan importante es. De todas maneras el solo estar aquí, opinar y escuchar ya es importante para nosotras
excelente comentario… Gracias por estar entre nosotras