“Passing as a woman” is the Holy Grail for many crossdressers and transgender women.
But is it really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of not “passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it… it’s not always easy!
It could take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and presenting yourself as a woman. You might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
That means that unless you plan to live as a woman full time, trying to become 100% passable just isn’t practical.
Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look feminine and harmonious enough not to stand out in a negative way – even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a cisgender (genetic) woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU!
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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I finally started being out in public at age 64 I knew that the possibility that I would be “read” was real and so the only way I could live my lifelong dream of expressing as a woman would be to contain my fears and go boldly into the masses with a smile on my face and a pleasant attitude. Its amazing how people accept you if you’re smiling. As my breasts began to grow to eventual B-cups my confidence also grew. Then my wardrobe began to reflect my style and attitude (not flashy, not dumpy, but classy and subtle, not blatantly overdone, but comfortable and feminine). The more I appeared in public the more I realized that if I just navigated everyday places and more people came to see me, they began to see me as a woman. I wear makeup – not overly glam, just enough to transform my facial features a bit and always with muted lipstick. One can’t help smiling with lipstick on. I then began to realize that people were willing to accept me in their establishments because, even if I wasn’t the perfect female, I was being happy in my own skin and that was fine with them.
I feel sad for those people in society who always feel as though they are masters of being able to spot a trans person and then they can go home feeling they will always be safe from anything a trans person could possibly do to their fragile psyche.
I now also realize that I look better than a lot of women simply because I always do my best to look feminine. A lot of women go out in public looking horrible as if they have given up trying to look nice each and every day. Now I NEVER worry about how I look and I don’t even give a 2nd thought of the multitudes of people I encounter every day. Just keep smiling!
Ms Dana
I forgot to post a pic….Ms Dana
I have getting better and better at passing as the years go on. I have figured out that I am my worst critic. Recently there were a couple of different instances where people who knew me as my male self, I met in dressed enfemme, and they not only didn’t recognize me, but did not realize that I was not female born. Many thanks to you Lucille for the many tips and tricks I have learned here and programs I have enjoyed.
I am Barbie. My feminine beauty is now stunning. Few people face-to-face can detect that I’m trans unless I tell them, which I usually don’t. I normally wear for work and for shopping short mini-skirts or hot pants with strappy blouses which show off my ample boobies, great legs, and sexy butt. I have walked the runway as a national beauty pageant contestant on national television and in national newspapers. I have more than 8,000 friends and followers online. So, ummm, nope never will I give up lololol. Oh…and I’m older than 50 years old. Jennifer, female model and trans female model, legally female on my United States Passport.
It is sad society can not accept us for who we are. I try very hard to look natural. Dress for my 61 years young and have been blessed with natural 38b breasts and good figure. Thankyou Lucille
Not replying to other comments this time, but rather to the original question. I haven’t tried to pass and doubt I will ever try. Wish I had much younger, but not now. I want to grow my boobs a little, but also have a beard most of the time.
So basically just a guy wearing female clothes, wishing I was born a female. I wear some going out, but more when I’m home.
I am 63 and I was born “intersex” / Hermaphrodite (whichever you choose). The wrong choice was made quite clearly as my brain operates 86% female. I lived as a woman from 1994-2001 and never happier even though I still carried the “male” features. I have recently gave in and said to H___with society. I am going to be me! Lucille, Valerie and Femme Secrets have been a great help to me. I love them to pieces! Starting out this time, I was a bit rusty but have come a long way or at least I think so. I have finally reached the point to where no one second guesses or gives me the ole’ double take. I’m not in it to be extravagantly gorgeous. Just being me. Theresa (Tess). Yes, it hurt me deeply when people saw through me, if you will, but I am in Heaven these days when people see me as me without question. It has been and will forever be top priority NOT to be a beauty Queen but simply be recognized as the woman I am. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about being pretty. Every girl I know wants that! Good luck and God bless all of you no matter what your status may be!
Theresa Anne Dantzler
I agree, I am a woman now, it has taken quite a while and like you never been so happy.
Dear Theresa,
Hoping you are living here in Los Angeles to know you personally to asking several questions And be Proud to be your friend!!!
Cordial regards Wishing all the best!!!
Lilly
Oh, darling, you are just beautiful. I bet you know it too, what with the high cheek bones and steady, ready eyes.
I would wish you luck but I know you possess it already!
why is it that they tend to go boy on intersex babies, if you look MiF out numbers FtM at least 90 to 1.
annie
it’s more of a observation then a stat. intersex was a topic i was interested in for a while, seems since most doctors are male and most females submissive, that most ended up becoming boys. you visit trans sites all you see is MtF i only saw 1 FtM compared to thousands the other way. So my guess would be intersex people most likely wanted to be girls if given a chioce.
That is a great question Annie! I truly wish I knew the answer. I have always speculated that my father (who I later found out was not my blood father) for some reason had the final say. As harsh or mean as it may sound, I made a special point of letting him know that I was living my life as a female and at that time it was all legal from Drivers License to Social Security number. He is now diseased though. Would have been great if I could have jumped up and told the delivering doctor……HEY!! I am a girl!….I did not know that stat you gave but it certainly leaves one to wonder. God bless you my friend…(girlfriend I am assuming) Either case XXXXXX
I’m seventy-four years old. I’ve been dressing as female since i was twelve, but only when I could get away with it. I’m not really beautiful, but I’m really good at it and I’ve never been challenged or been threatened ever. It’s like people at least give me the benefit of the doubt, even in the ladies room. Now it’s very helpful that I don’t have an adams apple or a really deep voice. I also keep myself in as best of physical condition as possible even though I’m a cancer survivor and have a hart condition. Did I mention that I’m six feet tall? No, I don’t do heels in public. The only people who’ve ever read me is other trans people, and that’s a very rare event. I also only go out in the daylight hours, and I look pretty much tastefully midwest conservative.
Even after 55 years as a male. I love it when my girlfriends call me a bitch when I get my good outfits on and go out on my scooter or wheelchair!