Do you feel guilty about crossdressing or being transgender? Sadly, many of “my girls” tell me that they do.
If you feel you have to lie or sneak around to keep your feminine side hidden, I can understand the conflict.
But let’s get one thing straight – there’s nothing wrong with crossdressing or being transgender. Period.
We live in a world with very defined gender roles. Unfortunately, these roles are even more rigid for males.
It’s OK for women to express their masculinity by dressing like tomboys or by acting strong and assertive. But if a guy looks or acts feminine, he’s labeled as weird, weak, or gay.
The underlying message is that it’s OK to be masculine (even if you’re a woman), but femininity is something to be ashamed of.
What the heck!?
Society is slowing changing, but the time to reject these outdated messages is NOW.
I think Iggy Pop said it best:
“I’m not ashamed to dress like a woman because I don’t think it’s shameful to be a woman.”
There’s no shame in changing your gender to match who you are on the inside either!
I’d love to hear YOUR thoughts on this topic…
Do you struggle with guilt or is it a non-issue for you? If you’ve overcome feelings of guilt, how did you do so?
Please take my poll and leave me your comments below!
Love,
Lucille
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I’ve been dressing on and off. since 92 I dress as much as possible . I now have a complete wardrobe with everything a girl has and needs. My present girl friend loves that I dress .she’s 5 ” taller then me. doesn’t like dresses or skirts. she dresses more like a man.and she loves it when I get all dolled up for her. we’ve been so happy together.
I’m currently 14 (almost 15) and im not quite sure that guilt is quite the right word… it’s a bit more of anxiety. There’s always the “people will call you a freak” “they wont understand” “you cant escape genetics” “what will your crush think” (etc) in my head. I generally try to push it out with a simple but strong quote: “There will be haters, there will be doubters; and then there will be you. Proving them all wrong.”
I have been crossdressing since I was 15 and felt incredibly guilty in those early years, probably because I wore my aunts clothes and I knew it was wrong to do so – invasion of privacy, betrayal of trust and all that stuff. It was quite a relief when she found out and after many lengthy chats, plenty of tears and some soul searching she decided to support me in my dressing. Since then she has been an amazing support and allowed me to accept the woman within. Although I’m aware I never will be a woman it does not cause me too many issues as I am able to accept and express myself as Diane. The initial guilt I gad is gone and all my clothing is my own – I love to dress as Diane and feel my aunt is an amazing woman to have brought me this far.
eance about 4th or 5th grade. Maybe even before that. I have always been jealous of the beautiful dresses, skirts, blouses, shoes, stockings, and of course bra’s, panties and everything else feminine. I love makeup, shaving my body and just allowing my female side to be. I am very happily married to an amazing woman whom I am madly in love with. She knows about my panties I wear full-time and my women’s shorts and tank tops and tee shirts but I have been told by her that she never wants to see me in a bra. So I keep most of my crossdressing hid from my wife. I feel like myself when I am able to dress by guilty that I have to hide. I am 50 years old now and have felt guilty about my crossdressing always, but I feel like myself when I am dressed. So I stay in the closet as a heterosexual very much in love with his wife crossdresser.
Hi Dianne,
Recently out 50yo trans woman here. I really feel for you and your situation. Its nice your wife accepts your desire to cross dress, I do find it frustrating you still have to live with a set of rules as in; no bra. But if you are willing to accept this then more power to you.
I couldn’t. I cannot. I will not. No more for me. I also had rules and still have some very hard lines that I have been warned about crossing. Unfortunately I see this as only a matter of time before I will willingly step over each one of those lines in my newly found wish for freedom.
You see, for too long I stayed within those boundaries. I fretted, I apologized, I constantly felt guilty and full of shame. I did bad things because I could not face myself. I did bad things because I could not face my friends. I did bad things because I could not face my family. It was destructive and a pathway to hurting myself and those I care for.
I literally had to stand up to myself and stop denying reality. It was heart wrenching and soul searching and I am still working through some very real issues. But it was the right step for me. Ever since I came out to my wife, my doctor, my therapist, my friends (well 4) I have felt the shame and guilt lift off my shoulders. It gave me the courage to pursue further what being trans is to me.
To me guilt was exactly what I felt. Now though I feel more energized by change and what is to come.
Good luck Dianne.
Maybe “guilt” isn’t quite the right word.
I love and respect women so much and want to take on their delightful characteristics and be so fierce and beautiful. Now that I’m allowing myself some freedom to express my femme side, I actually like what I see in the mirror, maybe for the first time in my life.
But then sometimes I just feel like a poseur. Especially at this stage of my life, with my age and body: can I ever really claim to have accomplished the “illusion”, much less ever claim actually to be a woman?
I’ve suffered with something like “impostor syndrome” much of my life though actually; so maybe this is just yet another angle on that.
I feel wonderful when dressed as a women. It feels like what’s on the inside if me everyone can see on the outside. I struggle with the thoughts that no matter waht I can achieve as a transgender women I will never be a “real women”. Not sure what to do about it?????
Honey, FWIW, I think you LOOK fabulous.
stef
I did when I first started dressing as Joanne but when I met my first wife the guilt was gone. She encouraged me to go out in public, helped me with my hair & make up & even took me to have my ears pierced & my eyebrows waxed into thin, arched lines. I found it rather ironic that she divorced me when she found out I was taking female hormones & information on sex changes started showing up in our mail box from John Hopkins medical center addressed to Joanne. I tried to tell her that I didn’t want a sex change & the hormones was to give me a little breast but she could tell I was lying.
I have been crossdressing seance about 4th or 5th grade. Maybe even before that. I have always been jealous of the beautiful dresses, skirts, blouses, shoes, stockings, and of course bra’s, panties and everything else feminine. I love makeup, shaving my body and just allowing my female side to be. I am very happily married to an amazing woman whom I am madly in love with. She knows about my panties I wear full-time and my women’s shorts and tank tops and tee shirts but I have been told by her that she never wants to see me in a bra. So I keep most of my crossdressing hid from my wife. I feel like myself when I am able to dress by guilty that I have to hide. I am 50 years old now and have felt guilty about my crossdressing always, but I feel like myself when I am dressed. So I stay in the closet as a heterosexual very much in love with his wife crossdresser.
I always had a fascination with women’s clothes. Especially with pantyhose. I used to wear them around my apartment just to relax amd turn me on. However, I was always ashamed to talk about it. I always felt guilty about it.
It wasn’t until I was married that I “came out” to my wife. She was surprisingly supportive and accepting. She even doea my makeup from time to time. She likes to pick up things for me. We even had sex with another crossdresser for the first time. I really enjoyed myself at the time.
But afterwards. I felt guilty, ashamed. And I wanted to purge and stay male. My wife wouldn’t let me as it was a release from the pressures of an alpha male.
I still feel guilty or embarrassed. Like there is something wrong with me. I can’t come to grips with myself.