I’ve observed that many crossdressers and transgender women recognize their gender identity at a young age. For some, it’s an early realization, while for others, it unfolds later in life.
I’m curious about your experience…
When did you first realize you were female or had a feminine side? Was this something you felt as a child, or did it develop over time?
I’d love to hear your story! Feel free share your thoughts in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
Lucille,
I guess my story is much the same as most of the other girls. I do remember though a couple of incidents that first made me realize I was a girl. When I was about 7, my mother, who had 3 children, two girls and myself, was walking us to the park one day. It was several blocks away and it took quite a few minutes to make the trek with three young ones in tow. About half way there, I told mother that I had to pee and she told me to run back to the house to use the bathroom and then to catch up with her and my sisters. So I ran back quickly and took care of my business. As I turned to exit the bathroom, I saw a tube of lipstick on the sink that my mother had used that morning. I was drawn to that tube of lipstick like a moth to flame. I immediately picked it up and gradually slid the cap off and in a circular motion rolled up the lipstick. It was dark red and it made me tingle all over when I saw it fully exposed. I gently pressed it to my lips and then pressed harder as I began to outline my lips with this luscious formula. It transformed me into a pretty young girl and I knew then and there that I was really a girl.
Many year later in my teens, one day when everyone was out of the house, I went into my mother’s room. I was being nosey and looking through all her stuff. Soon I began trying on her dresses, all of which fit me remarkably well. I put on a pair of her shoes, combed out my already long hair, and put on some make-up; lipstick, eyshadow, mascara, and rouge. I stood admiring myself in the long mirror. I loved what I saw. I really was a girl. As I continued to saunter around in front of the mirror, I hadn’t become aware of the fact that my mother had come home. Before I realized it, she came upstairs and walked in on me, fully dressed as a girl. She took me by surprise and was even more surprised herself. At first she was angry and began to speak harshly to me. I had intruded on her personal domain. These were her clothes and belongings and not mine. Eventually she calmed down and began to talk to me softly. When she saw my face with all that make-up on it, she knew I was different. What began as a traumatic intense moment, turned into an incredible epiphany. She began to speak to me in a loving manner and and she asked me a number of questions, most of which I didn’t have answers for, because as a 15 year old, I had no real idea what was going on inside me other than the incredible feelings I got when I was dressed as a girl. My mother knew something that I didn’t know at the time. Her inner female sense told her something about me that helped her to understand what was going on and it actually made life a little easier for me. For years she was always trying to get me to dress up like a girl and wear make-up, particulay at Halloween, and once for Mardis Gras. She put nail polish on me on one occasion when her and my sisters were giving each other manicures. I loved it. Unfortunately this stayed in the confines of our home until I was in my early 20’s. That was when I became more aware, more daring, and obviouly more obsessed with fulfilling my womanly needs. Today I enjoy being the transgender woman that I am. I wouldn’t give it up for all the money in the world.
Hi Lucille,
I just read Karen’s story and was very touched by it because it is very similar to my own transformation except mine was done by my babysitter.
I was 6 when I was first being trained to be a girl. My parents were divorced and my mother and I moved to Reno, NV in the ’50s. She worked and had to leave me with a babysitter. The babysitter had a daughter my age but she was a tomboy and not the feminine little daughter the woman wanted. So I became that feminine little daughter. While the tomboy daughter was out catching frogs and grasshoppers, I was inside being made into and trained to being a girl. This was not against my will but I was talked into it. Being from divorced parents I did not receive a lot of attention and I was willing to accept any kind of good attention that I could get and that was what my babysitter was giving me. What gave her the idea was when she caught her daughter and I playing house. Of course a boy and girl playing house is not that uncommon but the way we were playing was a bit unusual. You see, I was the woman, wife and mommy in our play and the tomboy daughter was the man, husband and father. That was the only way the tomboy would play, it was her way or no way. She had some old high heels, women’s dresses, a wig and a tube of red lipstick. She had some dolls that we used as our kids and I was the mom and her the dad and we played house in her playhouse that was in her backyard. We were caught by my babysitter with me wearing the clothing, wig and lipstick. She was stunned at first but laughed at the lipstick smeared on my lips. Nothing was said that day and I was cleaned up before my mom got there. The next day when I was dropped off at the babysitter’s, I was told by the babysitter we needed to talk about the day before. She said there was no harm done and nothing would be said to my mom. The conversation worked into me becoming a girl and we could have a lot of fun with me as a girl but we could not say anything at all to anyone, not even my mom, because most people would just not understand what we were doing and make something bad about it.
I was in need of attention and I did receive it being a girl, so I did agree to my transformation. Everything happened so gradual that I just fell into it. From that point on I was made into a girl every day when I was taken to my babysitter. We had about 10 hours a day to do this before my mom came to pick me up. At first it was as a little girl that was 6. I was given the feminine name of ‘Joanie’ She had me in dresses, wearing little girls panties and shoes with ribbons and bows in my hair. She took me shopping that way and introduced me as her daughter. She never did anything sexual to me but she taught me to ‘go potty’ like a girl by sitting on the toilet instead of standing and peeing like a boy. There was one day that we were outside in the backyard which had a high wooden fence around it and I told her I had to go inside the house to tinkle. She had me pull my panties down around my knees and squat and pee on the ground. That became a regular practice when outside, to just pull down my panties and squat and pee on the ground like a girl. There was a day that we squatted beside each other to tinkle on the ground.
She then started making me into a miniature woman for her tomboy daughter and I to play house. She started making up my face with makeup and started teaching me how to do my own makeup. She had women’s style dresses that she made for me to wear instead of little girls dresses. She also altered down what I think now was an A cup bra for me and for boobs stuffed the cups with the old white or beige foam rubber falsies that women used back then. That was also during a time period when most women still wore garter belts and stockings so she altered me down my own garter belt and made me hose from little girls ballet tights. We were both very proud when I got to where I could reach behind me and hook and unhook my own bra. I also got to where I could reach behind my waist and hook and unhook my garter belt and also reach and hook the garter clips to my hose myself. She had bought a pair of hard plastic toy high heels for her daughter who would not wear them so I inherited them and had clip on earrings on me. There was one day that I was so proud of how I looked as a miniature woman that I wanted to remain that way to show my mom when she arrived. My babysitter told me no and that my mom might not understand and if she didn’t, that would end our special play. I did not want that to happen because I was having fun and receiving lots of attention being a girl, I was enjoying being a girl. I had my regular female wardrobe at her house. I had 2 bras, I think 2 garter belts and hose, 2 women’s dresses, several little girls dresses, earrings and my own makeup. Women wore full cut briefs back then so for panties I had a few pairs of her daughters which were like women’s full cut briefs. I turned 7 and we had a birthday party for me, just her, her tomboy daughter and I were present. It was a girls birthday party with a cake with pink and white frosting and my female name of ‘Joanie’ in pink lettering on it. I remember getting some female clothing and some dolls as presents. Of course all that had to stay at the babysitter’s house. I think my gestures and mannerisms were becoming somewhat feminine at that time. I wore one of her daughter’s swimsuits to play in the wading pool. She thought ahead and had a male undershirt that is like a tank top and a pair of boy’s swim trunks to show my mom when she noticed me with a girl’s one piece swimsuit tan line. This lasted for about a year, I think, but my mom did find another job and we moved and I was devastated and in tears when we did. My babysitter, Ruby, had become like a mom to me and I felt closer to her than I did my real mom.
My mom moved us into a house full of women and I was the only male. There were 2 other women that were also casino workers sharing this large house and one of the women had a teenage daughter. I got used to seeing women walk around in various stages of dress; bras, panties or panty girdles and garter belts and stockings, and undress and sometimes completely nude or their robe was open exposing their nudity. No one thought nothing of it because I was just a little boy. Mentally I became one of the females in the house. There is much more to my story and more things did happen to me around this time period but this was the start of my femininity which I later became a woman or living as and functioning as one anyway. My favorite song is, I Enjoy Being a Girl, from the Broadway play, Flower Drum Song. It is kind of like my theme song.
Julie
Lucille, when i was about 6 my dad’s secretary would come over for dinner and I always found myself under the table stroking her stockings and high heel legs; loving the feel, wanting to wear them. When i was much older – an adult – my craving for being feminine kept growing and growing. I found myself wanting to be held, kissed, and loved by men but in my feminine form. When able to be Amber Linn I transform completely and delight in being totally feminine for my boy friend.
Linn
Hi, I’m uh, Charlene, or Charlie,. I can remember back to when i was about 5 Or six my mom put a dress on me. I even remember it was red, been shaving my legs since i was 6 or 7, used to play bondage games w/myself form about 8 or 9, 14 to 15 used to wear moms clothes when no one was home. Mom uaed to give me her heels to stretch and break in for her,liked sex w/girls, and sometimes felt wrong, but have NEVER been attracted to BOYS, or MEN, JUST always wanted to be FEMALE.!! I love the femine shape ,styles,etc. ALWAYS IMAGINING WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO BE TURELY GENETIC FEMALE. I mean seeing a beautiful girl or woman, and imagiming HER sex between my own legs,!!! I cross dress @ home, and sometimes @ night when alone on the truck. but never full time. I dont think i’d get very far. But I think i look ok, Tried natural herbs and some synthetic mexican hormones for a while, but quit for lack of funds to keeps it up. Also Family responsiblities. Just cant disappear to go off and become CHARLENE for good! Besides, NO MATTER HOW ONE CHANGES, SURGICAL OR NOT, DNA STILL SAYS MAN.!!! So JUST WHAT DOES ONE DO? thank you. living and struggling as a truck driver. trying to keep sanity. CHARLIE.
I loved looking at catalogues for fem lingerie & clothes, started of wearing my sisters clothes when I was 6 about 2 years later was taken to family counselling for dressing in fem clothes,my parents wear told after about 8 sessions that I would probably grow out of it I never have. Mum bought me a few things of my own which I got to choose so I wouldn’t keep taking my sisters clothes & underwear.
My interest was sparked by sharing a room with my sister until I was 9 & she was 11, I would see all the different clothes she had to wear, way more than me & I wondered why all I had was trouser, t-shirts, shorts, sweatshirt, socks & pants to wear while sis had so many different tops, bodies, dresses, skirts, half slips, full slips, socks, tights, leotards, nighties, pjs & trousers so I decided to try them on & I liked the feeling & from there on I knew I was to wear fem clothes & underwear/lingerie, didn’t know then that I would still be doing it 30 years later but I now have more fem clothes than male clothes.
I wear fem clothes out with out make up on or a wig on but I have my hair in a feminine style but not to feminine & I shave real close, some people stare at me but must just go on with there daily lives some times its just trousers & a fem top other times its trousers & a dress sometime just tights/stockings & a dress & some times I do wear make up but I’m not to good at it yet.
I first realized I was a girl when i first tried on some of my aunt’s clothes at the age of 13. I loved the way they felt on my body, but not only that; I loved the way they made me feel inside. Ever since that day, I have grown more and more into a feminine personna.
Hi Lucille,
First of all, I think it is awesome what you are doing!!
I first knew I was a girl between 4 & 5. I liked my mom’s clothes and under wear better than my dad’s or mine when I watched her doing laundry, I often asked if my clothing would look like that when I grew up, and was reprimanded for it, after all I was a boy,
my dad would follow up by taking me to the toy store and make my pick only boy toys and sports gear. When I started school, I prefered to play with the girls rather than against them as all the boys did, consequently like all the other girls, my hair was pulled and more than that I was pushed and picked on as was as boys wanting to beat me up. At home I had only girl cousins and would frequenly play house, borrow their Barbie outfits so that I could dress my boy action figures up as girls (an extension of how I felt, and they even let me play dress up with them until one time my mom and aunt walked in on us playing in the basement, that was the last time I was allowed to play with them. I won’t go further as we all (TG, TS,TV) had similar experiences from Junior high on. Thanks for asking.
Kendra
The first I can remember…..at about age 4, I used to play with my nipples and I prayed that when I grew up, I’d have breasts.
Later on, I would sneak into my parents’ bedroom and put on some of my mother’s lingere. One time, I heard my mother come up to my bedroom and I had to quick get her clotes off and stuff them under my mattress and jump into bed. She sat on my bed and asked if there was anything I needed to tell her. I chickened out and told her, “No there wasn’t.” After I was married, I would try on my wife’s clothes.
I’m still living in the closet and once in a while try on some of her clothes. I feel she realizes my need to be a woman, but I’m too afraid to come out to her and talk about it for fear that she’d leave me.