Stepping out publicly as a woman is a powerful way to validate your female self.
In fact, I recently published a poll asking “How often do you go out in public as a woman?”
I was happy to see that the majority of my readers (transgender women and crossdressers) go out at least occasionally.
No matter how often you do it, I’m sure you can remember your first time presenting as a woman or crossdressing in public.
Since this is such an important gender-affirming step, I’d love to hear about it!
When was it? Where did you go? And what was your experience?
Please share with us in the comments below!
And if you’ve never been en femme in public, I’m sure you’ll find lots of inspiration in these stories.
As always, thank you for reading and participating!
Love,
Lucille
P.S. If you liked this article, you will love my FREE Unleash Your Inner Woman hypnosis mini session.
This happened many years ago, but it was my first time actually out and with people that knew me. My first time out was for a Halloween party given by the company I worked for. I was General Manager at the time and thought I could get away with it. Against my wife’s better judgment (I can be really stupid at times) I went as a secretary and in short, I had a blast. I apparently I was good enough to spoof the owner (we worked within 8 feet of each other and had for years) and also one of my Store Managers (a notorious skirt chaser), so much so that I had to introduce myself to the both of them. I was tempted to toy with my manager, but luckily cooler heads prevailed. That was the start and I’ve never looked back. I’ve learned a lot since then and think I am a better and more integrated person for it.
One of the odder or maybe funnier things happened that I’d like to relate here is that now that I told you about the opening event, now let me tell you more about what went on later. Two roommates gave this party so not everyone knew everyone else. Call it a 50/50 mix. For those that did know me there was the usual ribbing and complements. For those that didn’t and were told, there were the usual round of ribbing and questions. Later in the evening when your humble correspondent decided that she’d gone to the beer tap just one too many times, decided to just go into the kitchen and drink water for a while. There was another woman there that was friendly and talkative. We were having a nice general conversation. I didn’t reveal nor did she ask what my gender was. She just assumed I was what I appeared to be: A hard working secretary that couldn’t get home, get into costume and get to the party on time. Fifteen or twenty minutes later, her boyfriend came in and saw us talking and interjected himself in the conversation. As with most men, the conversation soon turned to sex. I admitted that I liked women very much and had been indeed married for 10 years at that point to the woman over there, the one in the hobo outfit. He glanced over and grinned and assumed that I was gay and that she was by lover. He started getting turned on. (You can tell if you will look at their eyes.) I attempted to correct him and don’t think I really was successful, just insistent.
One point that it did drive across is that people assume you are what you appear to be, if you make the effort and I was making the effort. It was so rewarding to not have to explain things. I presented myself (note I did not say act like) as a woman, made sure that my clothing and makeup was both appropriate and neat. The mannerisms pretty much took care of themselves, once I quit thinking of myself as a male.
It was the start of my becoming who I am today, not acting like a woman or looking like one, but being one and the best I can be.
Elizabeth, thank you so much for your story, and especially for the point you made at the end of it “not acting like a woman or looking like one, but being one and the best I can be”.
I went out in public for the first time this week, although by most standards here, it probably won’t be considered public. I’ll add my own entry to the blog in a few minutes.
Still, it was public for me, and I did it as a woman. You’re right. It’s about being a woman and being who you really are on the inside.
Thank you for sharing your story and for your words of wisdom at the end of it. It’s worth remembering.
Kisses,
Vanessa
There was never really a first time for me to “go out” as a woman, but there were many first days of trying something new where I subtracted a masculine cue or added a feminine ones. There was the first day I wore a blouse, then a bra, then a dress, hormones, switching bathrooms, etc.. Lots and lots of “firsts!”
Yet, I have always been 100% myself, even as I have gradually and gently transitioned through androgyny to where I am today: socially and legally a woman.
Put another way, I never tried to convince people I was a woman; instead, with greater fidelity and integrity, I became myself: a woman; it’s an inside-out thing.
I lived as an openly transgender person for some years even as I steadily moved toward where I was most comfortable. For some months, I lived as a de facto woman and somewhere I “tipped the balance,” and people who had seen me changing through the years decided “she must be a woman” and they started to treat me that way. When I realized this was generally happening, I relaxed into my identity as a woman, affirmed it by changing my legal name and gender marker, and began living *intentionally* as the woman I am…
…Now, approaching three years later, I feel that I have emerged from my transition and I face life as simply a woman, a “special sort of woman” who became herself through the crucible of her transsexuality and transition. YET I will always be transgender – it is the path that my life has required for me to receive my healing and wholeness. I passed transition as “the line in the sand,” and transition as “the passage-way to a new life” and now I am into transition as “the journey of the rest of my life.”
I realized the other day when I was fixing my hair in a new way that I am no longer a person hoping people will perceive me as a woman – I was a woman who was hoping to be perceived as “cute.” What place to be!! 🙂 <3
I think the thrill of finally being out of the confines of the house out weighed any fear of being discovered. The more I ventured out into pubic I realized that not only was I accepted but very rarely ever looked at as out of place. Now I usually won’t dress unless I can go out.
Ali
I am so jealous of all of these girls who have made a public appearance. That is my goal for 2014. I have a question for anyone willing to help…..I love shopping for dresses and skirts, and I really want to try on the clothes discreetly at the store, but I start shaking when I think about asking a clerk. Any advice on how to take that first step? I bought a dress at macys last week and I’m sure the clerk knew I was buying it for me, so is there anything wrong with asking to use the dressing room?
I have used the dressing room several times. I found out, to my surprise, that a lot of stores somewhat cater to the type of gurls we are. Oh by the way, my first time using one, my wife made me go and try on a skirt. I think that support helped me. Also, it was at a Macy’s store. It doesn’t even phase me any more. The first time IS the toughest.
Hi Emily:
I think some of my experience on the first time doing all this will include some pretty good tips, even though I only finally started this process myself last March. First, I would say that it depends on where you live. Generally in the Midwest or South you probably need to be careful, with perhaps some exceptions such as New Orleans, larger cities and surrounding areas in Florida, and maybe Atlanta. I’ve been in much of the Midwest, lived in three places in the South, and these places I’ve visited more than once and they’re likely exceptions. Generally it’s probably a good idea to discreetly ask someone in charge or who’s overseeing the changing rooms, if anyone.
I bought a waist cincher at Target and tried on some skirts that didn’t fit. Once before I told a saleslady that my wife was about the same size in the middle as me, could I try the skirt on? She said, “Sure, go ahead.” Later, the store wasn’t busy and there were 3 or 4 salesgirls alternating doing things at the desk in front of the changing rooms which served men and women. At first I put the skirts under a pair of mens jeans, later I didn’t bother. They very routinely told me to go ahead on in, and didn’t show signs of thinking twice.
On a separate trip there I bought a couple of ladies wallets on sale, but of course these could have been for a wife or girlfriend so no one would lift an eyebrow anywhere I would think. The same applies to anything. I’ve bought nylons at drug stores and nicer thigh-highs with frilly tops ($8) at Kohl’s for at least 15 years, (they all have a great sizing chart on the back). The same even goes for makeup, perfume, etc. Along that line, don’t forget that nearly all stores will allow returns and exchanges with 30 days so you can buy several things and try them on at home. You can say, “My wife/girlfriend will like this–or it didn’t fit her.” It is really the trying on in store and fitting room situation that can be a problem.
I bought a pair of 2 1/2″ heels at Payless Shoes. They stock them in surprisingly large sizes (I’m a 10 1/2 D in men’s and there were at two sizes larger of the same heels). They look great, are comfortably padded, and cost only $24.95 regular price. I was helping myself, but when I asked her a question the saleslady gave me personal help without even a grin.
But I live in the SF Bay Area and this is 2014. Remember, as a paying customer you have the same right to service as others legally and ethically, but nobody wants mistreatment, abuse, a “scene,” or a hassle. So if you sense it’s not going to work at all at a given store, it might best to just move on to the next one.
I reviewed wig shops in San Francisco online, tried one where I got great professional service the lady running the store alone, although she was doing a hairdo for a woman in their beauty shop. She showed me the proper way to put it on, and helped style it for me. She asked if I wanted to wear it out. I can take it back and she will cut it if I wish.
Except for the above, I bought my beautiful tops and skirts at the local Goodwill with great results, and they allow returns also. This is where I started, going a couple of times later. And I tried everything on. The fitting rooms are self serve, the store was buzzing with people so I had to wait each time. Checking out I told the clerk I was invited to a party where everyone was to dress in ladies clothing. She laughed and laughed a big genuine laugh. A dopey guy on my right was staring holes through me, so I turned my head and gave him a big smile, and continued it all the way out the door. And it was a real smile because I was delighted to finally find the great black skirts, and tops I’d always wanted! I bought some very nice handbags on sale at the local Salvation Army store. An over the shoulder strap small bag, a plush evening dress purse, and ladies wallet, all for under $10.
Sometimes sale items at these places are not returnable. You can reach me at dcsum1968@yahoo.com for any questions. Hope this helps.
Donna, thank you so much for your reply. I’m on the east coast and I think there is acceptance but not across the board. I have controlled my “needs” for years but in the last 18 months or so I feel like I’m losing control, and I also feel a little desperate. I think what I’ll do next is take the leap of faith and hope that it works out. Most store clerks I talk to seem very nice, and are customer service oriented, so hopefully they will simply want to help. I like the idea of goodwill, but I really love the clothes at Macy’s…….
Thanks for the encouragement!
I had been out for drives and walks several time en femme, but never in a really public place. Then about a year ago, I had my makeup applied by a professional. The results were shocking. I had been transformed into a modestly attractive woman. The makeup artist asked me to show her my walk, which I had been working on for a few weeks. She assured me I could pass through a public place without being detected. It was a weekday night. I drove to the main shopping street of the largest nearby town. I window shopped for about 40 minutes. Lots of people walked past me, but no one seemed to notice. There was a Starbucks on the corner. I wanted a coffee and I was sure I could pull it off, but at the last moment, my courage left me and I went home. I wish that night had never ended.
Well, it took 2 hours to get the look I wanted. My wife dared me and I went for a walk. Somehow I end ended up photographed and it ended up at work. That was ten years ago. The harassment has been unbearable. I mean you have no idea. I took early retirement. Cost me thousands, and thousands of dollars. Cost me the support of my union even tho they had a non-homophobic policy.(LOL)
Your story is very sad and unfortunate for all of us who were born with a feminine side that must be expressed. Society needs to reevaluate the accepted rules. People must be able to wear the clothing, make-up, or just live the life they feel reflects who they are. Think about it, how did taking a walk en femme endanger your community, the business you worked for or anyone in general? One question I have is did your wife support you after all this or did she blame you for bringing hard times on your family?
She is tolerant and most times encouraging. The lack of money is a stress point. We’re struggling.
I’VE COME A LONG WAY BABY!
The first time I was out in public
My first time really out in public was with Emerald Fantasy in September of 2007. Although I had been dressing in private for about a year or two, this was the first time I was out and mixing with the public in public places. It was both exhilarating and intimidating to be out in public as a female, but I enjoyed every minute of it. That is the photo of me in a restaurant during my outing holding the drink. Not shown are my slacks and black pumps. For underpinnings I wore all black, which consisted of a pocket bra, a waist cincher, a support panty brief and a pair of nude pantyhose.
Fast forward to September 2014. I was again in Seattle with Emerald Fantasy. I had grown more comfident in my appearance and mannerisms so I spent a good part of the day shopping and wandering the mall. The photo shows me seated in the Food Court wearing a nice one-piece blouse and jacket. This was paired with a mid-thigh skirt with a side slit that ran so far up the skirt that it would show the welt of my stockings. My underpinnings were all black and consisted of a black bra and panties, and a black underbust corset with garters to a pair of neutral stockings. Again, it was wonderful to get out into beautiful Seattle as a woman spending the day shopping and dining.
I wore my sisters clothes at 15 when home alone and was hooked and thankful never caught. After moving out at 20 I began buying clothes at the salvation army thrift. Finally I had enough and had to go out in public. I wore a blouse and long skirt with heels and nylons and donned a short haired pixie wig and was pleased with my makeup. From there I took a drive and went into a target to look at fashions just browsing. No one seemed to notice a thing. Afterwards I went to payless shoes and bought some lovely three inch heels and a purse to match. The clerk at the counter made no indication he noticed anything unusual and I was so happy. Since then I have been hooked and remember that first day so vividly and the fun I had. Also realized how natural it was for me to be a girl and loved it