When presenting as a woman, every detail matters. The way you act is just as important as the way you look. This includes etiquette!
Does etiquette sound like an old-fashioned concept from the 1950s? It’s not.
Knowing the proper etiquette makes you look classy and goes a long way towards a positive first impression. (Besides, you never know when you might be invited to dinner at the White House or Buckingham Palace!)
In this blog post on trans / crossdressing training, we’ll delve into etiquette for common social situations. Here are 6 etiquette tips to know before your next en femme outing.
1. Girly Greetings
Greetings can be a landmine of potential awkwardness. Should you hug, kiss, or shake hands?
The rules are straightforward when meeting somebody for the first time:
- Shake the hand of the person you are being introduced to.
- If you are sitting down, stand up to shake their hand.
- Look them in the eyes and smile.
- Bonus points if you say the other person’s name when you meet them.
Kissing, air kissing, and hugs depend on cultural norms and how well you know somebody. When in doubt, let the other person lead.
Of course, if it’s a good friend, feel free to hug or kiss away!
2. The Proper Place for Your Purse
Where you put your purse says a lot about your manners. Did you know that putting your purse on the table in public is considered rude? That’s because it’s unhygienic.
Here’s what you should do instead:
Handbag etiquette:
- In casual settings, you can hang your bag on the back of your chair. However in formal settings, this is considered poor etiquette since it can trip up the wait staff.
- The other option is to place it on your lap or at your feet.
- You can also use a purse hook. This is a small hook you carry with you to hang your bag on the table. (Queen Elizabeth II is said to have used one!)
Clutch bag etiquette:
- Place the clutch on your lap (with your napkin on top) or behind you on your chair.
3. Napkin Etiquette
Napkin etiquette is simple: As soon as you are seated, put the napkin on your lap. You should never begin eating or drinking without your napkin on your lap.
If you get up to use the restroom, fold the napkin and place it on the left side of your plate.
4. How to Hold Your Wine Glass
If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably been holding your wine glass wrong.
The mistake most people make is to hold the glass by the “bowl.” This is a faux pas since it warms the drink inside and leaves smudge marks on the glass.
Instead, hold the glass at the stem by grasping it between your thumb and index finger. (Who votes for a “practice” session tonight?!)
5. Use the Right Utensils
Ah, the classic etiquette question: Which fork do I use? The answer is to start with the outermost utensil and work your way in with each course.
6. A Grand Finale
Now that you’ve made it through the occasion with perfect, ladylike manners, how do you make a grand finale?
- When you are done eating, rest your utensils diagonally (in parallel) across your plate.
- Your napkin should remain on your lap until you’re ready to leave the table.
- Never leave a party or event without saying your goodbyes. “Ghosting” is just plain rude.
Etiquette matters
As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts! Etiquette might not be the “sexiest” topic, but these details make a difference.
Curious to know more? Check out Emily Post’s Etiquette, 18th Edition.
Did any of these etiquette rules surprise you? Do you have any others to add to this list? Please share in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
P.S. Want to learn more tips on mastering your feminine presentation?
Sign up for my free 3-part Male to Female Transformation Mini Course here!
Hi girls
I like to add that the way we hold the cutlery ,(fork, knife and Spoon) is very important. Love❤
P.S.
In this picture I am with Karen
of femmefever of new York, she has been a fabulous comportment coach and makeup instructor in my transition, along of course with all the advises of Lucille Sorella love joanna
When I was in grade school, we had to go through etiquette classes. One of the rules of etiquette that I remember was the rule of shaking hands. It was customary and considered good etiquette for a man to “always” stand to shake hands while for the woman, it was optional and could remain seated if she is already seated.
This however has changed (yes, the rules of etiquette change as well lol) and now it is considered customary for the woman to stand.
Another side note on that was an article written in GQ magazine about how men should shake a woman’s hand. It gave a very simple rule of thumb in which a man should wait for the woman to extend her hand first and when she does, a man should clasp her hand in only a slightly firm fashion but not limp-wristed so to speak.
Customarily down where I live, we females tend to hug one another in greetings and salutations.
I’ve got to totally agree with you Sofi regarding hugs. I love to give my friends and new acquaintances a nice hugregardless of whether they are male or female. It seems to me this display of feminine friendship is totally appreciated by everyone I’ve been lucky enough to meet so far.
True true. I’ve never met anyone that would turn down a hug from me yet 🙂
Great points, Sofi Lynn! For the record, I love hugs!
🙂 Hugz are the best.
Umh, Honey, I do like the information the greetings and most of this is good to know. However, I never find myself in a classy restaurant. I bearly ever go into a 1 Star restaurant. So i will never have more then 1fork to choice from. Also the ladies here act more like the men then girls!
Remember-do not put lipstick on at the dinner table!
With the exception of the one about the purse, all these rules apply when presenting as men too.
Hi Lucille honey and girlfriends manners ok here I need some work I’m fairly femme in my mannerisms still while covering up I got a little lazy now I’m trying to get back to all those manners ok I really dontworry too much about it people are too busy with their phones I think I’ve been in my apt for almost a year now one person is all I’ve met I take the blame partly but people are so absorbed with their phones it’s rude to me I’m never going to eat at a place where ettiquette is scrutinized no 7 course meals here lucky to get 1 course and a drink I think manners equate to thoughtfulness or lack of as for purse straps in my salad I guess that could happen but I don’t go out with the girls anyway yet people think what they want no matter if it’s right or not I’m just old enough to not care about much after losing my wife after a 6 year battle with illness I’m moving forward at a snail’s pace but that’s not because of me I’m being held back a little by family I’m being myself anyway I’m just using the time to perfect my look mainly waiting to get my teeth fixed after a pistol whipping but it’s better than getting shot guns are for cowards hey they have their place and time in the west guns that is I’m an expert shot but I don’t use those skills much en femme although a purse strap in my salad I might and remember their the ones that look bad its on them I worry about myself thats it Love MJ
Being new to going out always runs the risk of leaving a large handbag behind if you put it on the floor as it is basically out of sight. Sometimes I wonder if it is better to take only items you will need in a smaller clutch that can be placed on your lap.
It really depends on the setting of what type of purse you’ll need to bring. I’m generally pretty casual and I have many purses that range in different sizes. I generally tend to stick to my mid to large size coral colored purse for almost everything. However, in a more formal setting, I’ll switch to one of my clutches depending on the color scheme. I also use a clutch with a strap for when I go walking on the track so that I can have my purse with me. I wear leggings to work out in so I have no pockets and a clutch with body strap is ideal.
But like I say, I generally stick to a large purse because it adds to the overall aesthetic of making me to appear smaller. I’m 6′ with blonde hair so I tend to stick out in a crowd so I do little tricks to give the illusion of not being over sized. The big purse trick is one of them.
This especially applies as one gets older and memory fades somewhat.
In Spain, the greeting is kissing the air directly above the cheek. This is relatively easy for women, but for men you have the porcupine or cactus effect, as most do not groom their beards. So give a little more room above the beard in that case. For the purse on the chair, make sure your wallet is not easily accessible, as you are inviting pick pocketing otherwise if it’s just sticking in the side.