Are you afraid to step out as a woman for fear of not “passing?”
Instead of fixating on passing, my advice to crossdressers and transgender women has always been to try to “blend in” as a woman instead. (Read more on that topic here.)
But lately, I’ve been wondering… Is blending in REALLY the ultimate goal when presenting as female?
After all, why wear cute outfits, style your hair, or apply makeup if no one notices?
I think it’s a natural feminine desire to want to stand out and make a statement. Does your inner woman share this desire?
This is an interesting topic, and I’d love to hear your thoughts:
- Do you enjoy getting positive attention when presenting yourself as a woman?
- Or do you prefer to blend in and attract as little attention as possible?
Please take my poll and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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P.S. If you liked this article, you will love my FREE Male to Female Transformation Mini Course.
For me I want to Blend as a woman but be noticed as a woman. I don’t want to stand out as a man dressed as a woman. When I am dressing I try to look just like any other woman that is just being a person. Someday I will be out and about and know I have found myself as the woman that I really want to be.
So blend in as a woman but stand out as one of the pretty ones too.
Thanks Jeanette, which happens to be my grand daughter’s middle name…and her 11th birthday is tomorrow. When I’m out and about I get treated the same way. I love doors being opened for me, other women complimenting me in regards to what I’m wearing and waiters and waitresses calling me Ma’am. I try to dress conservatively yet fashionable (stylish). I totally enjoy being a woman.
You’re so very welcome, Carollyn! Happy birthday to your granddaughter! beautiful middle name too… of course I’m a little biased (LOL) Best ~ Jeanette
I agree with Jeanette, blending in is standing out. Most women dress nicely, wear makeup and do thier hair, and by so doing men and most of all other women will notice you. Women are always checking each other out, comparing thier assets to yours or even taking note of some aspect they may want for themselves. That is why Jeanette felt validated by the cute shoes remark. Once my wife and I were in Las Vegas and I was en femme, when a man in the car next to us was trying hard to get my attention. He wanted us to stop or follow him somewhere to meet me. We did not stop because I was terrified, you see this was actually the first time I went out dressed as a woman. Sure I had been out driving through town or practicing within my house. This however this time was in a well lit public setting and when we had diner in one of the casino buffets and the servers, waitresses and other customers accepted me as just another woman my spirit soared. I was so thrilled I could barely contain myself. Since then I have been shooting for this same level of acceptance. I always enjoy reading all of your comments and I hope you all get the acceptance or positive notice all of us are working so hard to get!
– Ellen
Best of luck to you in stepping out, Ellen. It can still be downright terrifying for me sometimes, even though I’ve been getting out frequently and “blending” well for several years. Self-confidence is key. That, and feeling that validation a couple of times really boosts one’s ego, and then it only makes you MORE confident. Keep up the good work!
because of what standing out generally indicates (standing out as a transgender typically means standing out in a not so feminine way) it’s no real surprise that the goal is to blend in… after that goal has been reached I suppose most people want to look good, better than the next girl
(and I’ve noticed that it’s not so much of a girl thing as a people in general thing… guys just put more effort in standing out in differant ways. and some straight guys do try to look handsome, though they seem to be the exception rather than the rule)
as far as me personally… I don’t care about ‘passing’
I care about acceptance, passing is the means to that end… too many people are perfectly willing to judge me unfairly; not out of anything (is negitive the right word?) they personally know or belive but rather because that is what they were taught to do, and that is what they are familiar with and comfortable with, whereas I myself because of who and what I am , am a person that others are not familiar with or comfortable with. I am not just willing but in many cases Happy to alter the asthetics of my behavior, in order to present myself in a way that is familiar and comfortable to others.
most of the time that means little more than permitting myself to behave in ways I was ‘trained’ not to in grade-school
as far as standing out…
everyone has their own beauty, and true beauty will not die with age or disability… The world would be a better place if people started looking for the beauty in their hearts insead of looking for beauty on their face… your face will eventually wrinkle, but it is truly a horrible and terrible thing if your heart ‘wrinkles’.
Hi. I try to blend in. I’ve got long hair, and fit nice in a “B” cup (Three years on the program). I have found a nice place to fit in and be one of the girls. There is a nice lesbian club near me. It is a secure place to be yourself. I’m loving it. One of my girl friends when I first met her commented that I had better cleavage than her.
Love all
In my own experience, blending in is better than standing out. I go out dressed regularly, and when I walk into a store and people basically “ignore” me, that means I “pass” successfully as a woman. When you see genetic women out in public, you will see that each one is their own unique individual… they come in all shapes, sizes, colors, heights, and styles. Some are very dressed up, some look frumpy, but most are somewhere in between the two extremes in their presentation of themselves. That’s what I try to do.
I always want to look my best when I’m out and about. So I put my hair up in rollers (I’m blessed with a full head of hair 🙂 ) and style it nice, do my makeup, rock the cleavage, put on a nice age appropriate outfit (be it slacks or skirt with a top that shows my cleavage, or a dress even), and either apply fake nails or at least give my own nails a coat or two of clear polish, lipstick, perfume, and basic jewelry. Who doesn’t want to look nice? But the thing is, I try to look my best in a “normal” way, the way any woman would… to try and look attractive but not WAY over the top. I’m very lucky in many ways… in that I can style my own hair and don’t wear wigs, I’m 5 foot 7, I am a woman’s size 10-12 for clothes, I can wear womens’ shoes in womens’ sizes ranging from 8-1/2 to 9-1/2, and can create realistic looking cleavage… all of which help me blend.
I am quite sure I get read on occasion, but I honestly don’t care anymore, either. I believe that those of us who are transgendered who DO venture out in public, are sort of “ambassadors” for our community, and I want to put my best foot forward (especially if I’m wearing cute shoes!! LOL). Actually earlier this last month I was at the mall, and browsing around at Payless Shoes. Two different sales clerks asked if I needed help. The first one told me about the sale they were having, the second one asked if I needed help, which I politely said “no thanks”, and she walked away, she said to me, “Cute shoes”. 🙂
At that moment, just those 2 words from another woman, “cute shoes”, made me feel like I was part of some sort of “womens’ inner circle”, like I was “one of them”, so to speak. May sound silly, but it felt awesome and validating. So I think it’s okay to stand out, but in a way that you can still blend in nicely when you’re out in public. That’s my 2 cents worth. Stay Beautiful ~ Jeanette
Jeanette — Please write me at: carollynolson@yahoo.com
I always try to blend in when out and about. It is the ultimate compliment to be recognized as a woman by those I encounter at stores, restaurants or wherever. As they say at the end of a baseball game “if you don’t know the name of the umpire, then he’s called a good game.” I can relate that to being in public.
I completely agree with you, Carollyn! It truly IS the ultimate compliment to be simply regarded as “just another woman doing whatever she’s doing” when in public. I’ve been addressed as “Ma’am” several times myself and it ALWAYS brings a smile to my face, because the person who addressed me saw ME as a female and it was said so nonchalantly, too. Btw, your look is amazing and I wouldn’t be able to tell if I saw you in public. You DO blend well! Best ~ Jeanette
For me, I am 10 months into full time en femme. Surgery is less than 4 months away. At first, all I wanted was to fit in and not be noticed. That was very difficult. I had a lot of changes to do to get to that point. Now, I am finding myself not being noticed and taken as a woman with very few exceptions. Not being noticed is not enough anymore. I find myself wanting to be noticed so I do take extra care each day to look my best with my hair and makeup. I dress professionally due to my office environment, but try to look as stunning as I can. I am still a work in progress, but I am proud to say that I get my fair share of compliments and occasionally, the extra stare and even whistled at a few times. Thanks Lucille! much of my success is due to stuff you post here. I for one am very appreciative!