Are you afraid to step out as a woman for fear of not “passing?”
Instead of fixating on passing, my advice to crossdressers and transgender women has always been to try to “blend in” as a woman instead. (Read more on that topic here.)
But lately, I’ve been wondering… Is blending in REALLY the ultimate goal when presenting as female?
After all, why wear cute outfits, style your hair, or apply makeup if no one notices?
I think it’s a natural feminine desire to want to stand out and make a statement. Does your inner woman share this desire?
This is an interesting topic, and I’d love to hear your thoughts:
- Do you enjoy getting positive attention when presenting yourself as a woman?
- Or do you prefer to blend in and attract as little attention as possible?
Please take my poll and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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P.S. If you liked this article, you will love my FREE Male to Female Transformation Mini Course.
For me it’s about being me and that means I want to stand out as me. It’s not about being generic and blending in so no one notices, it’s about being free to be me and expressing my joy. That said, standing out does not mean outrageous costumes or makeup, unless the event I’m going to calls for that. It means being stylish and well put together. I want my soul to shine through and warm those around me. Whether I look transgender or not is not my biggest concern. But I do want to look beautiful.
The joy of being yourself shows in your photo, an example of a person who is at peace with themselves. Beautiful. Rosemerry
Beautifully stated, Simone! Beautiful photo, too.
Wow Simone.not only a sexy name but lookibg good!!
Never doubt yoursekf again.
Luv Caroline xx
Hi, blending and standout, both options depend on situation. I personally like standing-out because if I cannot stand out then what is the use of all those pretty dresses and makeup. So “standing out” is my thing but blending is also a good options where standing out does not seems possible.
I used to try to blend. I wore slacks, a simple top, a sweater or shawl. Mostly neutrals or maybe one solid color item with neutrals or the occasional simple print. Something you might see in any professional office building.
I then realized two things. I had never been a wallflower, someone who faded into the woodwork. I was someone who was noticed and remembered. And my gender therapist pointed out to my that my neutral outfits were noticeably well put together. I was perpetuating the mistake I made before in using clothes as armor.
So now I dress for me. I have fun putting together an outfit that is full of color. I still dress for where I’ll be, whether at work or going out whether to run errands or for an evening. It’s just who I am, and it’s right for me. It looks like I’m in the minority, and perhaps in the minority of how I choose to stand out as I most never try to look sexy.
As for me, I never cared for the word: ‘passing’ it always made me feel like I was getting away with something. The word I came up with and always use is: ‘presenting’. I presenting my true self as a tans woman named JoAnne. And as to wanting to ‘blend’ rather than ‘stand out’, for me it’s about safety and feeling safe while out in the world.
Ah, I love the term “presenting.” I’ve never cared for the term “passing,” either. Sounds too much like school!
All:
I really WISH to blend in! I am 6-7/2m tall so it is practically impossible. I try to dress tasteful and even with these long legs, I don’t wear slutty clothing. I wish to actually LOOK female, (though quite a tall one!) 😉 Using feminine products on my face and such, I can make it work if sitting. As soon as I stand, even with a short heel, I start drawing attention. I can wear what I wish at home as my Mrs. doesn’t mind. She will make recommendations now n then that help my total ‘look’. To ‘fit in’ I would think is the goal for all of us. At least some times!
Twinkie
I like to go out quietly and be looked at because I’m clearly a sissy and particularly exhibitionist, obviously always with class!
I am very sweet and sociable, in fact after a short while I get to know everyone who is close to me by spreading smiles, and I love this very much!
Kisses Flora
I’m 75, not passable but not particularly ugly either. I enjoy going out to the local club, almost every Thursday for karaoke night (I just watch) and Saturday night. As far as I know, I’m the oldest person there, in most cases by quite a stretch. But I love the classic 50s look, and unlike the great majority of others there I dress to kill. Nice dresses or skirts (last Thursday I wore a poodle skirt, now how often do you see that any more) usually 4″ heels, stockings with garter belt, I have my ears pierced so I love dangly earrings, and shiny ankle bracelets. People do notice, and many will come up to chat. I always wear a guardian angel pin on my left shoulder and it’s a great conversation starter. I’ve yet to have a negative experience, women are amazed how I can walk around all night in stiletto heels, get my eyelashes so straight, and they admire my outfits. I love it, it’s a great confidence builder. Getting past that “passing” thing and actually getting out, looking the best I can, (things I picked up from here) was the best thing I ever did for myself. I’ve been able to accept myself for who I am, and I’ve created an image for myself that others now actually look forward to seeing. I do stand out from the crowd, and people look forward to seeing just how I will look the next time they see me. We don’t have to be passable, we just have to be confident, show non-judgemental love for others, and they will return the same. Often a younger male will approach and want to chat, curious about cross dressing himself but still governed by fear, and still trying to discover who his inner woman is. Life is good, we only live once for a very fleeting time, I finally decided, after a lifetime of fear and hiding, to be the woman I want to be.
Hugs,
Jennifer
Jennifer you are beautiful. I understand your worries. I am one just as you are. No matter how m any people tell me I will pass, I am still scared. I’m sure you get attention when you go to the event. Try accepting what people tell you. I know, take my own advice.
Huggs
Kisses
Jen A.
Thanks Jennifer for taking the time to share your story.You are amazing and you inspire me.May your Guardian Angel protect you always
Love Keera
I try to blend in and not attract attention. The day an associate at a store called me “mam” was a wonderful day.
Paula