It’s not easy being a crossdresser or transgender woman. When you add envy and comparison to the mix, it can make the journey even tougher.
The truth is, it’s all too common to fall into the comparison trap – whether it’s measuring up to cisgender women or looking at those girls who are further along in their MTF transitions.
Feeling jealous or envious every now and then is perfectly normal. But it doesn’t exactly feel great, does it? Plus, it can hinder your progress towards your own goals.
So, how can you manage these emotions? In this blog post on male to female tips, I’ll share 5 strategies to help you conquer envy and comparison.
1. Recognize That You Don’t See the Whole Picture
It’s easy to feel inadequate when scrolling through seemingly flawless Instagram photos. Social media can be a breeding ground for envy, but remember these two important things:
- Most people present an idealized version of themselves online. Those filtered photos may not accurately reflect their true appearance.
- You have no insight into what’s happening behind the scenes. Even those with seemingly perfect lives have their own issues and insecurities.
Keep this in mind the next time you find yourself scrolling through social media!
2. Let Envy Inspire You
Envy is a sign that someone has something you want for yourself, and that’s not a bad thing. Instead of letting envy make you feel down, use it as a source of inspiration.
Set achievable goals and direct your energy toward reaching them. Taking positive action feels incredible, and it can be a powerful way to turn envy into motivation.
3. Get Out and Live Your Life
If you find yourself spending too much time on social media or passively observing others, it can easily lead to negative thought patterns.
Simply put, you need to spend less time in your own head and more time enjoying your fabulous life!
When you’re busy having fun, making friends, and exploring new activities, there’s less room for obsessive comparison.
4. Surround Yourself with Positivity
Are you surrounded by people who constantly complain about how unfair life is? Or who are always trying to outdo each other like a bunch of teenage girls?
Those thought patterns are contagious, so the best thing you can do is find better people to be around: People who are happy, positive, and grateful.
I realize there are people you can’t cut out completely (like family), but look for positive outlets, such as Meetup groups, support groups, or online communities that uplift your spirits.
5. Appreciate Yourself
Remember this: “Another woman’s beauty is not the absence of your own.” To overcome envy, shift the focus back to what makes you special, unique, and beautiful.
There’s no finite supply of beauty or success in the world, so keep reminding yourself of your strengths and attributes.
Is this advice clichéd? Perhaps, but it works!
How do YOU deal with envy and comparison?
Feeling envious or making comparisons is normal, but the sooner you shift the focus back to your own life and goals, the better.
Because, girlfriend, you are amazing just the way you are!
As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you ever struggled with comparison or envy? If so, how did you deal with it? Please share in the comments below!
Love,
Lucille
This has always been a sensitive area for me. I can’t count the nights I’ve asked God why was I denied a female body to match who I am inside. I cried trillions of tears. I took chances that I knew put my life at strong risk because it was always so horribly agonizing to have a male body when inside I was a lesbian and to top it off a submissive one at that. Going through SRS has helped but it isn’t complete and I don’t like not having periods or going through menopause. I want the good with the bad it makes me feel guilty to not have achieved the completeness of the genetic female experience because that is who I am inside. But I have no ill will toward anyone. I am happy for those who do experience all aspects even if they aren’t personally thrilled by it.
Oh my dear Daphne – I have known and listened to many cis women that would be so very jealous of you to not have periods. It seems to me that a majority of them do have a rough time of it and the only reason they don’t ‘mind’ going thru menopause is so that they don’t have to go thru having periods any more, and some still DO ‘spot’ – a lot. So you can consider yourself blessed to not have those problems but have the best of the fem life.
Say strong girl, and good luck. Hugz.
Thanks Michelle B very nice advice and thoughts. I still can’t help but feel guilty and cheated for not having the complete female experience.
We all have our assets & liabilities, our fortune & misfortune.
Some say that the only healthy comparison is with ourselves, but I think I have gone beyond that. Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, even two years ago, I could not have imagined I would be where I am now, and all the changes in me. And while my outside has changed considerably, I think that I am most pleased with my inside, and how the my inside and outside are are resembling the twin sisters I think they should.
I have not won any lotteries, much less received the “beautiful gene,” but I am who and what I am, and I have come to see that I am gifted if also flawed, but it is okay – I still improve myself, but I see that as simply growing.
For some, nothing is ever enough: I am woman now; I am enough.
Blessings & Joy Everyone!! 🙂 <3
Beautifully said, Brettany. And you ARE beautiful!
I definitely agree with Lucille! I do not have the beautiful gene either Brettany but I am trying every day inside and out! That’s all we can do! I think you look fabulous!
I don’t look at women with envy, so much. (O.K. I’m lying, I would almost kill for real boobs)
Mostly though, I observe other women to see things like how they do their hair, how they put on makeup and what they are wearing. I try to emulate them and their mannerisms and improve myself rather than criticize my own shortcomings
I’m the same way, I try to emulate how they do things. The only thing that I looks and in jealousy is the fact that they have two boobs
I feel that I am a gorgeous vixen and I really do not care about what others think about me. Call it Confidence. I go out to clubs and am made to feel gorgeous by my friends and that’s all I need……..and when everyone asks me if I’m in the “Show” (and I’m not an entertainer) that certainly doesn’t hurt either.
I wish I had your confidence Rhonda!
I think if we are build up a support group with other trans, as well as Doctor’s, social workers, speech therapists who all are compassionate then envy won’t come into play. Exchanging ideas with other girls on how to improve is an approach that may be beneficial.
I also find setting realistic short and long term goals puts more focus on ourselves.
Hi Lucille
Thanks for you advises and orientation, more than a year ago I decide to start make full transition to become a woman, and since then everything is changing so fast that I am surprise how well how I doing, i do not feel nervous anymore when I going out in public.
To be honest I never feel envious of jealous of any cisgender or transwoman, on the contrary I appreciate their beauty and class ,and use those qualities in my transition as an example, my favorites women are to name a few ,Sophia Loren ,Raquel Welch, and of course you Lucille, because you are a very beautiful and classy woman.
XO joanna
Aww, thank you Joanna. You are the epitome of class and beauty!
I see a beautiful woman and appreciate her beauty and try to pick one thing about her that stands out it could be just the way she walks or how she carries herself it’s not always her physical beauty that I admire. Rather than get hung up with envy I try harder to make my appearance more feminine and not get depressed anout how far I might still have to go to present myself more convincingly. I consider myself fortunate that I get to enjoy my fem side and look forward to my next opportunity .
You look lovely. Can you please post a couple of color photos? I’d love to see how you got your make up to look so flattering 😉
I would say you have nothing to be “envious” of judging by your picture.
You pic says you are doing great on your path so far. I hope you reach all of your goals.
I am Tabatha Sue I don’t buy and what negative people think all my pictures that I put on social media they’re not Photoshop but they are actually at me and I found that I had to be comfortable in my own skin with you I am and I’m starting to get a good support group of compassionate and understanding people in my life it’s going to be a long journey
What I do is look at beautiful trans woman and see if they have something that may work for me. Maybe it’s the way her eyes look, or the sound of her voice, or the way she moves. in some cases I’ll ask her.
We can learn so much from each other and all of us can set realistic goals for ourselves. Maybe you want to see a speech therapist for several lessons to work on your voice. Or save up for a time where you can invest in a darling pair of shoes, or electrolysis or laser hair removal.
And as you mentioned Lucille, working on developing a support group so you are not alone in your journey is helpful.
And yes, I did apply a filter to my picture 🙂