“Passing as a woman” is the Holy Grail for many crossdressers and transgender women.
But is it really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of not “passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it… it’s not always easy!
It could take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and presenting yourself as a woman. You might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
That means that unless you plan to live as a woman full time, trying to become 100% passable just isn’t practical.
Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look feminine and harmonious enough not to stand out in a negative way – even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a cisgender (genetic) woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU!
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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Lucille,
I’m not a transgendered female but a transvestite. I recently bought your Flat2Fem and embarked on the program. Although it’s a little yet, I feel my boobs are firmer and are growing. If this is wishful thinking then it just goes to prove that ‘BLENDING IN’ is very important as having natural breasts is giving me the confidence to be able to express myself as a woman.
Hi, Lucille!
I think that you have written a pointedly appropriate article.
I’m one of those CDs with a full-time job and a family. My opportunities to explore my “second self” are limited, so I must wring every moment for everything that I can get!
Consequently, it is unreasonable for me to view “passing” as an absolute. It is “passing at my highest potential” that I must strive for.
And for me, it is all about public places. I have no safe havens to visit. To project myself confidently, it is necessary that I perform an objective assessment (digital camera; tape recorded voice) and can say that I look and feel and sound substantially capable of passing before I place a heel through the doorway.
I am well aware that it is impossible for me to be the perfect woman. I do know, however, that genetic women come in all shapes and sizes. And I can become “the best that I can be” if I conscientiously and seriously apply myself to the quality of my makeup, hair, clothing, perfume and voice.
And most importantly, I feel that it is essential that I behave like a “lady.”
Truly, I hope that my perspective will never change, because being able to successfully present myself as a woman has been, and continues to be, one of the most thrilling and fulfilling experiences of my lifetime.
I have few doubts that I have been “read” on occasion. However, I always try very hard to control my anxieties and have always been sweet, kind and courteous.
I certainly have fears of creating myself a terrible problem. So I “practice” the aspects of being Jennifer at every possible private moment.
I am in full agreement with you that dressing appropriately and acting “naturally” are the keys to success. I also feel that it is important to dress just slightly “more upscale” than the average for one’s intended destinations. I think that this allows one to “blend in” while also presenting the very best impression of one’s feminine tastes.
And when you feel sufficient confidence to venture out alone and on your own, I feel it is good judgment to choose a well-traveled public place, like a shopping center – rather than taking the risk of slinking about in the late night shadows where the more serious dangers lurk.
Affectionately,
Jennifer C.
Jennifer, I completely agree with your posting. I posted a similar one a about 3 pages further on. I am on the same page with you about dressing slightly more upscale than the average, and I mentioned your comment in my posting. Amen!
Best Always ~
Jeanette Fontaine
To me it’s Not at all about Passing or not Passing it’s Honestly about Being true to who You are, Confident, The way You present carry Yourself, and Your True inner Beauty makes the Outer beauty Glow,and how People persieve, I don’t Think! about Passing or Not Passing! I just plainy see myself as another Women/ Female Wherever I am
Well , I didn’t expect to pass when I walked into my dentist’s office , but the lab work was taking longer than I expected . The receptionist never blinked or skipped a beat , but she did complement me on my dress . At my age , the June Cleaver style works well . Maybe I could have passed 20 years ago ; in fact I did , and that kind of attention was not what I wanted .
He is not a famous artist as yet , but he is well accomplished , to say the least . He asked , ” why would you want to limit yourself ” ? Res ipsa : why would I let anybody limit what I can wear ?
I am truly happy being the girl that I know I am. I want to get rid of that little thing down there, but can’t pay for it right now. Any ideas out there.
I spent a year working in Las Vegas as a female photographer, so being able to pass had (and has) held more importance to me than it might for others. But regardless of whether you pass or blend or are uncertain, my 2 cents worth of advice is to play it careful. Choose wisely the parts of town to frequent. Patronize establishments that would be more accepting such as show clubs, gay owned restaurants, etc. Better to test the waters and build up your confidence level then it is to jump in over your head and drown. Besides, it would make your dress soggy.
Passing is important, but I to think it’s important to just be the woman you are whether you pass 100% or not. I love my voice and most everything about me and believe I am very passable. Unfortunately my voice can have off days where I sound a little less than feminine and I’m only human anyway. I do not and never will believe in the “Women do this and that & men do that and this” kinda of crap anyway. I’m just me and happy to be free. : D
Dear Lucille,
We all appriciate you so much and the help you’ve given us.
On this point I think Christy and Felicia have the best take on
it. Since I spend most of my time dressed “femm” Blending in is
very important to me. In the evening dinning out and having fun
in a gender bar is quite different. I can give up “sexy” during
the day for a good shopping trip to the mall.