“Passing as a woman” is the Holy Grail for many crossdressers and transgender women.
But is it really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of not “passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it… it’s not always easy!
It could take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and presenting yourself as a woman. You might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
That means that unless you plan to live as a woman full time, trying to become 100% passable just isn’t practical.
Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look feminine and harmonious enough not to stand out in a negative way – even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a cisgender (genetic) woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU!
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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I cannot pass at all. No matter what I do, I will never be able to pass.
So as you might expect, I desperately want to be 100% passable.
(We always want what we can’t have.)
The sad fact is that, at my tallest, I was 6’5″. I am now down to 6’3″, thank God. I am large boned, 255+ lbs and grow body hair at a rather frightening rate.
Ironically I was able to pass once in my life. It was the first time I realized I wanted to be a woman. I was in my early teens and I babysat for a woman at the time. She gave me full access to most of her clothes, makeup and jewelry so that I could try cross-dressing and see if it was really something I wanted to do. She instructed me watch her put on her makeup etc until I was ready to try for myself. She never offered any tips beyond that. After a week or two I was ready and she told me to wait until she left for work and the kids were in bed and sleeping. (The kids never got up in the night.) These were good instructions all around. I was far more comfortable doing this in private, I always have been highly self-conscious, and it eliminated any possible problems where the kids were concerned. I spent a few hours getting ready and the result was unexpected. I looked, to my own eyes at least, completely passable. And I loved what I saw. From then on I dressed up every night I babysat.
I never looked that good again. With every passing day I grew more masculine in appearance and within a few years I gave up. There were a couple of brief periods where I tried going back to it, but it never lasted. I knew I could not pass and would never be accepted. I destroyed one relationship and two jobs trying.
Three years ago I started cross-dressing again, but this time with three critical differences. One, I now make enough money to buy clothes, makeup, breast forms etc. Two, I am now old enough to have realized that I do not have to do this in public. And three, I know I can never have a successful relationship. Even if I were to try as a man.
This probably sounds rather sad to most of you, but for me it’s rather a relief. I have found a balance that allows me to enjoy being the woman I am; even if is only for a few hours at night. This is far more than I could have hoped for when I was younger. I have accomplished what little I have by separating myself in two, so to speak. During the day I play the male persona that the world expects to see and at night I get to be just plain me. Sarah Jessica Lay. Maybe one day I will be able to have more, but for now at least I will be satisfied with what I have.
Lucille, thank you so much for all your advice. It makes the little time I have to be me so much more satisfying.
Hey Sarah,
I’m very sorry about your broken relationships but happy that you have found peace with yourself. It is pathetic that we cannot just be who we are in public. I feel that a lot of the pressure to pass comes from fear of rejection. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could just enjoy being trans without all of the social issues? Maybe if we keep working to educate others about transgenderism, one day women like us can just go out, relax, and enjoy ourselves without any fear.
Para mi has sido como un angel que me ha ayudado muchisimo a comprender y comprenderme en esta forma de vida que nos ha tocado vivir y por eso te doy infinitas gracias.
En algunas ocaciones te he mandado mensajes en idioma Ingles y nop se si tengas elgo de todos tus programas en español y te aseguro que tendras un inmenso mercado latino. Yo procuro leer en ingles pero a veces se hace estresante por que hay cosas que no entiendo.
Gracis nuevamente por tener estas valiosas ayudas para nosotras que tanta ayuda necesitamsos para poder existir.
I think feeling and acting like a woman is more important than looking like one. I was amazed bi the term blending because this weekend I was with my daughter and she commented on my appearence and wanted to know what I was doing different.I told her I was blending my spirits. For me it’s more than just blending in bi toning down my clothing and actually blending my male and female sides into kind of a unisex femme and sexy in a boi ish sense. I don’t know hope this makes sense to some other than myself…Hugs and kisses
When I walk out the door I go with mindset I will not pass. If I get possitive comments I am on top of the world, if not I am not devistated, it is what I expected. I am just another transgendered individual out for a good time on the town.
I think its important to pass, or blend in so that you don’t get those second , or third, or fourth looks or get snickered at. Some girls like me like to wear short skirts, so for me passing is essential, as I often get a second or third look, just because of the skirts and how visible my legs are.
*hugs*
Sarah
I totally want to “pass” as a female/girl.
I LOVE looking – being a female/girl so yes, inner beauty
is imp[ortant
Hai Luci, Thankyou for your valueable steps became a true woman. I am proud to be a trangender woman and i wnat more feminine with the help of your guidence. Thankyou once again Dear. With Regards. Sheyal.
Wow. I’m a gg. All of you look so great! I am so jealous of your legs, all of you have great legs. You look fantastic in heels. Don’t ever give up your dream, just be yourself, stay relaxed, stand tall and be proud of who you are!