“Passing as a woman” is the Holy Grail for many crossdressers and transgender women.
But is it really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of not “passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it… it’s not always easy!
It could take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and presenting yourself as a woman. You might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
That means that unless you plan to live as a woman full time, trying to become 100% passable just isn’t practical.
Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look feminine and harmonious enough not to stand out in a negative way – even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a cisgender (genetic) woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU!
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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Since I transitioned 3 years ago, I now live full time as a woman and yes, passing matters greatly to me because I no longer have the luxury to retreat back to male preentation. Trans women who do not pass are still women but I have been involved in the trans community for a long time and see the horrible things they deal with because of the pervasive prejudice in our society and it breaks my heart. My goals from the beginning were to live as my authentic self but also to pass because I just want my life to be simple. I don’t want to face hostility and judgment when I go to the store to buy milk, I just want to buy the milk. I don’t want to be threatened (as I was several times in early transition) so that I have to be afraid to walk out my door. I just want the same life everyone else has so I don’t tell casual acquaintances I am trans, only people I know and trust. My medical history is no one’s business but mine. I usually pass now and it makes my life easier though I am sure some people realize I’m trans so yes, passing is very important to me. We shouldn’t have to pass to be seen as women but we live in a prejudiced world against girls like us and passing goes a long way toward making our lives easier which is why any surgery or anything else that makes us more able to do that is always a great idea.
I definitely make it my goal to be as passable as I possibly can be, this includes hair and makeup, accessories, outfit for the occasion (shoes and purse included); but above all, remembering to keep my movements fluid and graceful, and not forgetting to smile.
Here is a couple of pictures of my latest outfit. I hope you like them. 🙂
Pic #2
Blending in is what I try and do. I live full time as a woman, but I know that people do recognize that I am actually a male. Still people will treat me with respect, call me Mamm or Miss. I go to church enfemme, I help with a food bank enfemme, I use the ladies room, I have rode both city and interstate buses enfemme. If people recognize I am actually male, I really don’t care as long as they treat me with respect. If they ask, well I am happy to educate.
I have no problem walking around. Walking tall, head up. I’m still waiting to set up my first appt to get started on HRT. I’m hoping September well be my start to the new/true me. The hardest thing however I’d have to say with passing, for me personally, is voice. I’ll walk around, do whatever in a crowd of people. But I always have to have a friend to buy things, there are times I’m SO passable that when I do have those moments where I speak to buy something, their eyes go wide. While I’m glad I can pass that makes me feel good, but then there’s that reaction. Or going through drive thru, place my order, pull up to the window, get the wide eyes, person disappears and then get the random heads peeking around the corner at me through the drive thru window. You know darn all that the person tending the window went back and went “OMG there’s a guy dressed as a woman in the drive thru”…but I’d love to be able fully pass one day. Sorry that’s so drawn out lol. Much love ladies!
Muah!
Ava
I voted that I try and pass. My view is actually much closer to try and blend. At the same time I wear short skirts. Because I have great legs. So that may no be a in my favor to pass or blend. BTW I do not wear outrageously short skirts. Just shorter than the business style. Today I am happy just being me and living in both worlds is a blessing not a curse. I try ans so that confidence not matter how I am dressed.
Hi Paula May– I am with you. I feel you are pretty it matters more when you feel connected to you core. With that said, your assets well are your assets that you take to the street and this gives you the feeling to touch that special place and feminiessence than even genetic women can not even see to find. So, you are vender gifted dear and I luv your name. You are a princess! Kristine Anne ultrakw77.tumblr.com
I mostly try to present myself in a classy way. Even when I dress casual I take the time to put together a nice look. I’m not sure if people recognize that I am a cross dresser or think I am a transexual or if I pass. But when they see me I hope to gain the publics respect and hopefully more people will get use to the Transgender community in our society. If I dressed like a hooker or like a teenager when I’m 50 something or looked foolish or acted ridicules, I will never gain any respect. I have seen TG’s that I would have been embarrassed to be associated with by the way they acted. So far, people have been polite and friendly most of the time with me and that makes me feel successful to represent our Transgender community.
Tina
Hi. We are about the same. Both 50’s same style of dress. But you are gorgeous. I tend to stand out, but those who have met me accept me as I am. Only once has anyone made derogatory remarks toward me.
Anyway just wanted to say how beautiful you are.
Hi Tina– Luv your look as this is my approach as well! ultrakw77.tumblr.com xo Kristine Anne
Last week I had 2 unfortunate encounters. The first was from someone who was with his girlfriend. He took one look at me and shouted loud enough to raise the dead, “That’s A Dude!!!!” Most times I just shrug it off but because of his immaturity and ignorance I snapped back and said, “So? Why are you judging me?” He said he wasn’t judging me but God will. I said then let God judge me and keep your mouth shut. The second encounter was the very next day, I was waiting for a bus at a stop light and this car pulled up with the windows rolled down. Inside the car the passenger pointed his finger at me and said I was a freak, I should be shot and he would be more than happy to shoot me. I was angry at first so I flipped him the bird (not very ladylike I know) then I got scared. Fortunately they drove off but I keep wondering…what if?? Today I was called ma’am 3 times on different occasions and although 1 time an ignoramus yelled out to me, “Bruce Jenner.” I just kept on walking past him as though he didn’t exist. Wish I could do that to all who can’t keep their rude mouth shut. It hurts that today in 2015 people still go out of their way to make themselves look bigger by making fun of the differences of others.
P.S. this is my most recent photo of me.
I am transgender, there’s no going back for me.
I look forward to the day I come out, I’ve still got some pieces
to put together.
There is one thing us T.G women have to think of > if we don’t
want to be insulted, we must present ourselves in such a way
that we don’t insult other people by looking ridiculous.
We will eventually get acceptance if we display the dignity and
integrity required of a woman.