“Passing as a woman” is the Holy Grail for many crossdressers and transgender women.
But is it really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of not “passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it… it’s not always easy!
It could take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and presenting yourself as a woman. You might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
That means that unless you plan to live as a woman full time, trying to become 100% passable just isn’t practical.
Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look feminine and harmonious enough not to stand out in a negative way – even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a cisgender (genetic) woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU!
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
Loading ...
Lucille,
you are absolutely and essentially right (as always :)).
For me, it is even more thrill to go out in public as a man in dress (heels, nylons, makeup …:)).
Not that I do not like to pass fully. However, as you rightly point it out it is not very easy and possible all the time.
Besides, many GGs do not look nice or feminine due to their deportment, temperament, mood, upraising. A crossdresser (me!) should be much more pleasant appearance if well tempered and well aligned even if obviously being a male. At least to a normal, balanced person.
My limited experience proves what you say that most people do not care or make fuss. Basically, the only relatively consistent group of people who react in a negative and sometimes unpleasant way are teenage girls.
As a rule, as if having a “TG radar” they would “look through” me regardless how good am I in that moment in passing as a woman. They usually whisper and point their fingers or throw glances, giggle, sometimes frown. I was lucky that this was the worst that happened to me, but still is never pleasant. I always have a feeling they might become aggressive if I stay around for too long.
And I still haven’t developed my reaction towards them that would make me feel secure and safe. So far, I just ignore them, show them that I noticed them but pretend there is nothing to notice and try to go on my business. But I do not feel at ease nor do I look forward to such encounters.
Dusty
I’ve always felt I am female but family help me to male virtues and belief system. If I acted the way I felt I was usually beaten. I am now 60 yrs old, 2 yrs ago I came out and it feels good but doctors say I am too old to take estrogen and it would probably harm me so they won’t let me. So, I guess I am just wearing women’s clothing and can not go any further. I’m not ashamed of who I am, I love who I am even if others do not accept or will not let me progress with what I am.
Thank you, for letting me voice. Hurts sometimes.
Hi Dana.
So Dr,s say your to old to take E on what grounds did they do a full blood test for that and would harm you so what about your own body making E .
So what did they really say on the matter, whats you read outs , okay with out knowing your history I would not say its a yes or no. and youv not given any info concerning your self I would like to see the report if they gave you one ,.I,v been around meds / drugs for some 42 years im 69 and on E for me its for my body maintance though my body could change that and go with out , what im getting at is know your body and how it works as I do, then look at all the factors involved was that done ,
If you need help and would give me all info I would need then email me , can I say some GP,s and Dr,s have no idear what they are really talking about, so don’t give up yet . I have back up and have people who do know what they are on about, plus my own expeance ,
Noeleena@slingshot.co.nz.
…Noeleena…
I’m 74 and taking 4mg sublingual estradiol; have been taking it for years at a lower dose. Love the effects, not aware of any harm except possible reduction in sex drive, but that could be age and the lack of the right partner (any partner, currently). Beware uninformed doctors; choose a doctor who has recent information about trans issues; the estrogen harm story came from a study that used non-biodentical estrogen. Good luck!
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry you had to go through so much. You are a brave woman!
Hi Lucille honey now I’m concerned a little about passing with my background although you say it’s possible and I believe that I’m not all that manly anyway my concern is passing a s a biker chick of sorts it is kind of my style or more how I hope my style will allow if I’m passable enough I’m a drafter by trade at least and a little bit of a biker although I don’t have bike I kind of want one or more to the point I want to build one but not exactly more green eco friendly but I better stop there I’ve probably already said too much but we girls like to talk don’t we Love M.J.
As an older transsexual I obviously want to look my best but I’m never going to be ‘Miss America’. If ‘blending in’ means being accepted as the woman I am at first (or even second) glance I’m thrilled. The fact is if someone is going to judge me solely by the way I dress or look then I am living for “them”, not me. Regardless, I am the person the universe wants me to be and living up to that is hard enough without worrying about whether I ‘Stand Out’ or ‘Blend In.’
Hi Lucille I’m having so much trouble getting to my email account everyday day its a struggle once there I don’t have much trouble but sometimes if I submit comment I get knocked off so hopefully I’ll get to stay here another day passes I did at least get some exercise today I think I’m starting to lose some weight Love M.J.
Hi Again Lucille I just watched the entire show “I am Cait” I realize it was the first show and hopefully it will get better not that it wasn’t good I just think it is such a wonderful thing that Caitlyn is trying to be a spokesperson for all of us in the transgender community it’s a daunting task she didn’t have to accept that she is a very very special person so inspiring to all of us it goes beyond words she feels so much of what so many of us go through it is such a struggle all the self doubt self analysis all of us are so different in so many ways yet we all share a common challenge each in our own way it is very difficult to put into words for me I hope to get better at it myself I hope I find the help I need even I’m not sure exactly what to ask for its all such new territory for me I know what I want to do basically but that is about as far I’ve gotten so far my plan is very sketchy at best I truly need to find a therapist if I can even afford one with what I’m going to be bringing in a month it’s all seems a little far away so to speak you are also a big help to me and so many others you too are so very very special to so many I can only hope you feel all the love so many of us have for you Love M.J.
Hi Lucille honey I just caught the tail end of “I am Cait” and I want to catch the entire show what I saw was very touching partly with Caitlin herself and the teen suicide’s she’s bringing to light both parts are very close to home for me as I too thought many times in the past of taking my own life but then I always had someone else to think about which always helped me stop thinking about those things I had a son even though he wasn’t a part of my life for many years after my wife and I reunited I’m glad I never took my own life as I got to meet my son at age 22 it is sad how things turned out for he and I as someone taught him to hate me because of my crossdressing we still don’t get along even after his mother’s passing he had quit coming to see her because of how he felt about me which broke his mothers heart she had grown very angry at him for the way he felt which caused many of the problems which led to my wife’s passing as she was very depressed I too have trouble understanding the amount of anger my son has I wish I could speak more with him I miss him he is all I have left of the love his mother and I shared for each other maybe someday he will outgrow the anger is all the hope I have for he and I anger can eat you up inside I wish he could see that anyway I’m glad I can come here and talk or at least get it out of me it helps me cope with all the pain I’m experiencing at times I’m fighting tears right now I know I don’t have to but I’m tired of crying I’ve done enough of that already it does hurt so bad but I know I must move forward as hard as it is at times Love M.J.
I recently found out that my brother in law is homosexual. I’ve suspected this for over 20 years, but never got any confirmation until recently. I would LOVE to come out and let him know that I crossdress! I know he’ll keep a secret, but knowing his partner, I’m not so sure:( If my secret got back to the family, it would be devasting.
That being said, I have to think that his ‘gaydar’ has picked up on me and that might have lead to our great relationship all these years. My perception is that I have always been a great father and husband and that I am first and foremost concerned about family.
No one knows about my alter ego except for a few anonymous people in places I used to travel. That’s thesad part for me…I no longer get to travel overnight anymore. Many of ya’ll dress when on the road and I have been no exception. I would dress every night on the road and in the last 4 years have met many wonderful accepting people at places on the road. I’m am just dieing to get out again! I would love to travel to his location dressed as Anita and join in the festivities that I suspect are part of his lifestyle!
He left for home today and my wife is out of town tonight; I was wanting to invite him over for a cigarette and dress up as Anita so he could see that I am comfortable with his/our lifestyle choice. Maybe next time!