“Passing as a woman” is the Holy Grail for many crossdressers and transgender women.
But is it really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of not “passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it… it’s not always easy!
It could take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and presenting yourself as a woman. You might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
That means that unless you plan to live as a woman full time, trying to become 100% passable just isn’t practical.
Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look feminine and harmonious enough not to stand out in a negative way – even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a cisgender (genetic) woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU!
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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I have been a crossdresser for a long time but its only in the past few years i have ventured outside. So far i have only found a positive reaction. Get out and be happy people ard not as bad as you think but you will never find out unless you take that first step.
Bueno Chicas y Chicos, He leído mucho mas no lo suficiente y creo saber que todo hombre tiene su hembra dentro, es indudable pero el problema trans es que no hay como saber si es esa hembra la que se esta manifestando o es una hembra total la que esta dentro, sin macho pero habiendo nacido con manifestaciones físicas de macho o es la hembra de todo hombre que se quiere manifestar por alguna construcción social. Ninguna de las dos es mala, pero las hembras encerradas tienen un verdadero problema por que para unas y otras ser hembra es una dura tarea. Las mujeres son seres excepcionales, heroínas de la vida y quien simplemente se desdobla simplemente se acepta, pero las hembras encerradas en cuerpos ajenos saben de la dura tarea y nunca estarán satisfechas con sigo mismas sino hasta que sean tan hembras que serán madres. Ese es el secreto de ser mujer!
I pass most of the time but not always. If someone is familiar with trans people they can often tell after a bit and some people see it right away but most don’t. I do actually want to pass 100% of the time because, let’s face it, most people will never see us as women if we don’t. They half-accept us, critique us or don’t accept us at all but still usually don’t see us as women and I hate that. If passability is the only way I will ever be accepted as a woman, then I hate to say it, but I have to figure out how to pass all the time. The fact that anyone can figure it out makes me want to cry because it means that there are some male attributes that I haven’t been able to. I am in the process of figuring out deep stealth because if possible, I want to do it and be free of the bs that defines my life right now because people know.
When a person reaches her 50’s or older before she takes the first real step toward outward feminization, she is most likely going to find it difficult to pass unless she has been very fortunate.
I’m one of those older girls who has to work with a body that has been subjected to years of testosterone-ridden maleness and it’s not easy reconciling the outward appearance with the person inside. At times my thoughts ask me question after question.
“Should I forgo makeup as a way of making myself more outwardly feminine?”
“Are my shoulders and torso so obviously male that I will only ever be a caricature of my hopes and aspirations?”
I admit that it is not at all simple in a society that places so much importance on appearance, where advertising and the media define “beauty” and bombard us with so many images of “perfection” and the tools with which to become attractive.
Not many of us have the resources to undergo surgery, even if we were willing to do so or if there were no risks to our health as “senior citizens”.
Deep down, though, there’s a solid core of resilience that tells us no matter what we must be who we are. I wish that our society didn’t see so many things through a monochrome filter. That I didn’t invite open ridicule or even risk my own safety by going about my ordinary business in a pretty dress. A teenage person might find it easy to pass as an attractive young girl and never experience that quite so much. At the other end of the spectrum, it’s distilled irony that a muscular macho male might be able to wear feminine clothing in public and never be at personal risk.
But most of us are somewhere in between.
We might be living with an unrequitable yearning to be outwardly who we are inside, frustrated at every turn. For me, sometimes, the only reason I can hold on to that strong conviction no matter what is because I know there are others like me who know and never put a stumbling block in my way.
Dear Hazel,
Your article expresses very much how I feel, the last paragraph especially. I have recently suffered from depression and in emerging from the illness I have realised that I want to live more as me rather than how people think I should. I have made some changes to the style of clothes I wear, though not my behaviour.
In my fifties now I am not even considering passing. I feel confident in wearing the clothes that I want a little more each time I try a new effect. Many people have commented and asked questions, some complemented, about my boots, long tops or accessories. It is hard to appear even androgynous, let alone feminine. I look more a man with a growing outlandish taste in clothes.
Friends know that I can be quite individualistic. Some have teased and bantered with me. I have always had the conference to enjoy banter. A few have said that they don’t mind this, but can’t take that. A previous colleague asked some deep questions of me, to which I gave straight answers, which she then reported back to her friends. My family have said little and I do not want them to feel uncomfortable.
I have fifty years of being the character I present. I think my changes need to be a development. I am that middle ground you have expressed.
Kind regards,
Hywel.
Lucille:
You are most helpful to many of us that struggle. I’m in my late 70’s. I don’t ever expect to be in public, but with your help, I have surprised myself at the level of commitment to a feminine life in private and even wearing low profile female outer wear in public which surprises me.
Celeste
i have been able to past as a woman for a while. after having the 40 year spread. 18 in. bye seps. and bit of a belly. but when i was in my 20s i had a girlfreind after getting me hooked had me grow my hair and maid sure that i could not wear anything other then nylon panties. she even gotten erbal hormones. i did not think it did any thing to me but i was skinny and did not have much muscal i looked great in a dress. then we started to take weekend trips as girlfreinds. at first i was so scared , but as time went on i stated to love it. we even took a week to florida and did not have 1 pair of pants. even womens just dresses and skirts. we tanned at the pool every day i ended up with tan lines from my 2 piece swim suites. it was a shame that we ended that relationship but i thought she was going all the way and trap me as a woman.
Hi Lucille honey well I’m a little upset I think I’ve lost my girlfriend but I had to tell her how I felt I’ve been totally honest with her all along I’m not sure why she’s upset but so am I I’ve been explaining everything as much as possible it’s too bad if she’s gone we were really getting close but oh well life goes on after losing my wife this is easier I only knew her online no major attatchment yet a good thing I guess she’s not talking to me so who knows might blow over anyway I’ll miss her anyway that’s about it for now I just had to tell someone Love MJ ❤
I don’t think I’ve ever been fully a man. But maybe an inbetweener that likes to be both in a non sexual manner. I recently watched “the Danish girl” and I was shortly reminded how thrilling it was one time when nobody truly thought I was what I was. I dressed casually but pretty. With my skinny appearance, makeup, high heels and a coat to cover my dress that also dimmed down my otherwise masculine features. I usually avoid the possibility of having to walk alone as most of us know it can be pretty dangerous around the wrong alleys. this time though I had no choice and had to get home by myself via the subway stations, I thought to myself I could very well be stabbed at any given moment. I put on my rather large sunglasses and somehow I wasn’t even noticed. That was singularily the best experience I’ve had in my entire life, considering that no matter how I dressed at other times I’d have children ask me if I was a boy or a girl, never really felt like I fit in with a gender. But it was nice to actually feel normal, even for a moment.
If I can pass, so can you. That’s what I believe now xD