“Passing as a woman” is the Holy Grail for many crossdressers and transgender women.
But is it really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of not “passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it… it’s not always easy!
It could take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and presenting yourself as a woman. You might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
That means that unless you plan to live as a woman full time, trying to become 100% passable just isn’t practical.
Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look feminine and harmonious enough not to stand out in a negative way – even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a cisgender (genetic) woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU!
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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Hi, I am a married man and I have been secretly crossdressing for years. My wife doesn’t know and it’s not an option to tell her. Lately The urge of wear women’s cloths skirts panties heels ectopic. Has been very strong. I have decided to feminized myself as much as possible and maybe that will be enough for me.Hopefully she won’t notice when my breast start growing. I just needed to say that to someone instead of holding it inside,thank you.
I’ve been cross dressing for about a year and a half now, but ever since I was little I loved wearing women’s clothes. It is very important for me to pass as a woman. I’m finally finding the person I really am, so that’s why it’s important to me to be passable.
The saddest thing is that I know I am not female. Not matter what I do, no matter what I wish, I was just not born with those genetics and those hormones and there is nothing I can do about it. I can go through the hoops, try to make whatever chemical changes the medical profession will allow, but I was born with male organs and a female brain and mind and feelings and basically just everything. I cannot reinvent history. I wish I was born otherwise, but I wasn’t. It is tough coming to terms with this but I am getting there. I am no woman but I am no man either. I just want to be me. I don’t want to “pass”. I don’t want to pretend. Maybe some day society will understand.
Thank you for saying this so well. I feel and understand everything you just said here. Well put… So now, what do we do about it. How do we move on with our lives.?
i have had the same issue, feel most of us do. I just want to be able to taste the full meal deal thats the best to hope for in this life
Alannah, I too wish I was female but when I have the time to slip into something very elegant and sexy and admire myself in the mirror I feel so happy when I get comments on how I look from genetic women. So sweetie, we may not be ladies by birth but we are certainly are by our feelings and actions. Am sure I would love to go to dinner with you or have a girly day at least hun 🙂
I think your comments on blending in are pretty close to the mark. It’s the best I can expect. I do get verbally abused quite often when I’m out of the house, and over the years it has made me a bit agoraphobic. I just carry pepper spray, and hope for the best.
I am 57 years old, over 6ft tall and over 300 lbs. I don’t believe I could ever pass as a woman and that if I tried, the result would look tragic and pathetic. Instead, I aim to dress myself as tastefully and age appropriately as possible in clothes that fit my body correctly as is, and try to dress appropriately for the situation I am entering. So, I ask myself “what would a real women wear for this?” So no over dressing and nothing too revealing.
Of course, men avoid acknowledging me, but I get compliments from women all the time. I’m not fooling anyone. I use the ladies fitting rooms in the dress shops, and mens washrooms. IMHO, if crossdressers want to be more accepted, they should own who they really are and let the public see that we are out there, that we are not freaks, and that nothing bad happens when a man wears a dress.
I think of being “recognized as female” rather than “passing,” and “recognized as transgender” instead of being “read.” I am who am am 100% of the time, and it happens that I am a woman (it just took me much longer to blossom into myself).
I am a *woman* and *this* is my body.
I am a woman whether or not I have the clothes, the name, the legal recognition, the approval or recognition of others, the hormones or surgery – all these things affirm my womanhood, but did not make this female person into one.
I recognize that I am a blend of sex and gender attributes, and that my gender identity is female. So for me, I am my best and most comfortable self, expressed as a woman. But I recognize that I am not a natal woman, yet I was not really a natal man either: I am “other,” I am transgender; I occupy the blurry space between transsexual and intersex and this will always be apparent in my body if you look hard enough…
…Still, I make it easy for people, and whether they know me to be trans or not, I am almost universally treated as a woman.
Wow! You said it all.
Brittany knows I love her! It’s important for me to pass because I live and work full-time. However, I am just now getting to the point where I can afford some of the things like facial feminization surgery and some breast augmentation. Up until this point, I’m a good example of your initial advice, Lucille. I work very hard to just blend in, I’ve worked on my voice for years, and I’m able to go about my life with a great deal of happiness, joy and confidence all the time. I think those last three things are the most important things any of us need in order to pass… and they only come through the trial and error of the experiences of “Just doing it” and from being known and valued for your true self. It won’t happen overnight.
Forgot the photo part…
I used to believe that in order to be feminized completely I would have to be ultra passable. I realize as I have gotten older that belief just isn’t so. I have learned that I am the only one I have to please. I concentrate mostly on just being my best feminine self and not worrying about the rest. Inward beauty is as important to me as outward beauty. I am always delighted when someone comments on my inward beauty coming out.
Hi Lucille,
Goals like passing fem are mostly failure in daily living. Your article suggested moderate exposure not to the point of embarrassment.
For myself i can only dream about it.
Love and good luck to all the girls,hope to run into you.
Hally