“Passing as a woman” is the Holy Grail for many crossdressers and transgender women.
But is it really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of not “passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it… it’s not always easy!
It could take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and presenting yourself as a woman. You might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
That means that unless you plan to live as a woman full time, trying to become 100% passable just isn’t practical.
Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look feminine and harmonious enough not to stand out in a negative way – even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a cisgender (genetic) woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU!
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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Cross dressing is a newer experience for me , but at age 56 passing in public is very important – I do have a makeup professional that is critical. I also had professional photo shoot recently too. Here’s a sample photo of that – I felt so confident!! I can share more if anyone’s interested!
Cross dressing is a newer experience for me , but at age 56 passing in public is very important – I do have a makeup professional that is critical. I also had professional photo shoot recently too. Here’s a sample photo of that – I felt so confident!! I can share more if anyone’s interested!
Jen,
you look amazing, I too have trouble learning
how to do makeup right, its not as easy as I thought
it would be,,, wow,,,,
I am around your age my skin is still in pretty good shape
but have gone thru so many different makeup
arrangments, still challenged by it, is it expensive to
have someone do your makeup professionally?
Thanks for any help.
thanks so much
Nails are also very important to me so as you can see I have those done perfectly as well!!!
Here’s a few more pics!! No way could I do makeup like this so I don’t even try lol!!
My makeup artist is $100. Basically same as she would charge to do a woman for a photoshoot, wedding etc. I found her thru thumbtack!!
I love the way your makeup was done. Please feel free to share more pictures if you
wish. luv you Lisa
Beautiful! I wish I could do my make up that well .
Yes absolutely – that’s why I never even try. I found my makeup artist through thumbtack and she’s been a life changer for me!!
very nice
Thank you! Here’s another from that same session!!
Blending is a form of passing in my opinion. It seems like one of the biggest mistakes girls make is not dressing for the occasion. I have been guilty of this in the past but now when I am out during the day I dress professionally in either a skirt suit or skirt with a blouse. I am definitely on the dressier side but certainly not looking like I am about ready to go to a club and go dancing either. The light bulb clicked for me when I saw a GG at a grocery store on her way to go clubbing. She just stood out. If a GG is going to stand out then so will I.
I am too tall to pass all the time (6’2″) but I find when I have a confident walk (my friend says I strut) and smile at people it helps. Now, there are times when I am nervous, but I just do my best to channel my inner confidence, smile and be proud of who I am. If someone doesn’t like it….that is their problem not mine.
With all said, I will continue to refine my look and look for ways to pass more. Going to MAC and getting make up lessons has been very helpful.
Sorry for the ramble….positive thoughts to all!!
Nicole
I have no problem blending, in fact I totally love being out in the mainstream daytime or night time. I just had to learn makeup skills, practice speaking like a woman, the movements, etc and being careful not to wear over the top drag queen clothing and it’s easily done. Having a continuously increasing rack thanks to
Lucille & real hair doesn’t hurt either.
Lucille,
Since I was a very young boy and began dressing, I had a desire to be in “public” and be seen as female. For years I dressed in private and on occasion would go for a drive hoping to “pass”. A few years ago I found your site. Your wonderful tips and the encouraging comments posted here, helped me decide, go out and “blend” and have fun. My first time going out, was wonderful….I followed your advice and did not go over the top with my look. I went to the mall, and had so much fun, I did not want to go home. I encourage other ‘girls’ dress to blend in and go let your female side have fun..
You will be so happy that you did not give up on your dream to be seen female.
Have fun dressing!
Barbara Jane Weston
Dearest Lucille,
Once again you have typed so much helpful information in such a loving and concise article. Passing “is” Blending-In regardless of gender.
In high school not many people have the tremendous courage it takes for one to stand out. My children dress daily to fit-in and not stand out from the crowd. I do not see this as a weekness. Rather I submit they are independants, socially aware of their station, and prefer the ease of navigating the halls efficiently.
To dress or not to dress for public is not really the subject; it’s how to dress. I contend when our cis-sisters get ready, they are amping up their presence with respect to their public appearance. If a lady is going to wear sweats and sports bra to work out, she may dangle and earing, have light natural touch of make up, but that’s usually it. The same goes for an elegant evening out, especially when romance is a consideration. From serious shaving to a hyper-sexed glam look, a lady usually puts her best effort forward. Even her lingerie has been carefully selected to enhance her body and do you think a push-up branand pads may find their way into the club? Lol
As transgendered women we must be willing to understand and consider these same princeples as you so elequently share so frequently with us.
Thank you Angel for your sweet compassion. Your thoughts and words are making a difference in this girl’s life.
Peace be with you Lucille,
Stephanie
These
These picture are from yesterday’s shopping excursion. Pairing the new white top with a pair shorts was a first for me. LOVE, PS
Hi Lucille
Thank you for all the really helpful things you continue to put on your website, which I find are a great help and comfort to older transgender women like me. The latest issue about ‘passing’ has always been an important goal to me as, at the best of times, my confidence and self-esteem is not always the highest and being accepted by everyone I come into contact with as a woman makes me feel, well just me and perfect! I have had the experience (over the telephone) of being accused of ‘being a bloke’ by some young man cold calling me about some product or service that I didn’t want. I was so embarrassed that I burst into tears and put the phone down quickly. I suppose with hindsight I should perhaps have been a bit more assertive and asked for an apology for his unprofessional customer attitude, but at the time I just needed to jump into a large hole to hide myself. Fortunately this situation has never happened to me whilst out and about as Gracie, but if it ever did I would be so mortified and my confidence and self-esteem shattered, that there wouldn’t be a dark hole big enough for me to jump into! So that’s why I voted yes, that my goal is to be as passable as possible, in your recent poll. I hope the above little note is helpful and thank you once again for all your helpful advice.
Lot & hugs
Gracie x
one last interesting observation was during a visit at my HMO waiting for my patches I observed what was a man wearing a nice black dress . He made no effort at all, he was a dude in a dress. the interesting part was nobody seemed to notice but me. So how are we suppose know if we pass if this happens, what if its the way of the times, and the only thing that really matters is just ” LOOKIN GOOD” the people out there dont hold up cards with numbers on them as you walk by. So my goal is to become a lady with class. I'[m sure I pass just fine , i like it when I get comments from a GG about my outfit . i believe i have good taste, this matters to me more then blending in, it’s capturing the true girl in yourself and putting her to work.
annie