“Passing as a woman” is the Holy Grail for many crossdressers and transgender women.
But is it really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of not “passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it… it’s not always easy!
It could take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and presenting yourself as a woman. You might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
That means that unless you plan to live as a woman full time, trying to become 100% passable just isn’t practical.
Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look feminine and harmonious enough not to stand out in a negative way – even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a cisgender (genetic) woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU!
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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>>The happiest transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Agreed. This is completely true in my experience as well.
>>Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the transgendered woman that you are!
So true…
I’ve been living full-time since Dec ’09. Working on feminine posture, feminine movement, and using your tips on smiling have have been the greatest influence in “passing”. I was a bit shocked when I began to pass. Wow! What a rush!! Being seen as the woman I have always felt myself to be was a level of public acceptance that I never anticipated yet always hoped for.
Is passing important to me now? Yes, and no. Yesterday I knew I would be in-town all day. It was my first time to leave my home without any makeup or a padded bra. Why? Because I am a woman. Some people will see that and some will not, but their opinions don’t make me less of a woman. I was treated with kindness and respect everywhere I went including retail shopping. I did get a few extended looks, but I smiled at them and projected the love in my heart through my eyes and my self-confidence in my own womanhood.
Typically a “read” is felt somewhat like a kick in the stomach as a person seems to glare at you with an expression that says, “I know you are a fake.” No one looked at me with that somewhat hostile look. They simply went to back to whatever they were doing.
It was a highly gratifying day. It didn’t have the same drug like elation as a day of passing most everywhere I went, but it was deeply affirming and gratifying in a way that “passing” has never provided.
I will most likely have FFS and SRS, but I don’t need those procedures to live my life as the woman I am.
Blending in is huge. Women come in all shapes and sizes. Being able to blend in is passing to me. When I go to a restaurant or similarly public place without being “singled out” by people’s stares and I’m treated as a lady the entire time I’m there I consider that “passing.” When my interactions with a another person include a total acceptance as a genetic female I consider that “passing plus”.
I wish you all the best.
Amen, sister!!!!
it is so imporant to pass as a t girl you fill better !it’t like school and you got your report card c’s are b are better !!!! you might just meet the person of your dreams or date m/f ! i dress now on a reg base girls give me compliments if i feel really comfortable i ask the to go on a date !!!!! my fantasy have come true several times thanx linda you are a sweetie
love hug and kisses !thanks again
Hi Stepanie
You look great and sexy honey
xxx Mona
Dear Lucille
While I strive to be prettier than passable and to
have everyone believe I was born a genetic girl, whats most
important to me is that I get to have SRS plump breasts
and as close to an hour glass figure as possible,and complete hair removal,every thing else I can spend the rest of my life working on and be happier than I’ve ever been In almost 50 years. The only thing that bothers me when I’m in public is
that I live in a rural area where a lot of christians live and meth addicts live, and me the only tgirl who’s disability means
I cannot defend myself or run away,other than a possible threat of harm,I don’t care what other people think and since
breast are a little more than visible theirs no hiding for me now. Lynda
Passing ? ……..Very important to me.I feel that I am not doing real girls justice if I do not make the full effort.But really its all about the situation of were you are or are going to be.If Im going shopping for then the heels are out! I gess I try to to just what all the RGs do everyday(Yes I know it sounds like blending in)
I try to blend in. If I don’t it really does not matter. I am who I am and if someone has a problem with me it is their problem, not mine.
Hi
Sometimes I can go incredibly well. Some guys will be happy when they see my picture on a dating site
When they read my text that I am a transgender, they wonder if I mess around with them.
I started with Lucille feminine convert two years ago. I live like a woman 24 / 7 over the past year. I have changed names. new passports and driving licenses.
But still, I have a long road ahead to be like a real woman.
HI Lucille, I love my self as a woman and will not go back as a man. I feel I do ok out in public. Thanks Lucille, Love Rebecca Lee.
For me anyway it is a big deal! I am way to masculine looking! I need to lose weight desperately and after seeing a counselor for a year (wanted to take hormones) he said, “You know, I understand your desire to be feminine and even be a woman but I have to be honest with you, You would make a very unattractive looking woman!” I was devastated and cried and felt humiliated! I have now since resorted to going back in the closet! My breasts are growing with little or no increase in nipple or areola size. I am so frustrated! 30 years living with female inside my heart and soul and male outside! I have started to take anti depressants! I want to be like a girl!
I am not a therapist! I am a similarly masculine trans-woman. I bolstered my masculine appearance to hide my feminine feelings my entire life. I started transitioning at age 42. I have seen 12 therapists in my lifetime in regards to my feelings about being a woman. Only two of the therapists knew anything about gender issues.
Working with a therapist that doesn’t understand gender issues can be positively fatal. It is not depression, it may look the same to others, but it is completely different. Anti-depressants will only mask the symptoms for a while. You need a qualified therapist that understands what you are going through.
In my experience even a single milligram of estrogen will completely remove the “depression” within 20 minutes.
This page gives a good educational overview.
Please love and accept yourself with full respect for who you feel yourself to be. The “closet” is not the answer. You deserve to be happy, fulfilled, and you have the right to be yourself. Please seek qualified assistance.
I was in therapy for quite a while before I came out of the closet. Was outing myself scary? Heck yes it was. Was it worth it? Absolutely!!! Were my friends, family, and coworkers surprised? Yes they were. I had lived my life 100% closeted. Did any of them stop loving and caring for me? Not one! My friends and family are closer now than they’ve ever been. The love I feel from them is profound. Your strength will give others tremendous courage.
Two acquaintances of all the people I know simply couldn’t handle it. They may come around eventually, but I don’t care one way or the other. It’s their loss not mine.
I am happier now than I have ever been in my life. You deserve to be happy!! Please, please, please get qualified assistance.
Lovingly, Dana.
I thought becoming a woman would be absolutely impossible. Now I pass most of the time when I’m fully dressed. This is what I looked like when I started…
By the time the FFS is done and I’ve done more work on my voice I suspect that I will pass 99.9% of the time.
Good luck!!
Have no fear Erica. Your therapist is the biggest jerk on the planet. You are what you feel yourself to be. It took me at least three months of living full-time to begin accepting my own womanhood enough to blend in. Look at women in the real-world vs TV stars and cover models. You are a far more attractive woman than most. Follow your heart. You will become more feminine with each passing day. Believe in yourself and get a therapist that understands basic human decency and gender issues. It takes study, practice, and fearless dedication to becoming the person you feel yourself to be. The rest will follow.