“Passing as a woman” is the Holy Grail for many crossdressers and transgender women.
But is it really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of not “passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it… it’s not always easy!
It could take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and presenting yourself as a woman. You might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
That means that unless you plan to live as a woman full time, trying to become 100% passable just isn’t practical.
Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look feminine and harmonious enough not to stand out in a negative way – even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a cisgender (genetic) woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU!
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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At time I do pass and other times I feel they kind of know, nevertheless I carry myself as a lady at all times no matter what people think. I always get comments as how are you doing mam, or can I get the door for you miss. I have a tendency to turn heads so they can check me out. And if they can check me I’m still pulled together…more so they the average woman. And I have felt the hater engery from other women.
I have many times had men coming to flirt with me…and I just love it. I stand 6/2 with out my shoes and weight 200 lbs. But its all in wearing the clothes that compliment your built, how you wear your make up to fit in and blend, and letting your fem engery just glow. Be who you are and shine.
Hi.
Inside I am 100% woman, outside, I am working on.It is and feels
great to be a woman. It is me , love it
Love
Natasha
Thank you Lucille for putting it in ink. It would be nice to pass as a woman, I’m there however, it shouldn’t mean everything. I’ve a tendency to obsess on this topic and recently I’ve finally acknowledged my obsessive views.
Lucille, I’m so appreciative for the truth in this matter. Your very insighful and intelligent regarding passing as a woman, a bright beacon if you will in showing us all what is truly important. love you, gen
You seem to have many friends that are pleased with themselves and lack problems.
I would like to know what to do with a 17+ inch neck?
And jowls. My mouth got the teeth busted out and those damn things have persisted every since.
It may be hopeless.
From my nose to my kneecaps I look like something come to get you for the loan shark. I’m building what improvements I can just to have a better spacesuit. I truly doubt I’ll ever pass, as it were. I just want to lift the icebox AND have nice hooters AND be over 200. I think that’s adjusted….
My biggest concern was passing for the first year or so i was on hrt, now, i want to blend it. I pass, not really an issue. it’s funny that i so desperately wanted to be a “stand out” female, now i am just happy that I blend in, which is not east at 6’2″ barefoot. 🙂
Hi Melanie, I understand your dilema about your height but at 6’2 that is not bad. What is your weight? You are coming along beautifully! How long have you been transitioning? What type of HRT are you taking? I also stand out since I am 4’8 87 lbs. very petite. I am the size of a 9-10 yr old. I have been transitiong for two years and started HRT last year and my hair is about the lengh as yours. It shouldnt be hard to find guys. I have to look up to everybody and I guess being shorter and petite helps. Clothes are a big problem unless I shop for very petite skirts, blouses and dresses. You must have the same problem being tall?
Unless one is a drag queen, I think that if one is to venture out into the public as a woman one should pass. The consequences of not doing so make me shudder.
I am a motivational speaker, addressing women’s gatherings on a regular basis. If I did not pass it would be disastrous.
Samantha
I see great value in your viewpoint Samantha regardless of what others here might say. Passing in public is more important to some girls then others. And in some cases, is a requirement in order to live day to day for their job or other reasons.
Sure…there are those that believe not having to pass is a moral issue. To them? Well, if your having issues passing and it doesnt bother you, great. But if you feel inside you need to pass, who is anyone else to judge you for wanting to appear as natural as any other woman out there…genetic or not.
Wow Samantha, you speak of not passing so grimly! You do realize that MOST people on this blog do not pass a 100% of the time, including yours truly? Your rhetoric is a little too ominous, in my opinion. An example: I don’t always pass, and I’m still in one piece 🙂 Also, I find your use of the word “should” mildly offensive. “Should” has a moral impetus, such as “one ought to,” or “one must” which of course implies that one can if one tries hard enough. There are many, many transwomen who will NEVER pass in spite of great effort. I think that was the whole point of the blog, i.e. don’t get hung up on passing but rather try to blend in–you’ll have more fun!
I for one know that I do not pass most of the time yet that has never stopped me from going out into the world as I want to be seen as. I always get treated with full respect and never have I been outed in public. Small children sometimes question about me to their parents but that is just an exception to the rule. What my trick is attitude and belief in a feminine way not just the appearance. Passing is a mind set 70% of the time and 30% physical
I’ve been waiting a long, long time for someone else to note this for discussion.
As a ts who has been full time for over 15 years, I pass most of the time. I notice, though, that passing matters less and less as I get older.
The way I put it with the younger transgendered I often counsel is this: “PASSING IS MOST IMPORTANT AT THE 7-11!” – and by that I mean that you ought to be able to grab your Big Gulp without harassment. Beyond that – the fact is the better I know you, the more likely it is that we’ve discussed my tg nature. That nature IS part of me – a part I will not deny. I mostly care about passing with those who DON’T know me.
To me being transgendered is about being authentically myself – not about being seen as anything other than myself.
I love me. It’s taken some time to get to that, though…