Embracing your true self as a transgender woman or crossdresser can be challenging to say the least. It’s no surprise that fear often stands in the way of taking the next step!
Have you ever considered what you would do if fear didn’t hold you back?
- Would you plan an exciting femme outing?
- Would you confidently reveal your feminine side to someone significant?
- Would you embrace living as a woman, regardless of naysayers?
We often have a million reasons why we can’t do something – be it our age, family responsibilities, or finances.
But the truth is, it usually boils down to fear.
Are you ready to be fearless? Here are 3 tips to help you conquer your fear so you can confidently express your fabulous female self.
1. Accept Your Fear
What you resist often persists. However, when you accept your fear, it has a peculiar way of losing its grip on you.
Our minds are designed to keep us safe. Facing unknown situations or potential disapproval triggers fear in us by default.
Recognizing fear as a natural biological response can make it easier to accept. Remember, feeling fear doesn’t signify weakness – it just means you’re human!
(Note: I’m not suggesting you ignore fear in situations concerning your physical safety. Always use common sense in these cases.)
2. Replace Your Fear Thoughts
Have you ever worried that something terrible would happen, only to realize it never did? Most fear arises from our thoughts vs. the actual reality of the situation.
You cannot simultaneously think two thoughts. Therefore, if you focus on a positive thought, it becomes impossible to think a negative or fearful one at the same time.
Drowning out your fear thoughts with soothing thoughts can go a long way in helping you deal with your fear. Here are some thoughts to try:
- I deserve this.
- I’ve done harder things before.
- I am stronger than my fear.
3. Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway
There is a book out there called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. I highly recommend you read the book, but the title alone is a great motto to live by.
The core idea is simple yet powerful: the only way to conquer a specific fear is to confront it head-on and take action. Once you do it, there’s nothing left to fear!
Have you ever noticed that the more you avoid something, the scarier it becomes? Avoidance doesn’t dispel fear; it merely builds anticipation, which often proves worse than the actual event.
The more you face your fears and take action despite them, the stronger and more confident you become.
Are you ready to be fearless?
So what would YOU do if you had no fear? Are you willing to take one small step in that direction? As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below!
Love,
Lucille
As for myself, I am a Transgender just broke my 1 year mark on hormones.
I grew up in Northern Ontario, fears kept me from transitioning for a very long time. Due to many fears from rejection, family, friends to society. I found the more time went by where i was playing the role of a man was slowly killing me inside. I finally decided to go into transition and begin the hard journey. I was correct in my fears Family turned on me, lost my friends and society frowned upon me. I was Ridiculed, harassed, beaten on a few occasions and even stabbed. As they say “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” well I must be one tough girl. I ended up moving to the city of Toronto. Life is so much easier now, i realized my big dream of just being me. Society is so much better on me now , still struggling to find employment and feel alone in this huge city. But all and all i have no fear now being me, i ride public transit, subway go wherever i want and shop wherever i want. I am truly enjoying life now.
Danica
I just read your post and congratulate you on your courage. I know it was not easy coming out and can relate to what you have gone through. I am a 64 year old crossdresser from Peterborough who has known since age 5 that I was different. Knowing what I know now I would have transitioned a long time ago.
I have been buying women’s clothes since age 13, dressing and going out full-time since age 20. Saw 2 councillors and 2 doctors between age 18 and 30 all were no help. Met my wife at age 30 kept in secret from her until 8 years ago. It has been a roller coaster ride since and she has finally got her mind wrapped around my need to dress. I have always dressed in androgenous women’s clothing, she never picked up on it and for the last 8 years I am able with her permission to underdress daily, still wear the androgynous clothing including shoes with 2-3 inch heels daily. Just don’t dress fully around the house. If I do then I need to go out which I do. I am out to my sons, daughter, sisters, best friends, and some people in our church. All have no problem except my sons are a little upset.My ears are pierced, wear earrings daily and all hair has been lasered, chest, back, face and legs.
If you are looking for a support group check out transfamily in kingston and look up Ruth Woods or United Church observer in Kingston on the web. Ruth is a united church minister who transitioned 10 years ago while in the pulpit and still lives with his wife, and is supported by her two sons and their wives. Ruth is the leader of the transfamily group.
There is also a night club in Oshawa called 717 Wilson which is geared to the transgender people but a little on the fetish side.
Dani
AND WHEN WE DO FACE OUR FEARS WE LIFT THE SHAME WE’VE CARRIED ALL OUR LIVES. THAT IS THE SWEETEST THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD AND MY LIFETIME. I WISH I COULD HAVE DONE IT EARLIER.
GOING OUT AND BEING WITH OTHERS IS THE STEP THAT STARTS TO LIFT THE FEAR AND THE SHAME AT THE SAME TIME.
I detect a recurring theme, which I concur with 100%. All those fears go away when you act anyway, and the world really doesn’t come crashing down around you. One of my fears was not so much hatred and reprisals, as being laughed at. That didn’t happen either. Well, maybe a little sometimes, and by then I was ready to laugh along with it. If you act friendly and harmless (not necessarily meek, though), and keep smiling, that goes a HUGELY long way. Anyway, you’re right Shirley, since the substance of your fears lives in your head, all it takes is education and attitude to evict it. As cited elsewhere, most police don’t much care if you look differently from what yoiur driver’s license sez, so that’s not likely to be a problem when it happens. By the way, I’m not really afraid to skydive, but it’s WAY low on my priority list. If I ever get around to it, I’ll probably be so brittle by then that I will turn into Humpty-Dumpty! So, don’t let a mere bit of gut-wrenching, fist-clenching, stomach-twisting, sweat-popping, mind-numbing agonizing anxiety slow ya down, go for it, girls!
I’m very glad to see, by the way, that many of you have or are conquering yours fears. You all deserve a big round of applause and here’s your parachute Lucille. lol
Looking back it seems insane. I was so good at making assumptions and almost every one of them almost all my life was dead wrong. I paid a terrible price for these misconceptions, mirages, specters and phantoms of my own creation. I withdrew and resigned myself to being a miserable man hopeless and depressed for more than a decade.
I don’t know why but my mood started to lift and with it came a change in attitude. I got mad. I had had it up to here with the societal norm and conforming to it. I was going to get my Shirley girl self together again and go out whether anybody liked it or not. I started going out again once a month. Fortunately no one was fool enough to say one negative word to me or give me any static because I would’ve handed them their heads verbally on a platter if they did. I had a wonderful time. I’m easily read face to face and especially when I start talking but other than that the public has been effectively oblivious and unconcerned. Everyone else seems to love my cheerful self and welcomes me back.
Went out monthly for about a year then decided I was so happy as Shirley I didn’t want to go back to living as a man. I didn’t and have been living full time as Shirley 8 months now. Transgendered? Yes. Transsexual? No.
My advice. Get mad and go out. Just do it and spare yourself unnecessary pain and frustration.
Sounds radical doesn’t it? Maybe some radical medicine is just what you need. Say ah.
Best wishes and hugs,
Shirley
I really never had any real fear. The day I realized that I was and had always been a female person I never lived another day as a “man.”
Like so many of us – I always knew I was different from other boys and men, and always preferred feminine company. But I was 72 when my liberator showed me the light.
Its been nearly 6 years now, 2 on HRT, and 3 employers who only knew of me as a woman. Twice the Census, and for 3 years the company I am now with. Very few people know I was not born as a girl physically, including a guy that my gf and I picked up to buy us drinks and dessert a few weeks ago.
When she told him I was a transwoman, he told her he wanted to beat me up. Should that cause me fear? It doesn’t. But this irrational hatred toward us and gays and lesbians caused by false religiousity really needs to be put down.
Dear Lucille. Some years ago when I went out shopping for the first time I was very exited en had fears about people discovering me as being a transgender. But nowadays I don’t have fears about it any more. I now think: Well this is the way I am. I’ve hidden it for so many years and thought it was criminal. But it’s not true. I am who I am and can’t and don’t want to change it any more. I just love being transgender. I love to be feminine and I love to dress in nice dresses etc. and I love to feel like a woman.
Thanks for all your help, Lucille.
Sweet greetings Henriette.
Hi I am a 62 I wish i can be a woman i am a sissy crossdresser i love to wear woman panties and bras every day I enjoy and love it I live in ST Louis MO