What would you do if you had NO FEAR?
- Would you plan a fabulous femme outing?
- Would you share your feminine side with somebody important?
- Would you live as a woman full time, haters be damned?
We often have a million reasons why we can’t do something – whether it’s our age, our family obligations, or a lack of money – but the truth is, it usually boils down to FEAR.
Are you ready to be fearless? Here are my best tips for conquering your fear so you can express yourself as the fab female you truly are.
1. Accept your Fear
What you resist persists. But when you accept your fear, it has a funny way of dissipating.
The thing is, our minds are wired to help us survive. Whenever you face an unknown situation – or risk facing disapproval from others – the default response is fear.
Accepting your fear as a built-in biological response also helps you realize that your fear is NOT a sign that you are weak or that you are NOT supposed to do something. (Note: I am not suggesting that you ignore fear when it comes to your physical safety. You should obviously use common sense when putting yourself out there.)
2. Replace Your Fear Thoughts
Have you ever been afraid something terrible would happen … only it never happened? That’s because most fear comes from your thinking, not the reality of the situation.
It is not possible to think two thoughts at one – therefore, if you think a positive thought, it is literally impossible to think a negative or fearful thought at the same time.
Drowning out your fear thoughts with soothing thoughts can go a long way in helping you deal with your fear. Here are some thoughts to try:
- I deserve this.
- I’ve done harder things before.
- I am stronger than my fear.
3. Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway
There is a book out there called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. I highly recommend you read the book, but the title alone is a great motto to live by.
The premise of the book is that the only way to get over a particular fear is to face your fear and DO IT. Then there is no longer anything to be afraid of! What a concept, huh?
Have you ever noticed that the more you avoid doing something, the scarier it seems? Avoiding something doesn’t make the fear go away … it only builds anticipation, which is usually worse than the actual event.
The more you face your fears and take action in spite of them, the stronger and more confident you become.
So what would YOU do if you had no fear? Are you willing to take one small step in that direction? As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below!
P.S. I am going to be facing one of MY biggest fears ever by going SKYDIVING this month – eeek! Any girls here make the big leap? I’d love to hear any tips or words of encouragement you might have. 😉
It’s easy to be fearless, if you look feminine and if you aren’t too tall. Yesterday I was about to get off the subway and in front of me, there was a lady getting off, about 2 feet taller than myself. Of course, I scrutinized her very intensely. When she turned her head, I was sure she was not a born femme. She looked at me very quickly, but then got off so fast, I was unable to follow her. She surely was worried that I had read her.
Fear is a funny thing.My biggest fear was going to my local Wal-Mart(you know what they say:if you sit at Wal-Mart long enough,you’ll see everyone you ever met).I did fine and afterward it didn’t seem as big a deal.I just kept reminding myself of something John Lennon said,”Don’t stop,when you feel overwhelmed,keep moving.”I believe he was onto something.It kept me from focusing on others focusing on me,and helped with the nervous energy.Fear still hits me when I go to Wal-Mart,but after beating it,I’d never give up what I’ve gained.
Oh lucille your a life saver – as i just finished writing a letter wondering have you got anything that will help me overcome my fear, and i pressed the next email you send me and it led me hear – ty once again – as this should help me think speak and act like a girl so i dont say to myself i can not do it -but rather encourages me, that i deserve this as we all deserver to be happy…
I’m fearless because when I feel someone look at me bad I always sing a song (on my mind): “Mr. Personality” by Gillette and I always smile looking back that “Ugly” person 😀
My problem is not fear anymore, but my health. I just turned 60 and on HRT 2 years. I do want to wear feminine attire soon but a potentially dangerous health problem may squash any hopes of that. I may be off of the HRT and the expense of the treatment will eat into my savings.
Lucille, Have fun skydiving! I did similar adrenaline rushes in my time!
I have been ou during the day 2 times and have been out at night for years the difference with day time there are a lot of scumbags about that I have had bricks flung off me spit on and I went into a female toilet and got the police on me well security and it wasnt very nice….apart from hiding in corners and avoiding people its terrible….wish people where a lot easy going but they aint…its not as easy as it looks wrote down…people should give us a break because we are not doing any wrong….
Lucille, my biggest fear is that of getting followed when I am out. And it has happened on more than one occasion. This is why I have the upmost respect for women……because I know what its like, and what they have to go through. Its not fair that that someone like me or another woman can’t go out as they like without having to worry about if someone is going to cause a problem for you. It sucks to be honest, but thats our society. For those of you who have never gotten followed, you have no idea what this experience is like, just hope that it never happens to you, because it is not at all pleasant. I have been followed on foot, and once while driving my car….and yes, I like to wear short skirts, but that is no reason for someone to harass you. I should be able to wear what I want, when I want without harassment. Please, just be careful and safe out there.
As for myself, I am a Transgender just broke my 1 year mark on hormones.
I grew up in Northern Ontario, fears kept me from transitioning for a very long time. Due to many fears from rejection, family, friends to society. I found the more time went by where i was playing the role of a man was slowly killing me inside. I finally decided to go into transition and begin the hard journey. I was correct in my fears Family turned on me, lost my friends and society frowned upon me. I was Ridiculed, harassed, beaten on a few occasions and even stabbed. As they say “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” well I must be one tough girl. I ended up moving to the city of Toronto. Life is so much easier now, i realized my big dream of just being me. Society is so much better on me now , still struggling to find employment and feel alone in this huge city. But all and all i have no fear now being me, i ride public transit, subway go wherever i want and shop wherever i want. I am truly enjoying life now.
I just read your post and congratulate you on your courage. I know it was not easy coming out and can relate to what you have gone through. I am a 64 year old crossdresser from Peterborough who has known since age 5 that I was different. Knowing what I know now I would have transitioned a long time ago.
I have been buying women’s clothes since age 13, dressing and going out full-time since age 20. Saw 2 councillors and 2 doctors between age 18 and 30 all were no help. Met my wife at age 30 kept in secret from her until 8 years ago. It has been a roller coaster ride since and she has finally got her mind wrapped around my need to dress. I have always dressed in androgenous women’s clothing, she never picked up on it and for the last 8 years I am able with her permission to underdress daily, still wear the androgynous clothing including shoes with 2-3 inch heels daily. Just don’t dress fully around the house. If I do then I need to go out which I do. I am out to my sons, daughter, sisters, best friends, and some people in our church. All have no problem except my sons are a little upset.My ears are pierced, wear earrings daily and all hair has been lasered, chest, back, face and legs.
If you are looking for a support group check out transfamily in kingston and look up Ruth Woods or United Church observer in Kingston on the web. Ruth is a united church minister who transitioned 10 years ago while in the pulpit and still lives with his wife, and is supported by her two sons and their wives. Ruth is the leader of the transfamily group.
There is also a night club in Oshawa called 717 Wilson which is geared to the transgender people but a little on the fetish side.