What would you do if you had NO FEAR?
- Would you plan a fabulous femme outing?
- Would you share your feminine side with somebody important?
- Would you live as a woman full time, haters be damned?
We often have a million reasons why we can’t do something – whether it’s our age, our family obligations, or a lack of money – but the truth is, it usually boils down to FEAR.
Are you ready to be fearless? Here are my best tips for conquering your fear so you can express yourself as the fab female you truly are.
1. Accept your Fear
What you resist persists. But when you accept your fear, it has a funny way of dissipating.
The thing is, our minds are wired to help us survive. Whenever you face an unknown situation – or risk facing disapproval from others – the default response is fear.
Accepting your fear as a built-in biological response also helps you realize that your fear is NOT a sign that you are weak or that you are NOT supposed to do something. (Note: I am not suggesting that you ignore fear when it comes to your physical safety. You should obviously use common sense when putting yourself out there.)
2. Replace Your Fear Thoughts
Have you ever been afraid something terrible would happen … only it never happened? That’s because most fear comes from your thinking, not the reality of the situation.
It is not possible to think two thoughts at one – therefore, if you think a positive thought, it is literally impossible to think a negative or fearful thought at the same time.
Drowning out your fear thoughts with soothing thoughts can go a long way in helping you deal with your fear. Here are some thoughts to try:
- I deserve this.
- I’ve done harder things before.
- I am stronger than my fear.
3. Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway
There is a book out there called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. I highly recommend you read the book, but the title alone is a great motto to live by.
The premise of the book is that the only way to get over a particular fear is to face your fear and DO IT. Then there is no longer anything to be afraid of! What a concept, huh?
Have you ever noticed that the more you avoid doing something, the scarier it seems? Avoiding something doesn’t make the fear go away … it only builds anticipation, which is usually worse than the actual event.
The more you face your fears and take action in spite of them, the stronger and more confident you become.
So what would YOU do if you had no fear? Are you willing to take one small step in that direction? As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below!
Love,
Lucille
P.S. I am going to be facing one of MY biggest fears ever by going SKYDIVING this month – eeek! Any girls here make the big leap? I’d love to hear any tips or words of encouragement you might have. 😉
transformation tips?
I have made several jummps when I was with the army and woundnt trade it for anything you’ll love it I believe that you will have to jump tandom at first when you jump solo get in the habit of not looking down land by feel eyes have a tendensy of misjujing distance specially at nigt. I envy you
Just reading the comments, I must say that these girls’ courage to do this is really amazing. I haven’t gone out in public en femme but in my mind, I am a woman 🙂 Wish 2013 be a gorgeous year for all of you.
Sky diving ! You lucky girl, I’d do it in a heart beat. Jumping out of a perfectly good airplane is just another extreme way to have fun. In many ways it’s like coming out as a female,you take a leap and hope you have made all the preparations. You are one of our lifelines to those preparations, the parachute. We Thank You and wish you The Merriest of Christmases.
yes!
hey ladies just back from local cosmetics store drop 300.00 bucks!!!my question is buying more expensive products better than say cover girl or maybelline lines ? not there not effective just getting better quality offers less break outs is this true. im using Lise Watier and my face feels incredible so soft now and does it really make a diff. let me know what you all are using ! maybe Lucille has already covered this and i missed it. forgive me .oxox girls
I’m very lucky in that I pass very well in public, and the reason I pass is because “passing” is more about “blending in” than “passing as a woman”, per Se’. I consider myself to be transsexual, and so I NEED to spend time just “being” Jeanette. That is why now, after several years of going out in public en femme, I do a lot of what people consider routine errands when I do so, like going to Walmart or Target or the pharmacy to pick up weekly things. I love doing this, it’s incredibly validating and beats the heck out of just staying home and parading in front the mirror.
It took a TON of gumption for me to do this the very first time, because of (guess what…)… FEAR. I’ll never ever forget that day… I was bound and determined I was going to go inside a Walgreen’s store and buy a pair of pantyhose. Got to the first Walgreen’s store… sat in the car for about 15 minutes… and chickened out. Luckily there’s Walgreen’s stores ALL OVER the city where I live. Drove to another Walgreen’s… same thing, I chickened out. This happened about 5 more times that night, when finally, I said “Screw this”, and went inside. My heart was beating in my throat. But I did it. I KNOW perfectly well the young girl waiting on me READ me, but I didn’t care… because I DID it. Be persistent.
Yep, Lucille is spot-on about this topic. To this day I still feel fear occasionally (but much less often), and to me, in my opinion, a little fear can be good because it keeps you on your toes. I have ALWAYS reserved myself the right to back out of a situation if I don’t feel right about doing it while out in public as Jeanette. If for whatever reason I don’t feel right about it, I don’t do it.
A couple years ago, I started keeping a cumulative list in my purse of all the different stores and places I’ve been and things I’ve done while out in public as Jeanette. The list is now 2 pages long. In the last 8 days I’ve been to 13 different places as Jeanette. Whenever I feel a little trepidation about going somewhere en femme, I get out my list and look at it… and it helps conquer that fear.
Believe me, it is sooooo wonderful and validating the first time you’re out en femme and someone addresses you as “Ma’am”, or “Miss”. INCREDIBLE! I still love hearing it even though I get called “Ma’am” quite often now. It’s also very validating walking around in a store or outside in public and being IGNORED. Being ignored means you’re passing as a woman because you blend in with other women.
One last thing in my long post here. A fashion tip: It’s great to go out in heels and a skirt or a dress, but if you’re out just doing some basic shopping or running errands, wear ACTIVE WEAR once in awhile. Look around you at the stores and malls, A LOT of women are out shopping wearing yoga pants, tennis shoes, warm-up jackets. This year I’ve bought some womens’ Avia walking tennis shoes, warm-up jackets, spandex wide-leg jazz pants with a matching warm-up jacket, and 4 leotards to wear underneath. Dance clothes or workout clothes are very comfortable, fit well and are age-appropriate for EVERYONE. You see women of all ages and shapes and sizes dressed like this. The most popular color for ladies active wear is black too, which goes with anything and has a slimming effect on you. The best thing about ladies active wear? IT’S SEASON-LESS, ladies!! Goes good in spring, summer, fall and winter, and a great addition to your wardrobe that will make you blend in with other women. Trust me, it works!!
Well this lucky lady has to go now, but I love sharing my experiences and tips with you, because I like helping my fellow girls out any way I can. Stay beautiful, swallow your fear, and always be persistent, you’ll be able to do anything!! …Love, Jeanette… 🙂
such a nice inspiring story. way to go ! this is my blend in look even though i dont think am passing i think alot of people really don’t care what im wearing?? so far . Lisa
Thank you Lucille so very much. Your wisdom and the generous spirit in which you share helps me to be the girl I was born to be! Again, I owe you so very much… Sincerely, Evelynn Jenna-Mariah Flewell
I still have some degree of fear. Coming out as the me that I truly feel I am has been a long hard road. I now look to the road ahead of me like this….”this is me, the who I am! Accept me as the me I am, or simply go away!” I am happy with myself. I still have some issues with certain situations, but I am getting through them one step at a time. Lucille’s advice has been helping me along the way. (L) Lucille, I have never been skydiving before, but that sounds fun and exciting!! If you are ever up in the northwest, I would go skydiving with you
Dear, I love your blog and invite You to know my admiration since the point of view of a real female MUJER.
Gracias HERMOSA!