Are you afraid to step out as a woman for fear of not “passing?”
Instead of fixating on passing, my advice to crossdressers and transgender women has always been to try to “blend in” as a woman instead. (Read more on that topic here.)
But lately, I’ve been wondering… Is blending in REALLY the ultimate goal when presenting as female?
After all, why wear cute outfits, style your hair, or apply makeup if no one notices?
I think it’s a natural feminine desire to want to stand out and make a statement. Does your inner woman share this desire?
This is an interesting topic, and I’d love to hear your thoughts:
- Do you enjoy getting positive attention when presenting yourself as a woman?
- Or do you prefer to blend in and attract as little attention as possible?
Please take my poll and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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I could care less if people think I’m a real Woman! I love standing out as a man in fem clothes. there is more times then not i want even do my makeup! or breast forms! or hair! If people have a problem with it then they can just get glade in the same pants they got mad in!
I just love the attentions!
Danielle Standford
Local Drag queen!
good on you for going out and being your self, i say don’t wary what people think, as it’s your life and life i to short to wary what overs think, as i’v just started to go out as a cross dresser some of the times, but when i do it i feel fantastic, and i don’t care what my negative family or people say, as i told family if they can not let me go then i don’t care, i know that might be very selfish but you need to live live your why not what others think as life is to short to sit back and not do it coues of family or friends, so i go out on a Saturday/other nights fully dressed in high heel, dress, wig, make up, stockings and in day time i only dress in stocking, shoes, women pants and t-shirts or skirts. i have trouble putting on my makeup, and i think my town is starting to be OK with cross dressers and gays and that, so i still have a bit of problems with some family but, i’ll not let that put me off or stop doing what i enjoy, i sick of hiding it be hind close doors that why i had to coming out, but love to take it a step further with the hormones and become one full time or almost be come one, and i like to have a name change too Alana, so i say just do what make you feel right as life is to short not to do what you like. can you give me any advise on anything about cross dressing thanks you
There are times when you want to blend in but overall I think I would rather stand out and get noticed other wise why buy the cute dress or the pair of really cute pumps or put on makeup for that matter now I am not saying to dress slutty but dressing classy with a classic flare it will separate you from the crowd. if you just simply blend in nobody will notice you and you might just miss your chance at love or finding (the one) that’s just my take on it though.
Hi Lucille
I have total confidence and pretty much go anywhere without fear, I’m not a wallflower by any means. I dress well for most any occasion and while blending in the sense of being properly dressed for the occasion by the same token I will not just disappear in the background, I’ll be noticed but not in a way to draw unwanted attention by being outlandishly dressed. I shared 32 yrs half my life at the time of her passing with a very special Angel/Soulmate who always knew and was totally accepting and supportive of my feminine side from the very beginning in Jan 1977 until she was called home to heaven in Feb 09. We spent many hours out in public, traveled up and down the east coast by car as girlfriends during those years, she truly helped me become the woman I always should have been. Sadly because as she always put it life interfered so my transition to full time that we had planned and started in 81 only came about after her passing, but I know she is looking down from heaven with a big smile and smoothing the way to make my transition easy. I am accepted everywhere I go and by everyone I meet, no one has a clue I’m not the woman I appear to be unless I share and tell them my history.
Patricia…..Your story has touched my heart because you have been living all of our dreams for so long. Thank you for sharing
Hi Patricia I too lost my very special Angel/Soulmate I miss her terribly at times ‘m glad you are doing well in your transition I ‘m trying to wait on starting my own soon I know my heart is filled with my angel pushing me along to do alone what we had planned she passed 01/29/2014 itt devastated me at first I had been taking care of her 24/7 the previous 5 years we had become so close she taught me what she could when she felt like it which wasn’t very often but I’m learning a lot from Lucille I’d almost given up my dream until I found Lucille she is an angel too Love M.J.
It actually depends. When I go out en femme, I’m heading toward a club, event, or other destination where being dressed is either OK, or expected. Once there, I love to catch folks’ glances and get their compliments. When en route to a destination. I don’t care if people notice me, as a cross dresser, or if happening to “pass” to their mind. I only worry about rude, or violent behavior, but do appreciate a smile, compliment, or polite gesture. I doubt I’ll ever be able to completely pass as a woman, at least upon closer proximity to those I cross paths with.
My aim is to just pull off as nice and feminine of an appearance as I can. I think this should be the aim of many like myself as opposed to trying so desperately to “Pass.” If a gurl takes care their skin, works on their figure, learns some makeup skills, chooses the right wigs, and knows how to put together a cute outfit, then as a gurl, but not “Passing,” you can nonetheless look fabulous. Numerous times, I’ve had people tell me how fantastic I look; they compliment my outfits, makeup jobs, etc. More women, both G and T girls, than men, but many men too. They don’t look at me as a woman “passing” or trying to, but as a “gurl” who looks GOOD as one!
The World is well accustomed to women taking on the male gender identity anymore, and it’s not really thought of as unusual, at least not in more populated urban areas; no different than seeing many folks with tattoos. But ones like myself/us? Still is an unusual sight that draws attention. My hope is that the appearance of the “gurl” will one day be a common gender type out and about that people are accustomed to without thinking it so weird. Until then, let’s all be courageous pioneers of such!
Best to all
Xoxo,
Randa
Blending in, Ha, Ha, not a chance. not in this lifetime.
I got my mom’s late blooming cleavage gene, but my breasts didn’t fully grow in until three years ago. Now, you can clearly see my breasts and my hard nipples through my shirts, and now through my blouses, ( yes, I said MY blouses, I’ve gotten blouses from some very caring and accepting friends of mine.
but, let’s get back to the original point, shall we, I livve in a small, rural town, that wants to grow up and get with the current times, so, when the mayor of this town found out that I’m a cross-dresser and transgender, he wanted me to advertise myself, and show this town that our gender is definitely here to stay.
I love showing myself off, I get such a rush out of showing that I don’t wear a bra, and I love it when I wear my very short-shorts, and people ask me if I’m wearing any pants.
Pants!!!!! on a hot day!!! they are lucky that I’m even wearing short-shorts. I’ve even been so brazen as to not wear shorts or pants, and just a crop-top, ( which nicely shows off my B cup breasts and hard nipples.
Standing out in a crowd is not something I even worry about
because their is only one other transgender child in this town, and he is six years old. I’m setting a positive trend for Mark,
and I like to think that I’m his trail-blazer.
Love you lucille,
Jayme
Hello! I’m average height 5’7″ and medium built and have been taking feminizing hormones for just over a year and it has helped with blending in not to mention makeup and hair style. I feel comfortable riding on a crowded city bus; my mode of transportation.
I guess I consider myself fortunate. I inherited “good genes.”
When I go out, I use to see it as a competition, like, “can I fool them this time?” Well, that was long ago. Now, I dress for the occasion, dinner, concert, shopping, whatever and just go!
Now, I don’t know if I have been or are “read,” but either way I don’t care. I do know that GG’s and my girl friends, tell me that I am pretty and every woman wants to hear that. I have to admit I do get a lot of looks form guys — THE GOOD KIND! I have been hit on many times and I do NOT lead them on as I usually just wave my big diamond ring and wedding ring at them, smile and if they are close enough, tell them “thanks for the attention.” I again, guess I am fortunate I have never been threatened or felt afraid or that I was leading someone on! That being said because of “My extensive background,” I am probably the last person you would want to “mess with!”
I do look nice, I dress nice with a style that I call, “conservatively sexy.”
It works for me and as I am fond of saying, “GO Forth Woman and BE!”
Hi,
My first public appearance, after a year or two of purchasing and tossing (you know, accumulate those late night Target and Ross purchases and hide them in bags out of sight, practice and get mojo, then feel some guilt or shame and give it all to goodwill in a drive by motion!) I finally realized I would have to face my girl head on and allow her room in my life. She is not going to go away. (Hundreds of dollars later, and ohh darn where is that lovely blouse I got rid of, and that skirt! Shucks).
Anyway, in a surge of awareness, I shopped like a mad woman, makeup, wigs, clothing, accessories, etc. (Forgot a handbag…woman in training…, lol). Then one night I couldn’t stand it any longer. I had to allow Danielle a chance to enter the real world. She has been crying to get out there for 53 years. I did my very best makeup (only second time, and realized just how little collagen I have left :(.). I put on a really nice sleeved dress that helped to cover up my 73″ man frame (210 pound a t hletic frame), some gorgeous glittery gold pumps, sexy. Painted my toenails and fingernails, put on my pretty and brand new hair, and drove up to SF. My first public appearance was at a gasoline station, where I shyly pumped my gas, staying close to the car door in case I became afraid (who would assault a 210 pound amazon woman anyway?). I was immediately in.love with my danielle. I mean, in love with how she allowed me to express who I want to be. We went to the city and I managed to drive around a fair bit, and ended up at Sutter and Grant, Starbucks. I parked nearby and walked in my gorgeous dress and heels, about a block, and went inside and ordered a coffee, with a straw. I sipped 2 coffees as the early light gave way to mid morning. Dozens of folks coming and going. Some giving me a second or third look, a few stares and maybe a comment, but rather no issue and I was feeling alive.
All that said, I looked pretty silly. But at the time did not care as much as it mattered that Danielle get a chance at the world. Now that I’ve done this several times, I am getting better at makeup, and fashion , and accessories that most women have. Thise are clear giveaways usually. I get so excited to have an opportunity to go out, but still do it at night when there are no real people about. I still have a long way to go. I’ve done no changes physically other than shave my beard off. I am trying to evaluate what kinds of things or to what degree I want to become a female in my life. Some days I will tell you 100% bring it on. Other days I am more reserved.
But passing is a key goal. I don’t just want to look like a woman though, I want to BE a woman at that time, 100%. I leave my man at home, and become Danielle. That is who I like being.