Are you afraid to step out as a woman for fear of not “passing?”
Instead of fixating on passing, my advice to crossdressers and transgender women has always been to try to “blend in” as a woman instead. (Read more on that topic here.)
But lately, I’ve been wondering… Is blending in REALLY the ultimate goal when presenting as female?
After all, why wear cute outfits, style your hair, or apply makeup if no one notices?
I think it’s a natural feminine desire to want to stand out and make a statement. Does your inner woman share this desire?
This is an interesting topic, and I’d love to hear your thoughts:
- Do you enjoy getting positive attention when presenting yourself as a woman?
- Or do you prefer to blend in and attract as little attention as possible?
Please take my poll and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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On the whole, I try like my life depends on it to blend in, it is hard as not only am I an Also-ran in passing terms, I am setting out to try and be a Gamim rather than an all out Glamorous Woman, and also am setting myself up for failure by bloody minded refusing to wear False Breasts until I have grown my own, I suppose & I know that a lot of Trans-Women will relate to this, I’ll do whatever it takes just to look as feminine as possible, as we are mostly trying to simply escape and run away from our inept pre transition existence as shite half-men.
This is a difficult one for me, on balance I definitely prefer going stealthy as poasible and be actually thought of as my internally aligned gender, and go androgyne..wear jeans, jogging bottoms etcetera..one of my favourite garments is my long brown raincoat overcoat which is reminiscent of the character Matty Storin from the BBC original version of House of Cards..which I can plunge my hands into and sort of mope around in a not overtly feminine way, which many Women do.. but sometimes I do yearn to be a bit more out there and in your face, as a 45 year old trans-women Pre Hormone and Electrolosys I am sort of in thr invidious position of being on the cusp of passing but as a kind of Also-Ran, which is typical of me, a bit like my Piano Playing it is also Also-ran it is really annoying actually, I never know quite how to present myself as Harriet, I do much better when an experienced Girlfriend does makeup for me, I can not seem to learn quite how properly to do my Eyes, and as for contouring and Blusher, well I’ve never even tried that yet, but on balance I seem to be better off on the whole when I downplay it, it is then when I get that wonderful treatment from Men, and get treated as the Woman I should have been, If I push my luck, it can (not always) vo wrong and draw attention to my innate Biological Maleness, but I still believe this is more down to gait amd poise and voice, but one cannot go through life with one’s mouth shut.
I have set myself up for a hard challenge by attempting to be a Gamin, rather than a voluptuous Glamour Queen.. I am always super anxious amd horrified at the prospect of being identified as either a drag queen or cross-dresser, neither of which I am. I suppose those who transitioned pre-puberty are lucky and many older Trans-Women would have done so, back in the 80s 90s and early 00s had the awareness and support beem there…
I suppose I am bloody minded as I make a point of not wearing false breasts until I have grown my own, so this kind of obviously stands out…I suppose at this stage in my transition, I am not setting out to be a Woman, but merely be as feminine as it is possible to be, whether that requires stealth mode or underplaying it, or whatever.
But I know many Transwomen will understand, we are trying to run away amd escape from our inept pre transition existence amd are mortified by our own shiteness while attempting to be Men!
I started wanting to blend in, but as I gained confidence and got a few compliments that changed. I don’t pass well and I don’t care. I’m out and proud. And in ten years I’ve never had a negative comment. I’m careful where I go though and try to be friendly with everyone.
I have been doing my best to blend in but I have been approached quite a few times and been complimented on my looks and attire. At times, I do make the effort to stand out depending on the situation but in a more relaxed situation, I prefer to blend in. I still get a bit self-conscious whenever I am out in public, but I just take a deep breath and act normal. Blending is good for anxiety issues but I know of other crossdressers that enjoy standing out as to tell the world: “Here I am and this is what I am!” I have also taken on the concept of if someone has a problem with me crossdressing, then it is their problem, not mine. I am enjoying myself and not bothering anyone, nor am I causing a ruckus, getting into anyone’s face, or exposing myself in an inappropriate way. I prefer to dress casually whenever I am out and about, otherwise, if going to a club or other similar situation, then I might stand out a bit with a fun outfit.
I’ve been blending quite nicely for the last few years.
Your poll assumes that the crossdresser wants to go out in public. Based on my exposure to the community, I guess that the majority of crossdressers never leave their homes, let alone have a spouse that even knows that they dress.
On top of this, there are many, many crossdressers, such as myself, that don’t come close to presenting as a female. The maximum that they can or want to do is under-dress, such as with only panties or pantyhose as a maximum.
Personally, I mix the two aspects of dressing. Everything that I wear comes from the women’s department, but I dress androgynously. It’s kind of difficult to disguise what you are when sporting short cropped hair, a moustache or a beard, so I don’t push the envelope that way.
Stand out. Sent meter new its not even n a great way but I still take it as a challenge moment. There is no better feeling than seeing a girl have to tell her bf to lift his jaw back in place after I walk by and hearing “ they are not real”.
Whether or not the men know that I have a special package with me…. It doesn’t matter, they are clearly attracted (I think they know for the most part), I would think the girls could sniff us out though, but they never tell him “ that’s a man you be drooling over like a fool”. So perhaps partly for our safety or their own piece of mind now knowing their bf or husband may have a new fetish interest. There is nothing wrong with going out and looking good and feeling good. The key though is your confidence level has to be quite high.
If you walk the walk and your oozing confidence out of every pore in our body, that’s What they notice in a good way. But it can easily go bad quick all it takes sometimes is that we glance in and we our reflection on a mirrored store front window. I take transit as well so lots can go wrong, if taking transit I always invest in a good pair of headphones like Bose or something, that way if somebody does make a negative comment, you won’t hear it so it don’t matter then anyway and even better walk off the bus with a head held high. The person that made the comment will just look foolish, a nd your none the wiser.
Wow you look gorgeous kristi.
In such great company.thought i would add my picture
Caroline
When I was young I couldn’t take my eyes off of girls. They were, and are, beautiful and I wanted to be one. No matter what they wore they never changed. I spent most of my time hanging out with them, and even had different girl friends. It didn’t matter, because most of them liked me. Then I was 16, I didn’t have enough money to buy a costume and my sister suggested that I would look good going to the high school Halloween party dressed as a girl. To make a long story sort of short, I did. I was able to wear my mothers going out clothes and left the house wearing panties, a bra stuffed with what were called falsie’s back then, and a white half slip. They did make panty hose back then, so I wore a garter belt with socks on. Next came a black skirt a bit below my knees and a white blouse. Instead of a mask, I wore her small black hat with a Vaile. And of course, make-up and red lipstick. When I looked into her big mirror I was shocked. There looking back at me was a very pretty girl. Both my mother and sister were also a bit shocked. At the party not one person said anything about what I was wearing, and the girls loved what I was wearing. Well, I was hooked. Whenever mom went to work I dresses up, and Cynthia, my sister put my make-up on me. The crazy thing about it was I was the high school bad boy. When I was old enough I went into the military and got married. When my wife found out that I loved wearing her clothes she loved it. We would go shopping dressed as sisters. When she passed away, I stopped wearing womens clothes. Eleven years ago, I started again and I still am. I’m not as pretty as I was when I was 16, and never will be but hardly a day goes by that I wished I was born a girl. I moved to Tucson because I found out that we were more than welcome here. I can dress everyday and as long as I stay in Pima county I never have to worry about dressing and going out because I’m treated like the girl I always wanted to be and, I LOVE IT… However, blending in is a must. Why? Simple, I was born a boy and want to be a girl, but know that will never happen but the more I look like one, I’M HAPPY.
I spent a long time in Tucson and loved it. I am transgender and love who I have become. One morning I was up in the mountain range and I met a charming man and he came back to my hotel with me. I found the men really liked me in Tucson lol. I sadly ended up in the hospital with heart issues and I had to return to Dallas. Never to return well other than passing thru to get my daughter in LA and bring her to NYC went through. I love your post
I don`t care if i blend in or stand out,
I am me take it or leave it