“Passing as a woman” is the Holy Grail for many crossdressers and transgender women.
But is it really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of not “passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it… it’s not always easy!
It could take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and presenting yourself as a woman. You might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
That means that unless you plan to live as a woman full time, trying to become 100% passable just isn’t practical.
Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look feminine and harmonious enough not to stand out in a negative way – even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a cisgender (genetic) woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU!
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
Loading ...
Everyone has a very valid point here, depending on their particular situation. I wish I could be out en femme, because that’s when I’m happiest. Being married and living in a close community prevents this. I am satisfied for now transforming at home.
I really can’t pass. I’d like to be less visible at work, but I drive a bus, so people tend to look. The ‘feminization secrets’ do help keep down the number of people who decide to punish me, though. Thanks for that.
if im relaxed i have no trouble passing but when im tiered the muscel groups opperate diferently and im much m,ore likely to fail to pass. so i try not to go into close situations when tiered
That’s a very good topic Lucille.
When I started your program, I thought that I would grow a small pair of breasts that I could keep hidden at work and only show off at the gay dance clubs.
Estrogen turned my world upside down. I gained a new perspective based on greater emotional intelligence. I wanted to show off my new assets which are growing too big to hide anyway.
In May, I got a psychiatrist’s transgender carry letter and I have been “out” ever since. I know that I don’t pass, but wow! do I ever get accepted! I underestimated the tolerance and goodwill of my city.
After 15 months on the program, I am still concentrating on the physical things, breast and bum growth, hair inhibiting lotions etc.
I didn’t get into Lucille’s books and dvd’s for passing yet, because I wanted to see what the natural effects of estrogen would be.
Well, I quit my job in construction, and I will be starting Practical Nursing school next week. I’ve been told by several people that I am chameleon-like and tend to mimic the mannerisms of people I am around (years of trying to pass as a man would do that). In a classroom of mostly women, I hope to just fall into a more feminine style, voice, and manner by osmosis.
I firmly believe that it does not come down to passing or blending, but rather the confidence you have in being your true self. Passing does help in that respect, but I do not think blending is the key.
I live 90% of the time as a woman and yes I do pass, but I refuse to blend because blending makes you look like everyone else. I refuse to lose my identity and instead prefer to be noticed.
I am a part time model and actress and I also speak out for transgendered rights. I also organize a lot of charity work and I participate at a lot of fund raisers, so being seen is the key, and being who you are, not like everyone else, will boost your confidence, and again, confidence is the key to successfully being who you are…man, woman, trans, whatever…
We are all on a journey, but none of us take the same path…
Ashley
Blending in is the first step in gaining the courage and self confidence to try harder to pass. You don’t have to be 100% passable just have confidence in yourself and let you inner glow come through. I wear makeup almost everyday and while I look feminine no one has commented on the makeup only that I look good today. Jeans, hoody and sneakers around the house,to the grocery store etc. I usually try slacks, top flattish shoes and a sweater or jacket when in malls and other stores shopping. I haven’t come out to family other than my partner and she has to look real close to tell at times. Don’t go overboard with day to day makeup and try to look natural. Enjoy being your feminine self. Be beautiful to yourself first and foremost. I have been dressing since I was about 4 y/o I’m 55 now and dressing full time except outer clothes for work for 17 years now. Mom knew but always thought I would outgrow it. :Q
Take care ,Amanda
Confidence is definately important! However, not passing does not bother me; negative respones do. While I have not had many problems out in public, there have been a few who have had a moral issue with me being trans. However, this has not come as a surprise, as I live in the south (U.S.) where there is a high number of trans and homophobic people. 🙁
Very good question. As a 72 year old non op woman it is important for me to be who I am first. I am comfortable with me. I think I pass and have never had any problem blending with society. My biggest drawback is that I had my male voice for 69 years and it is hard to get the voice part right.
I am trying.
I agree with the whole subject of blending in but there is a spot or time were some feel they can’t based on body traits. I’m 6-2 fairly femme figure, voice, dress, and attitude but feel it all breaks down when they see my face. I deal with it the best I can and look forward to everyday living full time but in situations were people say and think your a man and assume your just in drag can really knock your confidance. I can’t afford any kind of surgery at the moment other than laser treatments so it’s a daily challenge to leave those feelings behind.
My only advice to others like me…save your money, take any help you can get, be what you want to be and forget how you think people think they see you because it’s who you are on the inside that makes you what you are on the outside and over time the feeling starts to dissapear.