“Passing as a woman” is the Holy Grail for many crossdressers and transgender women.
But it is really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of not “passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it… it’s not always easy!
It could take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and presenting yourself as a woman. You might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
That means that unless you plan to live as a woman full time, trying to become 100% passable just isn’t practical.
Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look feminine and harmonious enough not to stand out in a negative way – even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a cisgender (genetic) woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU!
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
I totally agree with the article, I found it very helpful and encouraging as that is exactly what I was aiming for. To look as convincing as possible but where that doesn’t work to look like a classy well turned out tgirl. Nails done, hair done, make-up done nicely, lovely clothes Clean and pressed with nice accessories and handbag. I feel fantastic like this when I’m out and I can concentrate on my feminine body movements walking etc. I am happy to be recognised as a man from time to time but I absolutely love it when people don’t give me a second glance or I catch men all women glancing at my large boobs. Really nice article thank you, Mandy.
As a closet cd for too many years, dressing up and just walking around the house is now boring! I have been outside under-dressed and love the feeling. My ultimate goal is to someday dress from wig to heels and just go for a walk-no accolades, I just want to be me en-femme.
I wear only clothes made for women, like tight fitting jeans, women’s polyester button tops, tights and very little makeup. I feel like a women but no one gives me a second glance.
I would be so flattered if a sales clerk or other stranger referred to me as ‘Mam’ but my goal is to feel like a female under my clothes. I often pretend I am a woman pretending to be a man. That way I am delighted when I am referred to as ‘sir’. I must confess it would be really nice to present myself as a woman and to be accepted as such and I could probably pull it off but because my feminine self is undercover I cannot get the feedback I need from others, who care and want to help me, to point out my behaviors as passable or not.
I do go out fully dressed as a woman every now and then in the evenings, it is something that I have to do I can’t stop it I want to be seen by people ..I do get looked at by men and woman when they pas me by but didn’t get any negative comments up to now and do hope it stays that way
Deana, I am just the same, I just can’t not do it it has been a huge part of my life since I was 13 years old and it has got more intense over the years until now when I recently split with my wife over this she says that we had to choose between husband and wife and no Mandy or us being best friends, her and Mandy, with her helping me with my makeup shoes and clothes etc and leading a platonic relationship. We decided on the latter because we both knew I could never stop so now I live my life in the same house as my ex-wife and now girlfriend. After 18 years in our relationship she has been living with Mandy to a Greater or lesser extent mostly grater and she has now said that she needs a 100% man. This it is incredibly painful for me but as we both know I am a girl and I can’t give her what she wants but the point is it is worth it to be able to be Mandy openly and freely. Mandy, x
Deana, you are completely a BABE! !
GIRL,the girls are looking. ..cause they’re JEALOUS! !
I’M 71 YO. ..& have been told I look better than many real Women!
You should be Out there, Daily! !
Only hope to look as good as You!
What do think? ?
For me, talking personally, being myself if very, very important. Being true to one’s traits, identity, beliefs, etc is part of what life is all about as a human being.
But being a trans gurl, passing as best I can isn’t just a choice I can make inconsequentially (big word right?!) Passing is my way of lessening dysphoria and depression, both which take many transgenders’ lives every year :'(
In short, I NEED to pass to try to get rid of constant mental agony and to try to live a happy life.
For me, passing was the final rite of passage. It was a nice feeling when I heard for the first time, “right this way, miss” or “let the lady pass.” The ultimate was when a guy opened the door for me, and he couldn’t stop looking at my legs and my butt as I walked past him!
My name is Allie and I dream of transistioning, it’s something I’ve thought about since I was very very young. I’ve noticed the past couple of months that the urge to transition has become overwhelmingly strong. I have now have a newborn but struggle with how I can become who I am meant to be while being there for my daughter as she grows up. I feel like my shot at becoming me is slipping away.
Hi Allow honey I agree with Maxxine that you should stay strong and feel grateful you at least had a daughter and not a son of course I’m sure it is very difficult balancing the two I’m not sure but maybe you should try talking to your wife of course I know it will probably be problematic as well sweetie anyway I believe that honesty is the best policy for any situation painful as it might be Love MJ
Hi Allie not Allow forgive me sweetie Autocorrect strikes again
It must be so hard for you balancing being a parent and wanting to transition 🙁
Stay strong x
I have given up many times, only to find myself, for unknown reasons looking at different shades of lipstick,or a bra, or a beautiful dress. I have only passed once in my years dressing. For me there is no one to talk too about my goals, so dreams falls to the side. A local support group would be helpful or a person I could talk too. My mixed feelings puts a strain on me when I try to write. I just break down and cry.
I have no way to turn for help nor an ear to listen, in my world I am all alone.
Hi Lacy Hart never give up I too have done so many times but always found myself looking for make-up and clothes being 58 as of today forward only forward despite all obstacles Love MJ