Do you think it’s important to “pass” as a woman? This is something a lot of crossdressers and transgender women think about.
Is passing really a goal worth pursuing?
I’ve shared my thoughts on whether or not I think passing matters in this blog post. (Spoiler alert: It doesn’t.)
But now, I’m curious to know what YOU think:
Do you care about passing as a woman? Or are you proud to be seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are?
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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I’m very realistic about my passing as 45-50 yr old professional working woman Cathy, walking in public in crowded downtown center city business districts. So in a busy public mall, office buildings, theater, museum, library, rush-hour morning or evening walkers everywhere, I do very well and blend in nicely (hardly any women look like the models at Macy’s Nordstrom Talbots). In a smaller setting of less than 25-30 people or a restaurant with just 2 or 3 gal friends, I think I get a closer critique from those who see me. I do think that this side of Caitlin Jenner’s very public exposure, I’m becoming more comfortable saying to myself, “well, if they see me as a transitioning TG-woman, I want to be as pretty and natural looking as I can and just go with it”. I will say that retail saleswomen and gals in salons have really become incredibly open, friendly, kind, accepting of me – and I know they don’t think I’m really a woman – BUT they do treat me 100% as a woman, and I do all I can to present and express myself as a very normal, everyday woman. It’s always best to be out with other genetic gals who are just casual and fun with me – it feels and looks the best, and I get the fewest (or hardly any) stares or double-takes.
I agree that it is good to go out with a woman or two and I think that if two trans-women go around together there is more chance that someone will notice something that does not seem quite right. If you have a trans friend you could take it in turns to be dressed while the other one is in drab. I did once see two very presentable and confident trans-women in Marks and Spencer (a chain of shops here in the UK for clothing and food) and they seemed to pass very well although I could tell. If you go out with a man then people may assume that you are a couple, even if you are not, so that can be good cover.
To be honest, I don’t really mind if I don’t, though I do my best to pass. I don’t know how strange or unique my circumstance is, but I personally don’t believe I’m a woman trapped in a man’s body or anything. I’m not gay and my romantic interest is still women. I think it would be interesting to meet a woman who’s into a really convincing crossdressing guy lol. I kinda think of it as trying to get closer to women, maybe like how some guys always wear their favorite sports team’s jersey or something. But that’s just me.
Like a lot of the people who posted here, I was also already an adult (31st birthday in fact; but I attest that I’m ageless anyway lol) when I decided I wanted to pursue this. It isn’t a spur of the moment thing and I carefully weighed everything as well as made proper decisions on what I will and will not do, like how far I would really go.
For people like me who have no intention of getting any surgery (though I do have somewhat “girly features” anyway being Asian), we have to face reality. And that reality is that there are some things you can’t change [without surgery]. I’ll do the hair removal and practice my posture and movements, and even work on the hourglass figure, hair, makeup, etc., as well as take care of myself in general, but that can only go so far.
But that reality is actually two-sided. Because real women can also have some features that make them look a bit masculine even without trying. Some of the women I look up to the most are athletes, and they have beautiful bodies to me despite broader shoulders as well as muscles all over that developed naturally from practicing their sport. And even normal non-athletic women can be like that, and they can still be beautiful. When I think about that, I realize that I’m not so far off. If I work on all the things I can work on, I can pass just fine.
Thanks for asking–
There are times and places where it’s really essential to my comfort and/or safety to pass, so I like having that potential. There are other occasions in which I really don’t care how people see me. In any event I can never pass for long.
I used to have a problem with nail-biting. I don’t bite my nails now, though. I had tried painting on solutions to stop, they didn’t work. Neither did hypnosis methods.
But then I heard of acrylic nails and how they can help. I visited a nail salon, and had stick-on nails applied. As part of that, some work was needed as usual to smooth off the whole surface, and to apply polish to finish the job.
I decided to have them left a longer length than any “regular” male might. With a light pink shade of nail lacquer. I grew used to them, somewhat.
Then I discovered sculpted nails. They give the sensation of touch that real nails do. They can be shaped and sized more freely than stick-on nails, and the real nails don’t tend to be affected by them so much, if at all.
I don’t bite my nails now, and my real nails are longer. But I still have sculpted nails; they haven’t broken at all, though I do have to go to the salon every 2-4 weeks because my real nails grow and a little work is needed to maintain the surface. But they are marvelous.
And there are so many shades of nail polish. Because my sculpted nails are naturally pinkish, I only need a clear coat.
I recommend you try them. You don’t have to keep them forever.
I was at a mature age before i became sufficiently confident to acknowledge and accept myself. There are things about my appearance that stand in the way of completeness. Although I might desire to become wholly feminine, part of my acceptance of the person that I am must be about my ability to fulfill that desire.
Had I possessed this confidence and awareness thirty years or more ago, or even perhaps ten or twenty, I might have felt able to explore the desire to pass. I am as certain as I can that I would have taken the route of completely becoming the woman I know that I am.
But, having the ability to accept my desire as real is not separated from the ability to accept the constraints that I feel I am subject to.
Having said all that, there are wonderful examples of people who have more years of life behind them than I do. Not only Caitlyn Jenner, but also the lady in Missouri – whom i know only through the story of her life – who had gender reassignment surgery in her 70’s after a long life presenting herself as male and following the death of her wife.
There is much to wish for, but there is also much to be grateful for. I may at some time feel able to fulfil more of my desires, but at present it is a great comfort to be able to recognize myself, to act upon that recognition, and to have the acknowledgement and support of my spouse.
Life could be better. But it is still Good.
Hi
Being older and having an Adam’s Apple that doesn’t show makes it much easier for me to pass. A number of years ago, while dressed as a man, people were calling me ma’am and lady. In fact, the last time I went into a men’s room while dressed as a man, I almost caused a riot. Men scattered. So I got rid of my male clothes and became Jamie full time. I do dress to blend in most of the time. I’m treated as a lady and no one gives me that look trying to read me. My doctors, masseuse, beautician, and the lady who does the electrolysis to rid me of my beard and shapes my eyebrows all knows what I am but treats me as who I am. I also have my eyebrows tinted every 4 weeks which helps the effect and saves me time when I need to run out.
these are two pics of me after my afternoon at the salon! I always thought having long hair maid me look more femme ,but im loving the new short style too and my group of family and friends deff encourage me. one thing I noticed is when out a woman is seldom alone and that maybe why some of us are still struggling with acceptance. a lot women go shopping with her girlfriends so get out there girls and have a fun day at the shops…..
My goal is to pass but I don’t and I accept that . so I’m just happy expressing my fem side.